Throw Your Arms Around Me
by Erin Hartson
Summary: Crisscolfer ... Darren starts thinking about Chris a lot after he realizes Chris may be attracted to him ...
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a standard disclaimer. Some people go to a lot of trouble to write them. I doubt they are necessary. After all we are on a Fan Fiction website, right? But RPF has further ethical complexities. My solution was to spell the last names of the two actors with a K instead of a C to indicate they are characters to me and I am not claiming to know anything about the real people. I started out doing that with Chris' last name in Ch 1 and then never got around to putting Darren's in as I progressed (working on ch 22 now). A reviewer didn't "get" it and thought I was stupid and not a real fan. Perhaps it has put off others who didn't bother to review. Also, on reflection, it is quite jarring to read. So I changed it back to the correct spelling and hereby declare I have never tapped the phones of the actors to discover they are secretly in love. I made it all up in my head. I tried Keeping Calm but it's Darren Freaking Criss!

* * *

><p>They weren't actually friends.<p>

A lot of people thought they were.

They were friendly, they got along great, but they didn't hang out together in their "spare" time - what little of it they had.

So, no, Darren wouldn't call them friends.

And he suspected Chris wouldn't either.

He always seemed to be busy when Darren suggested a video or a computer game, coffee or a jam session.

Darren had stopped asking.

There were plenty of friends and projects in his life already.

Sure he and Chris had an amazing amount in common and he'd sort of looked forward to getting to know him off-set but Darren didn't dwell on the mysterious busyness

of Mr Chris Colfer.

They often had long stretches to fill on the set and their chats and jokes at those times (shared with other attendant cast and crew) obscured the fact that they weren't

really friends outside of work.

Sometimes, though, the whole gang would hang out - usually to mark some sort of milestone for the show or celebrate someone's birthday.

It was a Friday night at a lovely discreet LA restaurant that everyone enjoyed.

There was a lot of musical chairs going on during the breaks between courses and especially during the extended dessert/coffee end to the night.

Chris moved into an empty chair beside Darren so he could chat to Ashley across the table.

Darren shared a couple of minutes' conversation with him when Ashley visited the restroom but then Chris moved on to chat with Lea at the other end of the table.

Chris had been feeling warm and peeled his jacket off while he was there next to Darren though and left it behind when he moved.

When he jumped up to accept a lift home from Amber he forget to reclaim the jacket.

And Darren ended up taking it home to return next time he was on set.

When Chris rang the next day and said he was passing by Darren's new place on his way back from a shopping excursion and could stop in to collect it, Darren was

neither phased or surprised.

He popped the kettle on as he would if anyone else was stopping by and greeted Chris with a smile holding the door wide to let him in.

But Chris hovered in the entry and said he'd just grab the jacket and go.

"I was hoping we could hang out, man," Darren said.

"Haven't caught you outside of work yet. I could really pick your brains on the writing front … Starkid's next show is in it's infancy."

"No, thanks anyway," Chris replied.

"I don't 'hang out' with hot straight guys.

I'll see you at work.

Bring the jacket."

And he walked away.

Darren had to admit it spun him out a little.


	2. Chapter 2

Darren was staring at a wall thinking about the day they shot the famous Klaine kiss.

Chris had handled everything without appearing to have any problems.

He was a consumate professional.

Darren had been nervous, keyed up and he'd felt almost teary with the beauty and intensity of the moment for his character: the culmination of a storyline that had

touched so many people including him.

Chris on the other hand had joked a few times as they did more takes from different angles.

He seemed to be able to switch Kurt on and off quickly when needed for the camera.

But now Darren was thinking about whether those jokes were a deflection. Compensation.

Had Chris found the scene more difficult than he had let on?

Darren knew he should let it go.

Just respect Chris' wishes and leave him alone.

But that was a challenge when Darren was seeing him in a new light.

His curiosity was piqued.

Darren pushed the mouse on his computer to make the screen light up again and plopped himself down in front before typing 'Chris Colfer' into a You Tube tab that was

already open.

He found the interview with Piers Morgan (part 1) and set it to full screen resting his chin on his hand as he stared intently at the face that was so familiar but now

seemed to be hiding secrets.

Once he had watched the interview in its entirety (including replaying particular bits several times) he got up and grabbed a bottle of water, standing indecisively next

to the computer again.

Looking at anymore clips would be getting obsessive - he really shouldn't.

But he wanted to delve inside Chris' mind, he wanted to know what was going on with the guy.

Did he have a major crush on Darren or was it just a habit that led him to avoid close friendships with straight guys?

Was he actually suffering everyday on set when they filmed together?

If Darren thought that he would find it a little bit heart breaking.

Why wasn't Chris dating anyone? Was he a virgin as half the fangirls seemed to believe?

Stuff it, Darren thought suddenly. He gave in and switched his big screen tv onto the internet setting quickly finding and choosing Chris' rendition of Rose's Turn as he

settled back in his recliner chair.

He's such a fucking brilliant actor, Darren thought as the performance ended a couple of minutes later and he chose another - the 'duet' from Victor/Victoria.

Darren still found it hard to keep characterisation while he was singing because he let himself go so much with music.

Chris seemed to be feeling every moment and projecting both Kurt and the character Kurt was playing. Darren frowned.

He went back to more recent material - the song he'd done straight after Darren's own performance of Somewhere Only We Know.

Darren knew he'd done a good job of that one but watching Chris sing Everything's As If We Never Said Goodbye he got absolute chills.

He is in another freakin league! Darren thought.

I mean, no wonder he has a Golden Fucking Globe already, shit. He'll probably win an Oscar next year.

Inadequaecy was starting to get a hold of him now so Darren hit pause and walked around the room a few times going back to his survival system for dealing with

audition rejections.

He laughed at himself, gave a brief thought to the many, many fan letters he received each week and sat down again switching the screen off and staring at the blank

surface.

Chris was very talented, there was no doubt about it.

And if he was attracted to Darren well, he had handled it so far and would handle it in the future.

Chris may be young but he was officially an adult.

Don't even think another moment about it, Darren told himself.

He tried to remember what he'd been doing before Chris rang. Oh that's right, he'd just finished putting his washing away.

He turned the screen back on.

I wonder,

if I watch all the scenes we were in together, would I see a hint of how he feels ….?


	3. Chapter 3

When Darren arrives on set he hears that Chris is being sewn into an outrageous outfit and could be quite a while.

He finds Kevin coaching Cory in one of the upcoming dance routines and watches for a while until they take a break, both grabbing sports drinks and relaxing in the

shade.

Harry and Mark approach and tell them that the girls and Chris are filming now but considering the fragile costumes they are all wearing, which need constant

adjustment, it could be a long while until they are called to join in.

Darren sees his opportunity and grabs it.

"I wanted to ask you guys about Chris," he starts.

"I kinda get the impression he doesn't hang out after work unless the girls are around.

Would that be right?"

He sees the guys share a look.

"We thought you'd never ask," Kevin jokes.

"It's not like we haven't tried," Cory says a little defensively.

"You've just got to respect his boundaries."

Mark says, "Just let him handle things his way. Don't push him."

Darren thinks for a minute.

"I just don't get it guys.

Why are you letting him isolate himself?

He was marginalised in school and now despite working with a bunch of accepting, non-judgemental, freaking actors he's no better off.

We all get the benefit of hanging out as friends after work and he is still on the outside looking in.

Do you think he's ever going to breach that barrier unless we haul him through?

He's too habituated to protect himself.

He's cool and funny and he needs to know that he's wanted, his friendship is wanted."

Cory insists, "You've got to remember Darren, that he's young."

Then Harry pipes up: "I think it'll be totally different once he gets a boyfriend."

Darren sighs. "Will it?

You know I grew up in San Francisco.

I had plenty of gay friends.

But Chris is not on track to have those kinds of friendships."

Another pause and Darren asks: "Have any of you tried flirting with him?"

There is a general explosion of disbelief and "of course nots".

"I'm serious guys.

I haven't because I thought it would be considered unprofessional here but it always worked when I handled things that way back home.

I think you should all do it too."

"What the?" Kevin nearly shouted.

"It kind of disarms the elephant in the room." Darren explains.

"I used to throw compliments at some of these guys I knew, a couple of times I had gay roommates, and they'd be all like -

you wish, you're not my type -

and it totally reversed the power dynamic and gave us an equal footing."

"But dude," Mark was saying. "Didn't any of them ever take it the wrong way? Think you were serious? Try to help you come out or something?"

"No, they just claimed a kiss on their birthday or whatever and made jokes at my expense every now and then.

I know it's cliched but some of them were my best friends.

I got great relationship advice from them and we could just hang out and do stuff we had in common.

I see it clearly now.

I should have been flirting with Chris from the start. "

Screw this, Darren says to himself.

He has been carrying Chris' jacket in a cloth bag to protect it but now he pulls it out and decides in a split second to wear it.

The guys are looking on surprised but Darren ignores them and strides off to watch where Chris is busy shooting with the girls.

He knows when Chris notices him and what he is wearing because he freezes, just for a second and they have to cut and start another take.

Chris gives a Darren a hard look while he has a chance but Darren responds by smoothing the lapels and smirking at Chris in his crazy couture.

Finally there is a break and Chris poises delicately on his assigned chair giving Darren a look that says:

Explanation time.


	4. Chapter 4

Darren sits down next to Chris but doesn't answer his unspoken question right away.

Instead he says: "I think I'll keep this jacket. It smells like you. I like it."

Chris just gapes at him in shock. Darren is grinning his face off until Chris recovers and hisses at him: "What the hell are you doing?"

Now Darren gets serious: "Actually Chris that's what I want to know. Why are you acting like it's impossible for a gay guy and a straight guy to be friends? And if you're

worried about any feelings developing you're going about this the wrong way. Haven't you ever heard of the saying: Familiarity breeds contempt? Huh? Totally applies. If

you want to avoid becoming attracted to someone inappropriate you should spend MORE time with them not less. You should come around and smell my sneakers. It's like

a vaccine, you'll be completely immune to my charm. I can give you a list of my bad habits -"

"Persistance past the point of politeness would be on that list I expect," Chris manages to get in. Darren grins: "Yep! Look, I just think you're cool. I want your friendship.

Isn't there any way I could have it?"

Chris is feeling stubborn: "Give me my jacket back."

Darren puts his face up close to Chris' and looks at his lips, flicking his tongue out to lick his own. "Walk inside my house or I swear I will sleep with this jacket for a pillow."

"Fine!" Chris says, standing up. He would like to storm off with dignity but the costume gets caught on his chair and he has to call someone over to help disentangle

himself. And the whole time Darren sits back letting his eyes run up and down Chris' body over and over again.

Filming doesn't finish until close to midnight that day but Chris drives straight to Darren's place anyway and he waits by the front door until Darren arrives 10 minutes

later.

Chris hadn't told Darren he was going to turn up but Darren is not surprised. He opens the door and holds it open as Chris brushes past, thankfully wearing a normal pair

of jeans and pullover. Darren switches a couple of lamps on in the lounge and the brighter kitchen light before he goes to the fridge and gets out a can of diet coke he

places on the bench in front of where Chris is leaning. He looks Chris right in the eye and says: "I don't drink diet coke you know. I bought that for you 6 months ago."

Chris looks down a little sadly and opens the drink before tilting it towards Darren as if to say cheers and taking a sip.

"I need to tell you something," he says.

Darren switches the kitchen light off and leads the way back to the lounge room. He sits in an armchair and leans forward watching Chris and waiting patiently for him to

speak.

Chris sighs.

"Start of Season 1. The launch party. There's a guy from the network corners me and says he's heard all about me. Ryan's going to make me a star and he couldn't be

more thrilled, it couldn't happen to a nicer kid. Yadda yadda yadda. Then he says 10-15 % of the population is what is estimated to be gay. But he says, of the remaining

85% he believes 75 will give it a go in the right circumstances. He tells me my career is going to take off and I'll never be out of work but he says I could easily destroy the

careers of my straight male costars by getting too close to them. If one of them is seen with me a bit too much or hugs me in front of the paparazzi they'll be under

suspicion and thought to have lied about their sexuality. There are too many other straight actors to compete with and they'd be ditched in favour of others who don't

have 'issues'." Chris took another sip of his drink and kept his eyes on the can. "He said I have charisma and the 75% are going to be lining up to - and I quote - dominate

my arse, but I have to keep my hands off, for the sake of their careers."

Finally Chris looks back up at Darren who is clenching his jaw rather tight. Chris laughs a little in his self-deprecating way but Darren isn't amused: "The evil fucking

bastard," he whispers.

"You've been put in boxes your whole life. Don't let what he says make you build another one around yourself. You deserve to have friends like any other human being."

"The girls are my friends," Chris attempts but Darren grasps his hand …

"Let me be your friend."

Chris squeezes almost without thinking, but when he looks at Darren he is deadly serious:

"It's not just what that guy said to me. Seeing myself as someone with charisma, well, I laughed … until I started getting offers. Actors, some pretty well-known, telling me

in one breath that they're straight and in the next they want to fuck me. Saying they've got a girlfriend but I'm irresistible. Even a couple I care about, under the influence

trying to impress me with how open-minded they are. I don't want to ruin their lives, their careers."

Darren was frozen in his seat: "Guys on Glee?"

"I'm not going to say who, so don't even ask, but yes," Chris replied.

Darren felt sick. "What if they were genuine? What if they're confused about their sexuality? If they want to come out of the closet?"

Chris sighed and released Darren's hand. "What if they're jealous of my success and they want a piece of it any way they think they can get it?"

"Hell," Darren said standing up and pacing. He remembered his own bout of insecurity comparing himself with Chris' enormous talent and remembering how he assumed Chris had a crush on him.

"I'm sorry Chris. So sorry you've been put in that position."

Chris stood up too and reached out a hand to Darren's shoulder. He turned Darren to face him and surprised both of them by initiating a brief hug.

"I do think you're different," he told Darren then. "I don't think you would use me like that. So, as of tomorrow I'm pulling the fences down and we can be," he laughed,

"buddies. Just, don't go falling in love with me Darren. Please."

Darren could only nod and follow Chris to the front door where he stood silently one hand waving as Chris drove away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello Lover," Darren greets Chris at work the next day and it has the desired effect - Chris roars with laughter. They are on the right track at last, Darren thinks.  
>They are still pretty busy though and while they enjoy their usual banter and nerd-talk on set it is a fortnight before Chris seeks him out with an invitation.<br>Can Darren play Scrabble?  
>Yes, Darren can and he would love to turn up at Chris' place on Monday evening with nibbles and play scrabble with some other people Chris knows.<p>

Darren wants to be helpful to Chris so he turns up early, by two hours.  
>Chris groans when he answers the door: "I was gonna write for another hour!"<br>Darren offers to leave but Chris steps back and guides him into the kitchen.  
>"I wasn't very inspired this afternoon anyway but I was trying to push through."<br>"Don't push," says Darren, "Creativity likes to flow."  
>"I've got a deadline, I can't wait for the flow," Chris answers.<br>Darren decides Chris needs to be distracted.  
>"Listen Beautiful, tell me something about these people who are coming over. And get out some bowls for this stuff hey."<br>Chris fishes around in the cupboard until he finds some suitable bowls but warns Darren not to open the packets yet - they've got plenty of time.  
>"Henry, the cameraman, is coming over. And his partner Eric. They're a little older than me but they're really nice. "<br>"Henry? I know Henry! Didn't know he was gay, how did I miss that?"  
>"I dunno, how did you miss it?"<br>Darren laughed. "So how did this Scrabble match come about?"  
>"We've been playing semi-regularly since season one actually. I think they were kind of looking out for me. A few times the fourth player they invited was a set-up, someone they thought I might like to date. Eric's sister has played with us. It's just an excuse to hang out really. I guess they're a bit boring and nerdy, like me."<br>"Stop that." Darren demanded. "You are not boring. You're the most interesting guy I've ever made out with." Chris laughed again and led Darren into the open-plan dining/lounge room where he started pushing the table into a more central position.  
>"We've always played at their place. I've been wanting to host them here for a while but I wasn't sure who I could get to play with us." He seemed lost in thought but Darren didn't let him drift.<br>"I am so psyched! I've been browsing through the dictionary and brushed up on the rules so be prepared to go down Chris … and I didn't even say THAT on purpose."  
>Chris laughed again. "Go and get your guitar out of the car Darren, it helps you think and we've got time to kill."<br>Darren didn't need to be asked twice and he banged out the front door while Chris finished setting the lounge suite into a new position.  
>Darren had perched himself on a chair and was tuning up when Chris shouted from another part of the house, "Yes! That's perfect!"<br>"Uh, Chris. If you have another guy back there getting you off, I'm gonna have to be jealous," Darren called.  
>Chris returned giggling and raced straight for his laptop proceeding to tap furiously at the keyboard for 15 minutes while Darren strummed softly and hummed instead of singing so as not to disturb the genius at work. Chris looked very far away when he sighed and closed the laptop. Darren watched him without speaking as he gazed at a corner of the room and then lay his head down on his arms and stared in another direction.<br>When he realised Chris had forgotten his presence he tiptoed back to the entry and pressed the doorbell a couple of times. Chris came to meet him, confused and then embarrassed.  
>Darren couldn't resist stealing a hug.<br>"Have I told you lately how awesome you are?" he asked.  
>"Thanks," Chris replied a little shy. "I promise I'm all out of brilliant thoughts now. I'm saving my brain for the game."<br>"Excellent," Darren agreed. "By the way, I am allowed to make words in Italian right?"  
>"Darren!" Chris wailed. "Can you please stop making me laugh. My ribs are hurting already."<p>

Eventually Henry and Eric arrived and the game got going. It was a while before Darren realised there had been no speculative glances at Darren being Chris' guest, no teasing innuendo. These guys really were nice and they respected Chris as well as Darren himself. He'd said publicly he was straight so they just accepted that and didn't doubt him or consider he had ulterior motives for being friends with Chris. Darren was really glad to get to know them and very happy for Chris that he had them in his life.  
>Of course the occasional sexually-themed word was placed onto the Scrabble board to a chorus of disbelief and someone blustering: "they were the only letters I had!" Everybody laughed at each other equally and in between other topics were discussed like politics, Eric's work as a lawyer and eventually the upcoming storylines on Glee.<br>"The big question all the people at my office want to know," Eric said, "is how far Kurt and Blaine have gone. Do you think Ryan's going to keep playing it safe?"  
>Chris and Darren looked at each other both offering to let the other one tell the secret.<br>Finally Chris spoke up: "We're shooting something next week that I think will answer that question."  
>Henry and Eric both raised their eyebrows and waited.<br>"Ok," Darren said. "No sharing before hand of course but we've been told we're going to be getting wet together."  
>Henry was intrigued: "A shower scene, wow, that will be tricky to film. The fans will go wild of course …"<br>"Actually it's in a bathtub," Chris revealed. "But I've been assured it isn't going to be gratuitous. It's a really emotional scene between Blaine and Kurt and then Finn walks in on them which leads into a big arc about Finn and Rachel's physical relationship."  
>"Wow," was Eric's response. "You guys sure have some great material. Are you nervous at all about filming it?"<br>"Of course not," Chris said, blithely unaware of Darren's close scrutiny. He was too busy laying out the letters to spell PUNISHMENT. "It should be fun."


	6. Chapter 6

Chris couldn't stop sneezing.

The bath water was cooling and the studio lights were blazing. Eventually the director told them to take a break while the bath was refilled.

Chris and Darren clambered out of the tub and into the robes that were politely held open for them.

They weren't completely naked of course. Chris had on lycra bike shorts while Darren was in slightly looser swim shorts that, like Chris' clothing, would remain hidden under the water line as they made out in the bath.

Both had bare chests.

While they waited for the bath to be refilled with hot water Chris apologised again for his sneezing fit disrupting the shoot.

Darren dismissed the apology saying: "I was getting worried about you. Let me warm you up." He wrapped his arms around Chris in a tight hug and then stepped back to rub Chris' arms vigorously over the robe.  
>"Thanks DC," Chris murmured stepping back in for another hug. "That actually helps a lot."<br>"No worries," Darren said nestling his head onto Chris' shoulder. "Anytime."  
>"We're ready," one of the technicians called.<p>

Stepping apart Chris and Darren immediately removed their robes again sharing a shrug and a quick smile before climbing back into the bath.  
>Chris sighed and slipped down into the steaming water. "That's better!" he announced.<br>Darren positioned his legs around Chris' and once again they were facing each other.

The director came over and crouched down to speak to them gripping the edge of the bath to steady himself.

"So I've had a quick look at what we've got so far. You're doing a great job. I think we need to step it up though. The kisses in this context have to be noticeably more … intimate than other times Blaine and Kurt have kissed. I need there to be some obvious tongue this time. Are you guys okay with this?"

He looked at each of them as they nodded and said of course. They were professionals and they wanted to get the scene right.  
>Another minute or two waiting for technical stuff then they each shuffled forward a little, water sloshing, and waited for the announcement.<br>"Take 7! Action!"

Darren had assumed he would take the lead with this tongue kissing thing, but Chris surprised him.

As their mouths met Chris was the first to increase the intimacy of the kiss. It surprised Darren. And so did the thrill that shot through his body. He moved forward even more and responded to Chris' questing tongue with his own. He felt an urgency inside him. He felt … he WANTED this kiss. Their tongues were moving hotly and his senses were full of Chris and Darren was on the point of letting go completely when the director was saying, "Cut!" and approaching with more instructions.

Darren kept his eyes on the water. He wasn't ready to look at Chris quite yet. But here was their director crouching beside the bath again: "Okay. It looked good guys I think we just want something a little more … relaxed okay? Remember they're taking the bath after they've had sex - or that's what we're implying anyway - so this is not the passionate lead in to a sex scene it is the loving aftermath. Any questions?"

Darren shook his head. He couldn't speak. He couldn't even think. His enthusiasm had obviously ruined the take and even though he was slightly embarrassed wondering what the crew were thinking his main concern was how Chris felt. He really didn't want to create any issues between them. Before he could take his thoughts much farther he felt water splashing onto his face. He glanced up.  
>"Hey," Chris said, flicking more water into Darren's face. "Relax. It's all trial and error. He says it was too much now but they'll probably end up using that take when they edit."<br>The stress washed out of Darren immediately and he grinned at Chris flicking water back causing a shriek and laughter. He would have liked to keep horsing around and making Chris laugh but once again a technician announced he was ready and Chris and Darren resumed their positions ready to kiss for the cameras.  
>This time Darren kept control. He let his tongue move slowly into Chris' mouth and suppressed the instinct to make it more. They managed to sustain the slow lapping kiss for a good minute and smiled at each other when they broke apart after another, "Cut."<br>"It's a tough job," Chris joked.

Darren was still feeling disorientated after his unexpected reaction to the previous kiss. He tilted his head and studied the young man opposite him as Chris once again slipped his shoulders under the warm water.  
>Chris seemed to have it all together. Always professional. Never any sign of weakness or discomfort. Something in Darren yearned to peel back the layers and see deeper inside Chris. Since they'd become real friends, as he liked to think of them, he'd seen Chris in his home context and understood Chris' initial reluctance to get close to his male costar.<p>

But Darren knew there was more to discover.  
>He knew the playful Chris. There was a perfectionist, driven Chris. He could also be shy, self-contained.<br>Without warning his imagination conjured an image of Chris as he might look in the throes of passion. He saw Chris above him, panting and desperate on the point of climax. Fuck that was hot and oh my god what was he thinking!

Chris sat opposite him contained and controlled. Ready to act his part for a tv show. Without that reason Chris would never place himself in this position with Darren. Darren would never have the chance to kiss him let alone any of the things he had started to imagine. Chris would be horrified if he knew. Darren had to get control of his mind. He had another problem too. He had to get control of his dick that was achingly hard. If he stood up it would be completely obvious in the swim shorts he was wearing.

Luckily there was a distraction when Ryan walked in …

"How's it going gang?"

The director said they were nearly done. They had filmed Cory's interruption and reaction earlier and later they would do the confrontation between Finn and Kurt which would be filmed with Chris in a paisley silk robe in the hallway. Darren would step past in a towel at one point but the main dialogue was between Kurt and Finn.  
>"Actually I had an idea for this scene and I want you to shoot it now," Ryan announced.<br>Darren and Chris waited patiently as Ryan explained that the love song they'd recorded earlier in the week to be used as part of a montage should now be sung in the bath, acapella.  
>The director frowned and started saying he'd need some time to map out how he wanted the characters to relate during the song and they might need to refill the tub with hot water again but Ryan cut him off.<br>"You can't take more time. You have no idea what this is doing to my insurance premium having my Golden Globe winner sitting in a tub of water with electrical cords running all over the place. You don't have to control every move they make - these kids are professionals. Let them fucking improvise. Just do the song and get them out of there ASAP. This is a not a perv fest." Ryan walked out again but ducked back in a second later to say: "Sorry Darren, we don't want you to fry either."

The director sighed but did as he was told and ordered the crew to run the cameras continuously and let Chris and Darren improvise. Darren saw him sit down and switch his attention to a monitor and finally, reluctantly, Darren switched his attention to Chris.

He reminded himself that as of yet Chris had no idea that Darren had become turned on while they were kissing not to mention he had no idea the thoughts that had crossed Darren's mind.  
>While Darren had been hesitating Chris was formulating an idea for their song and he indicated he wanted Darren to turn around and lean back against him in the water.<br>Like all good actors Darren accepted the 'offer' without 'blocking'. He shifted around and tentatively leaned back until he felt the heat of Chris' skin against him.  
>"A little lower," Chris said and Darren slid down allowing Chris to guide his head onto Chris' shoulder. He knew he had to relax and get into character again but felt only more tension when Chris wrapped one arm around him and held his hand on the edge of the tub with the other.<br>"Remember the song?" Chris whispered into Darren's ear and he nodded, swallowing.  
>Chris seemed happy to be in charge so Darren lay still in his arms and tried not to enjoy the feel of Chris slowly running one finger up his arm and back down. He knew his voice would be raw from tension as well as not being warmed up but it would probably suit the setting and the intimate moment anyway. He took a breath and quietly began to sing …<p>

_"The touch of your hand, will let me know … You take me in … and let me go …If not for love, Where would we be? How is it done? Two into one, So easily."_  
>At this point Chris took over singing, the high notes suiting his voice beautifully.<br>Darren nestled against Chris' body and turned slightly giving in to the temptation to press little kisses against Chris' throat. He had decided he loved improvising.  
><em>"We're lifted up by angels … you understand, yet never say … How every plan could fade away … If not for love, where would we be? Ashes to dust, water to rust, away from me." <em>  
>Darren knelt up in the water so he and Chris could caress each other's faces as they sang together:<br>_"We're lifted up by angels, above the world … Strong enough to leave it, bound to learn the secrets, Angels never heard."_  
>There was no music, just the beat of their hearts as they stared into each others' eyes:<br>_"_ We're lifted up by angels … and given wings to fly. We leave the night behind us, trust the light to find us, even as we rise. _We're close enough to heaven, above the rain. The darkness cannot reach us, let the angels teach us … Only love remains … Woah oh oh oh oh oh …."_  
>Darren's heart swelled as Chris fondly brushed a curl from his forehead and traced his thumbs over Darren's bushy eyebrows.<p>

The let their voices fade slowly with a few more "oh woah ohs" and Darren's eyes moved down to Chris' lips.

It would be the perfect ending to the song and the actions they'd been improvising.

He leaned in slowly letting the water swish around him without splashing and finally pressed not just his lips but his body to Chris'.

They were touching, skin to skin all the way down - their chests, their legs and just a little bit of lycra covering the intimate pressing of their hips.

Darren had forgotten the cameras and was revelling in the feel of Chris kissing him softly and stroking in circles on his back. He angled his head and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and Chris went along with it, as he'd been instructed. Darren was acting purely on instinct, his body leading and it seemed so natural to let his hips gently pulse forward. They halted abruptly when he felt Chris tense up as Darren's erection pressed against him.

Oh God! Darren went red. He sat back and faked a coughing fit. The director yelled cut and told them great work clapping Darren on the shoulder.  
>Now there was noise and action all around as the crew began packing away.<p>

And Darren was left bereft as Chris jumped out of the bath and stepped into his robe walking off-set without even saying goodbye.

* * *

><p>AN: er hello. for the first time. I hope you liked this update. Sorry it is a bit later than intended. I basically only have one day a week to write. Thank you to the people who have reviewed and alerted and favourited this story. It is a thrill for me. The song I used was recorded by John Farnham (an Australian like me) with his back up singer Lisa Edwards. The tune is really beautiful and I can easily imagine Chris and Darren's voices singing it. There is a clip on you tube where they sing it beautifully live at a concert I attended and I'd love for you to hear it ... just a warning: John likes to be a bit of a comedian. Even though it is a beautiful love song he mucks around at the beginning making silly noises before he actually starts singing. you could forward to about 1.10 .comwatch?v=5_2NJRIdBO8


	7. Chapter 7

There was no chance to see Chris alone for quite a while and assess how he was feeling and Darren needed to get himself together anyway but he was certain about one thing: he had to man-up, face Chris and apologise.  
>Darren was fully dressed when he knocked on the trailer door and he opened it when he heard Chris' muffled "enter".<br>He glanced around nervously but finally forced himself to look directly at Chris who was sitting  
>with his laptop open at the small table looking at Darren with mild curiosity.<br>Darren took a breath ready to start his apology when Chris spoke:  
>"You know I think Ryan will get a lot of backlash over that song. I wonder if anyone will talk him out of it before it goes to air?"<br>"Huh?" asked Darren.  
>"You know all the lyrics about Angels … the right wing Christian crowd like to make a noise about anything gay anyway but gay teens having sex and referencing angels in the song - it wouldn't surprise me if it got cut."<br>"Oh," is all Darren can say. Chris is carrying on as if nothing happened. WTF? He's tinkering with his computer and chatting while Darren's stomach is tied in knots.  
>"Uh Chris, I um, I came over to apologise. I don't know exactly what happened but I want to assure you I totally respect you and uh, it won't ever happen again." Darren felt like a petitioner for a stay of execution as he stood in front of Chris waiting to hear how mad Chris was with him.<br>Chris was still distracted with his computer.  
>"I don't exactly know what you're apologising for Darren. And since I don't know it mustn't have bothered me so don't even worry about it. I'll be heading home soon. See you tomorrow okay?"<br>Darren was dumbfounded. Could he be so lucky?  
>"Wow. That's great Chris. Thanks a lot. I'll see you …"<br>Darren had his hand on the door handle about to walk away free but he just couldn't.  
>Chris finally looked up when Darren returned and sat opposite him.<br>"Chris," Darren began, "It was extremely nice and gentlemanly of you to try to give me an easy out. But I know you know what I'm talking about. I'd rather know I was truly forgiven than get off scott free."  
>Chris sighs and stares at Darren silently for a full minute before closing his laptop and standing up to lean against a counter.<br>"You should have taken the easy out, Darren."  
>"C'mon Chris," Darren replies earnestly standing up as well. "I don't want there to be any problems between us, things unsaid. I want to make sure I can still play scrabble and not go back to pretend friends. I think you need to express how you feel about it for us to clear the air."<br>"How I feel about what exactly Darren?" Chris asks pointedly. He's going to make Darren be specific in his apology - just so there are no more misunderstandings.  
>"How you feel about my dick," Darren says without thinking. Then he smacks himself in the head as Chris starts chuckling. But the laughter doesn't last long.<br>"Hear me out," Darren says. "I'm sorry. For some unknown reason I got … I got turned on while we were filming in the bath. I know you felt it when I was practically lying on top of you. You got all tense and walked off. I can't explain what happened. It took me by surprise and I just want things to be normal for us. Please."  
>Chris rubbed his face in frustration seeing Darren so sincere he was practically begging.<br>"You're totally overreacting Darren, you have nothing to worry about. Sure I felt it, and I was surprised so I froze up for a second. I'm more annoyed with myself for that than with you. It's just like if you moved around and whacked me in the face with your elbow or something. It was uncomfortable for a while but then it's forgotten." Chris' face was sincere as he shrugged and tried to reassure Darren who was finding his attitude puzzling to say the least.  
>"I think a hard on is slightly different from an elbow, Chris," he said. "I mean, I'm glad if you don't consider it an issue but I have to admit I was a little freaked out by it myself and I expected to be read the riot act after the stuff you told me - about straight guys hitting on you, you know."<br>Chris sighed again.  
>"Look. I know you're not trying to start something with me. I know you don't want to actually have sex with me. When you got turned on it was purely mechanical."<br>Darren looked back at Chris in confusion. So he explained:  
>"We did more kissing than usual in that scene - plus there was the tongue. It was probably inevitable that enough kissing, plus a warm body, close quarters, your own nakedness, subconsciously your body was getting all the signals it expects in a pre-sex scenario. It's not that surprising you got a hard on."<br>"You didn't."

Darren flushed at the words he'd blurted out but stood his ground looking at Chris with the question in his eyes. Why not?  
>Chris glanced away and started moving around his trailer packing stuff into a carry bag to head home.<br>"Who knows," he said with his back turned to Darren. "Maybe if we'd kept filming another couple of minutes I would have. Then I'd be the one apologising to you. You know I remember a health teacher in high school telling us that lips are made of the same type of material as we have on our … sex organs."  
>Darren laughed in surprise: "So does that mean when we kiss it's like having oral sex?"<br>Chris chuckled back and gave Darren a playful smack on the shoulder. "No! Can we just let it go?"  
>Darren finally agreed: "If you've really forgiven me, I totally want to put it behind us. I promise I'm not falling in love with you. I promise."<br>"Okay Darren. It's forgotten. Now get lost okay. I've seen enough of you for one day. Ha ha."  
>Darren laughed as he stepped out the trailer door not realising he hadn't received his usual hug from Chris as they said goodbye.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

A couple of weeks passed. Darren was happy there were no make out scenes to test him, just a lot of holding hands and sitting close together in the choir room, the cafeteria, a peck on the cheek once as they got out of a car and headed into the school. They hadn't sung any more love songs either. Ryan knew the bathtub scene would keep the fans happy for quite a long while as it was dissected and GIFfed and reblogged in every conceivable format. It was due to go to air shortly and hints were being dropped strategically that something big was happening in the world of Kurt CoBlaine. Darren was just glad that he and Chris had cleared the air over Darren's mechanical problem. He was so glad Chris had explained that was all it was. It made so much sense! Now he didn't have to feel bad about the thoughts he'd had while they were mostly naked in the tub together. And if Darren went to sleep with Chris on his mind most nights, it didn't really mean anything, did it?

What got them back to hugging status was alcohol, and the fact Chris hadn't had a decent workout for a few days. He'd sung a ballad for the show with Lea that didn't require energetic choreography and he wanted to dance again. He had a plan and Darren would have to fall in line. Darren listened as Chris explained.  
>Chris had finished one of his non-Glee projects and he wanted to go out to a nightclub. He wanted to dance all night. Last time Chris went dancing he'd brought a body guard who totally ruined the mood. Darren still owed him after the "erroneous erection" incident. Darren would drive him, do the boring job of waiting in line at the bar to buy drinks, he would step in if anyone tried to dance with Chris more than once, and then Darren would drive him home. Chris had been forgiving of Darren and it was only right Darren do this favour for Chris.<p>

Chris looked a little unsure as he waited for Darren's answer to his demand. Like he thought maybe he was pushing the friendship but Darren was perfectly happy to comply. This was the kind of thing he wanted Chris to be able to ask of him. The kind of friendship he wanted to have. He was on board, no questions asked. If only Chris hadn't acted as if he had to blackmail Darren into it.  
>New York wasn't the only city that never slept. Even though it was a Wednesday night the gay club Chris had chosen was filled to capacity.<br>Darren brought Chris his first drink and leaned against a wall as they both assessed the scene. There were a couple of issues Darren wanted to raise, but he had to get up close to shout them over the music into Chris' ear.  
>"Am I allowed to dance too?"<br>"Of course," Chris yelled back. "But I'm not gonna dance with you all night! I want to dance with gay men!"  
>"What if you decide you want to take one home?" Darren bellowed.<br>"God Darren! I wouldn't have brought you with me if I was planning to pick up! I just want to dance!"  
>"Ok," Darren shouted back. "I'll help you warm up."<br>He grabbed Chris' hand and started heading towards the packed dance floor. Chris downed his drink enthusiastically and followed.  
>The beat was fast and Darren let his body feel it. All the crazy, quirky aspects of his personality were given free reign when he danced. Chris laughed at him and the two of them virtually competed for who could put the most energy into the dance. At one point Darren even grabbed Chris' hand and spun him away and then into his body like a 50's jive number they'd once performed on Glee. At the time they'd each been paired with a girl for the dancing of course but Chris knew instantly what Darren was doing when he grabbed his hand. They didn't do a lot of the steps though because of course it wasn't a jive number they were dancing to. It was just Darren being his crazy self making the dance a patchwork of moves and gestures from every conceivable style and genre. Chris laughed and grinned through the dance but let Darren walk away when the song changed. He was being a good slave lining up at the bar for another drink and a rather attractive blond had already tapped Chris on the shoulder and indicated he was keen to dance with Chris next.<p>

Darren waited patiently on the side of the dance floor watching Chris. He was definitely sticking to his rule and not dancing with the same guy twice. And he was definitely getting the workout he wanted. A few of them went for a bit of dirty dancing-style grind which Chris allowed up to a point. Darren thought the latest guy was pushing things and had already taken a step towards Chris when he turned and sought Darren out with his eyes. Darren politely tapped the guy on the shoulder and Chris took the opportunity of his distraction to wriggle away stepping gratefully into Darren's arms. Darren wrapped himself around his on-screen boyfriend so the unlucky suitor would get the message. It seemed to be just what Chris wanted as he relaxed against Darren's body and virtually snuggled into his embrace. The music was still fast and loud but they swayed slowly and comfortably on the dance floor 'til the end of the song and Darren was pleased that Chris hung on for the next as well. Being in Chris' arms felt like home, he'd been there so often. There was no awkwardness. No stress. Just warmth and caring.  
>Eventually Chris raised his head from Darren's shoulder to shout: "I have to pee!"<br>Darren chuckled and followed him off the dance floor. When Chris returned he seemed happy to take a break and lounge next to Darren on a chair he'd actually bribed someone to give up.  
>"Most of the time I don't want to have a boyfriend," Chris confided suddenly. "I'm too busy. I see people break up and make up, it seems too much hard work. But I do have those moments where I think it would be nice. Like dancing close with someone I trust."<br>Darren reached for Chris' hand and held it comfortingly. He was touched that Chris was opening up to him.  
>It was just then that a bloke in a suit and wearing a badge indicating he was an assistant manager approached them. He offered them a bottle of expensive champagne and held out a photo of Chris with a felt pen to be signed. He indicated without shouting too much that they wanted to frame it and hang it on the wall if he agreed. Chris shrugged and signed the photo while Darren grinned. They both frowned however when the guy held up a Beyonce CD and pointed up to the the ceiling gesturing that he wanted to shine a spotlight on Chris and have him do the Single Ladies' Dance. Chris shook his head vigorously and Darren stood up, frowning, trying to find as many ways to say NO in sign language as he could. The guy backed down politely, pointing to the champagne and proffering a hand to shake. Reluctantly Chris shook and then poured himself a glass as the guy backed away. Darren decided to have a glass as well to keep Chris company and then he was dragged back onto the dance floor and they were giving it their all again. Chris seemed to have changed his mind about dancing with Darren all night. They didn't leave the dance floor for nearly two hours and the champagne bottle had been completely drained. No more slow dances, just crazy, fun energy.<br>There was a bottleneck of people leaving around the same time and as they waited in the crowded passageway Chris pulled out the hem of Darren's loose t-shirt and stretched it to mop some of the sweat from his face and neck.  
>The gesture affected Darren unexpectedly and by the time he had driven Chris back to his house and walked him to the front door he was full of heat and tension. So when Chris thanked Darren politely for a great night as he leaned back into the doorway Darren didn't question his own motivations or the wisdom of his actions. He just did what came naturally. He leaned in towards Chris and kissed him.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

As their lips met, and moved against each other, Darren felt all the romantic feelings that go along with kissing someone you really like: his heart was racing, his whole body was hyper-aware of all the places he was touching Chris and he felt urgency building inside him urging him to get closer and closer … That's why he was crushed when Chris pulled away and laughed.  
>So he muttered goodnight and walked away, back to his car and drove back to his house, to his bed. Alone.<p>

And when he goes to bed he lies there and wonders

What the hell is going on?

He knows he got turned on the other day while they were filming but Chris explained that.

It could have happened to anybody doing a scene like that with any other actor.

And he knows he likes Chris, a lot, because they are friends and Chris is awesome.

Darren has spent a lot of time lately thinking about how awesome Chris is.

They work so closely together he has every opportunity to see how talented he is, how generous and kind, how much fun and also how smart - which is definitely high on Darren's list of attractive qualities . . .

Attractive? Did he find Chris attractive? No! Of coure not. Darren is straight. But then?

Everything felt so natural between them. When Darren wasn't thinking, just being, he started showing affection to Chris, hugging him, dancing close.

A kiss came naturally too. He'd kissed Chris many times now - but that was work, that was Blaine and Kurt.

But Darren had kissed other guys before when he wasn't working.

Guys who were gay and who were friends. It was part of his flirting approach - but really only on birthdays and such, or when he was among a crowd of drunken people at some party in college and there was a spinning bottle involved - flirting with Chris to help put their friendship on an easy footing was one thing but kissing him was probably taking it too far.

God Darren's head was starting to hurt now. He really was being ridiculous. There was nothing strange about ending a fun night with a simple kiss.

It didn't mean anything … ANYTHING at all.

Go to sleep Darren. Just, go to sleep.

Luckily, the dancing and probably the worry had tired him out sufficiently that Darren was able to do just that.

But then he started dreaming about Chris, dancing like he did with some of those guys at the club, grinding up against him.

And kissing him. Using his tongue. Shamelessly.

And because it was a dream they weren't at the club and then, they weren't dancing either, they were right here in Darren's bed and it felt so god damn real.

Chris was licking all over Darren's body.

He was moving quickly, changing, trying a hundred different positions that Darren had seen in porn movies, yes he'd watched them, he was a guy after all.

And oh my god, Chris was so athletic, so flexible and Darren didn't care that he didn't have breasts he was too fascinated (obsessed) with Chris' dick. He was dreaming so the dick he saw on Chris was unnaturally huge and Darren wanted to take a year to worship it but Chris was moving and thrusting against his body, against his legs, then his stomach, then his chest and Darren wasn't sure he believed in that stuff but he started seeing their auras and different coloured lights around their different chakras and Chris was rubbing his great big cock against Darren's chest and it was piercing him, wounding him, penetrating his heart chakra and opening him up, just opening him right up until Chris was coming in copious amounts his thick seed filling and filling and filling up the wound, the colour from his sex chakra flowing in with it to be surrounded, encircled by the colour of Darren's heart chakra, like a gemstone placed by a master craftsman into the most beautiful ring setting and when Darren woke up he was grasping his own cock and laying in a damp patch of come on the sheets and tears were streaming down his face.

He took a shower without turning on the light or allowing himself a single glance in the mirror. He changed the sheets without allowing his thoughts to turn even once to the dream. He lay back down and by the sheer power of his will he put himself back into a sleep that, this time, was a blank, bittersweet oblivion.

And the next day, when he got to the set for their late call, Darren listened without reacting as Chris laughed again and regaled most of the cast with the hilarious story of how he and Darren had gone out dancing and how Darren had been a real sport about driving and getting the drinks and how it was just too funny that the two of them had done so much kissing for work that out of habit (HABIT!) they automatically started kissing each other good night.

Darren smiled when people expected him to smile, he laughed when Chris expected him to laugh and he tried not to admire the way Chris wore Kurt's clothes and spoke Kurt's lines, and sang Kurt's song but no matter what he was doing he was always gorgeous, always perfect and just always … Chris.


	10. Chapter 10

Another week and another make-out scene.

The scene was to take place in a "costume room" off the auditorium. Kurt and Blaine were to have a sexy interlude after flirting and teasing each other through a group song. The filming was not going to be nearly as extensive as that for their "first time". The script called for them to first kiss in a heated fashion against a cupboard and then fall to the floor and keep kissing on top of several costumes where the scene would then end leaving the rest to the audience's fertile imaginations.

Since the night of the dream Darren had managed to keep up a friendly demeanour towards Chris. He had deliberately not changed any of his behaviour, continuing to greet Chris with pronouns like "gorgeous, hot-stuff, sexy and beautiful". As long as Darren was behaving in his "normal" fashion then he figured Chris would not suspect a thing. Darren had done pretty well at blocking out sexual thoughts about Chris although, disturbingly, they kept occurring and he had to keep blocking. He was proud of himself but, really, for all his good intentions, denying himself turned out to be a mistake.

On the very first take, as Chris pressed him up against the cupboard, their mouths meeting hungrily, Darren moaned loudly. This necessitated an embarrassing and lengthy debate between the director, a sound technician and someone Darren had never met before who seemed to know a lot about the censorship laws, and what did or did not fit within Glee's PG classification. Eventually they lined up for the second take with Darren ironically authorized to moan but "not in a sexual way." Huh?

This time they made it as far as the carefully choreographed fall to the floor. Despite the witnesses, the equipment, the interruptions Darren loved being able to kiss Chris again. And lying crushed against him on a pile of prop-costumes, his tongue probing into Chris' mouth, Darren couldn't hide his throbbing erection.

"Darren! Fuck!" Chris screamed suddenly when it registered.

"Cut!" the director barked immediately. "What happenned?"

"Got a knee in the balls, I bet," someone on the crew muttered. There were a couple of laughs from others and a concerned query as to Chris' health while both actors lay frozen on the floor. Thankfully the director told everyone to take a 10 minute break and the two were left alone to confront the "issue".

Darren sat up hesitantly not wanting to meet Chris' eye but needing to smooth things over desperately:

"I'm so sorry Chris. It was the mood and the way your were kissing me …"

"It's called acting Darren!"

Darren tried again. "It's just … I've been struggling … you see …"

But Chris was vehement:

"I do not want to fucking hear that you are in love with me. I don't want any hassles, I told you that."

No. Chris was not shy about expressing how he felt. He stood up looking down at Darren still sitting on the floor hanging his head.

"I am so pissed off with you Darren," he said. "I shouldn't have to fucking deal with this. I just want to do my job. You should have enough sense to make sure you get laid before we have to film something like this, the same way I do."

Darren stared up in shock as jealousy surged though him.

Chris had had sex last night - or was it this morning?

Chris had sex with someone.

Someone else.

Darren didn't know he was seeing someone.

But Chris was a free agent. Chris was the one who was actually gay.

Darren was straight and his recent feelings were an … anomaly. Why did it matter if Chris was getting some?

Why did Darren feel like crying?

Why was he now going to lie to Chris?

"I'm sorry. It's not me. I'm not feeling ... Ha! Not at all! It's Blaine. You know I take Blaine way too seriously. I've always been emotionally invested in this storyline, Chris. And having the opportunity as an actor to do something so significant. I just ... I've spent a lot of time working on trying to get into Blaine's head-space. I even tried a self-hypnosis technique. I wanted all my reactions to be as authentic as possible. I didn't realise my dick would react like Blaine as well."

Chris had been pacing but now he stopped to stare at Darren quizzically like he was trying to decide whether to believe him.

And all Darren felt was ashamed and trapped.

Making up this stuff about character bleed went against the very spirit of openness he'd tried to foster. But … but …

Chris had sex with someone and Darren just couldn't handle it.

"I'm just really sorry I made you so uncomfortable."

Chris remained silent until they started to hear the director and crew returning.

"Okay Darren. We will not be discussing this again but you just … keep your tongue in your mouth and your dick under control."

Darren felt bad enough and then he heard Chris' last half-whispered word - "Please."

When he left the studio later that day Darren dropped his belongings at home and went alone to a strip club.

A gay strip club.

And he sat, for hours, ignoring the offers that came his way.

Then he paid his tab and left, taking a taxi to a similar venue that featured women this time.

He watched, and he watched some more.

Finally he went home, tired and numb.

He took his laptop into the bedroom and found a compilation of Chris' dance performances on Glee.

He watched fan videos from the tour with Chris doing the Single Ladies Dance as only he could.

He watched a 10 minute loop someone had made of their Original Song kiss.

Then he watched every version he could find of Chris singing "I Want To Hold Your Hand".

He found himself crying, then furiously masturbating to a desperate orgasm, then crying some more.

Darren stepped into his bathroom and finally met his reflection. He knew it was time.

"I'm in love with Chris Colfer," he said. "Oh fuck."

After he changed his sheets Darren went to his wardrobe searching for something he hadn't seen in a while.

There it was. Chris' stupid jacket. The one that had started it all.

Darren bundled it into a pillow as best he could, laid his head down where he could breath in the smell of Chris, then pulled up the blanket and fell asleep.

* * *

><p><p>

AN: Er hello, again. So my you tube link in my last author's note failed. I have a lot of frustrations with using this website. Particularly getting formatting right. If anyone out there has a lot of experience using it and is willing to give me some clues I'm all ears.

Sorry I've taken two weeks to update again. I do have a lot of this story planned out ahead. It is just time time time.

Also, it would be awesome if I got a few extra reviews ... ;-) 


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Thank you for the reviews lovely readers! Something that has come up a few times is whether Chris' POV will be included. I have left it out on purpose but some insights through his actions and words are coming soon (not this little chapter though). I had originally planned another few chapters of angst but I was getting impatient so ... the M stuff is getting a lot closer ...

* * *

><p>Darren took the first opportunity to fly to Chicago and hang out with his friends from Team Starkid.<p>

He didn't discuss his feelings for Chris with them.

He just wanted to be distracted from the turmoil in his head and his heart. He wanted to find himself again, the old him who had it so easy.

So he went back there, like going back in time, right back to BC days - Before Chris.

And it was great: the laughter, the easy friendships.

But he couldn't forget.

On the flight back to LA he let the thoughts of Chris in.

Chris slow dancing in his arms. Chris staring into space while he pictured a fantasy world for children. Chris' witty repartee and generous laughter.

And time and again he came back to the memory of Chris, standing awkwardly in Darren's doorway, refusing to come in, saying he didn't hang out with "hot straight guys".

Chris thought he was hot. Chris found him attractive. What else could it mean?

And Darren couldn't help wondering: had Chris been so angry about Darren's latest transgression because he was so tempted to respond?

Did Chris dream of him at night sometimes too … when he wasn't with his mysterious lover … damn! Darren was back at square one.

The anger Chris had expressed had been real. He was angry with Darren because it was supposed to be fake. Fake kisses, fake emotion. Not real love and not real arousal. When Darren tried to kiss Chris as himself Chris had laughed at him. When they kissed and touched each other it was all for work. For the cameras. For the fans. If Chris wanted real kisses and real sex Chris would turn to whoever this guy was that he had mentioned. The one who had made love to him just hours before Darren had kissed him so eagerly. Darren started to picture different types of men with Chris. Was he tall? Was he fair? Had he touched Chris lovingly? Passionately? It nearly made Darren sick to think of it. He'd always had a jealous streak, he'd written a song about it, but he hadn't even made love with Chris and already his feelings were as possessive as a lover's. What was he going to do? What could he do?

Darren needed his mojo back.

Discovering his feelings for Chris and dealing with the conflict between them on set had thrown his confidence.

He wasn't usually a guy who was filled with doubt. Sure he was humble but he also knew he had a lot to offer.

He accepted a cup of coffee from the first-class steward putting his chair back upright as well.

If there was a spark of attraction on Chris' side then Darren had a chance.

Whoever this guy was he obviously wasn't boyfriend material or he would have been introduced on set.

Darren had to show Chris how perfect they could be together.

He would seduce him but not just that.

He didn't just want Chris to fall into bed with him. He wanted the works.

Chris had to fall in love as well.

Ah, there's the rub Darren silently quoted the Scottish play to himself.

Chris' heart was heavily protected. And he was suspicious of "straight" guys approaching him.

Darren had to tread carefully. But he would not hold back out of fear.

Chris was a prize worth fighting for. And not just as a trophy the way Chris feared.

Darren was 100% sincere and he had to show that to Chris.

Darren thought of the gushing fan postings he'd observed on facebook and tumblr as well as other sites.

Apparantly he had ruined people's lives by setting such a high standard for men (he chuckled to himself at the hyperbole).

Well they couldn't all be wrong.

He had to have some chance of winning Chris over.

And he knew how to take the first step.


	12. Chapter 12

Darren started putting plans in place to help Chris fall in love with him but a little time was needed.

Next time he was at work Darren overheard Lea and Dianna making plans to go to a new open-air market that was reputed to have a lot of quality vintage clothes and jewellery as well as old records and movie props. They planned to invite Chris to hang out on their next day off, so Darren invited himself along. The more time he spent with Chris the better.

Chris had been a little cool to Darren lately. Not enough for anyone on set to notice but Darren definitely felt it. By the time they arrived at the market the girls had relaxed him with their laughter and chatter. Lea had recently broken up with her boyfriend and she had always flirted with him a little. Darren didn't like her personally as much as he did Diana but he usually tolerated it. Now though he didn't want to send Chris the wrong signal, or mistakenly engage Lea's affections. He was carefully polite but removed her arm when she tried to loop it through his own and made no effort to laugh at her inane jokes.  
>They started out browsing together as a group but pretty soon Dianna and Lea were obsessing over clothes together and by silent agreement Darren and Chris moved on to a book stall. Soon Chris spotted an autographed first edition of The Never-Ending Story and pointed it out. Both guys reached for their wallets at the same time when they realised the other wanted it. It turned a bit ridiculous with both swearing they were not going to buy it and then both offering to buy it FOR the other until finally a woman nearby waved a $50 bill at the stall-owner and snapped it up.<p>

Chris laughed at Darren's crestfallen expression and said: "Hey, cheer up, I see a toy stall - let's go play!"

Darren was happy Chris had returned to his old self and relaxed his guard enjoying the pleasure of watching Chris try out various toys designed for children 5 and up. That's the man I love, he thought with a fond smile. It was an hour before the girls found them and another half hour before they succeed in dragging the two away to a nearby cafe for lunch. Once they found a table Lea went inside to discuss vegan-friendly options with the chef and Dianna excused herself to the bathroom.

They sat in companionable silence for a while. Darren contemplated taking Chris' hand and spilling the secret of his heart the same way he'd done as Blaine in the Original Song episode but he knew that would be a stupid move.  
>Somehow Chris seemed to sense his serious mood and he removed his sunglasses to look at Darren with concern.<br>"We're okay aren't we?" he asked. "I hate being at odds with you. Your friendship has been important to me. Was I too harsh the other day … during that scene?"  
>"Chris I …" Darren longed to take Chris' hand, to caress a thumb over his cheek, his lips.<br>"I do need to talk to you."  
>Chris was staring at him, assessing, but they both noticed the girls heading back to the table.<br>"I'm not going to wait and imagine what this is about," Chris spoke quickly. "Come home with me today after lunch. We can talk there."

**********************  
>Darren was silent as Chris drove them back to his house, parked the car and let them in.<br>Chris put away his keys and wallet and pointedly switched off his phone. Then he sat down on one side of the dining table gesturing for Darren to take the seat opposite.

Butterflies ran rampant in Darren's chest but he kept a reign on them and dove right in. He had decided to be honest and up front with Chris and now he had that chance.

"When I pushed you, to let me into your life and let me become your friend, it was because I wanted to know you better. I saw you holding back and it didn't seem right. You and I have always got along because there's so many interests we share but I knew there was more than the surface conversations that we COULD share. I could see that you're introverted and you need your time alone. That you're often preoccupied with stories in your head. But the restraint was more than that. That's why I pushed. I've had gay friends before. I wanted to help you learn to be friends with a straight guy and not feel like you had to walk on eggshells. But mainly I was curious. I liked you. I was drawn to you. I couldn't wait to find out more."

Chris was listening, it seemed like he was waiting for Darren's words to cross a line.

"I feel that you have started to open up to me. I've started to see how truly awesome you are inside as well as out," Darren said and Chris smiled a little at that typically Darren expression.

"But the sex got in the way," Chris said and he seemed a little sad. "The Kurt and Blaine sex."

"What got in the way was me," Darren replied. " I hadn't focused on helping you get to know me as well as me getting to know you. In some ways it is just a matter of time and opportunity. Like, I want you to come and see me perform one of my own shows. My original music. And hang out with some of my other friends a lot more." He sighed. "But, there are other reasons you haven't got to know me so well yet. Sometimes, lately, I've hidden myself. Because I'd lost track of who I was. I kept being surprised by what I was feeling for you. And confused. I didn't know how to deal with it. Especially given what you'd said about straight guys wanting to feed their egos by fucking the successful gay actor. When I … was aroused with you on set … it was awkward because we were working and neither of us expected it. So I was embarrassed. And I tried to hide. I grabbed onto your mechanical explanation like it was a lifeline. I didn't tell you about the fantasies I was having in my head."

Chris' eyes went wide and he licked his lips.

"And then I lied to you, the other day. I told you I'd hypnotised myself and was getting character bleed. But it simply wasn't true. I'd been trying so hard not to think of you in a sexual way that the minute I got close to you again I … got hard. I walked away from you after our night out dancing because I'd let go for a minute and acted on instinct when I kissed you. Everything I've been feeling left me confused and overwhelmed.  
>"But Chris, I'm still fascinated. The more I know you the more I want from you. I've come to the conclusion that it will never change. I'll always be curious to hear your thoughts, more than any other person. I'm always going to keep wanting more of you. Whatever and as much as you will give.<br>"But I want you to know me too and know that I'm not the kind of guy who would just try to fuck you for an ego boost."

Chris spoke up at last.

"Darren, I already know that. I do know you. Other guys have the ego reaction but because of your personality you've turned it into a romantic thing in your head. A fake romantic thing. This is why I said you shouldn't imagine you're falling in love with me. Being around me too much could damage your career. At the moment you're getting respect for playing a gay character but if people started to think you WERE gay you'd find it pretty hard to get cast as straight ever again. You wouldn't get opportunities like the part in Immogene. You'd be killing your chances for a silly flirtation. A reaction to my success."

"What if it wasn't a flirtation? What if it's not about your success? What if I'm gay?"

The words hung between them.

"Are you seriously having those thoughts Darren? Are you doubting 24 years of straightness? I think it's pretty rare to not have any inkling you might be gay before this."

"Chris I've thought about this a lot. Believe me. I've looked back over my early sexual experiences. It is kind of embarrassing. Ever since I was a teenager girls seemed to come to me without any effort on my part. Literally I've never had to chase any of them. So I've kind of always had access to easy sex. I never looked beyond what was always available. Since Glee I've had to start being careful. I've still got women making me offers but now I … I don't want to take advantage of a girl who has put me up on a pedestal. And I don't want to see intimate photos of myself all over the internet. So, it's been … a little while. And I don't know how much to read into the fact that when left to their own devices, without having sex on tap, my instincts have zeroed in on a male. I mean, the women in our cast are generally regarded as pretty hot. I really like Dianna. I care about her. She's fun. But it's you I've been thinking about when I jerk off lately. What else can that mean?"

Chris is silent for a moment. They are staring at each still across the distance of the dining table, neither reaching out.

Chris shakes his head. "You know what Darren? There is a chance you're gay, or bisexual if you choose to believe that even exists, but I'm not ready to believe it. I think you've focused on me because I'm the person you work closest with and you do have character bleed. I do know you. When we sang that song in the bath it was like we got married or something. You are caught up in Kurt and Blaine's romance. I just can't believe you could be gay and not know it before now. You are not gay."

Darren shrugs. "You're right to say I would have expected some other clues before this age. That's why I've been reacting so out of character. I'm an open person, I don't usually go about hiding what is going on in my head. And if I was gay I wouldn't be ashamed of it. But yes, feeling this, now, at this time is weird and it has been very fucking confusing. But for every time you say I'm not I could ask a person in the street: does kissing someone of the same sex and getting turned on mean you are gay and they would say yes."

Darren studied Chris who was looking away now deep in thought. How could he prove himself? Chris didn't want to hear the three little words that Darren knew to be true. He hadn't yet told Chris about going to the strip clubs or watching videos of Chris online. Would that sound creepy? Before he could speak again Chris was off and running in a completely unexpected direction.

"You need to experiment. You never did that when you were younger. We need to sort this out so we can work together. An experiment is the best way. I can do it with you." Then, almost to himself, Chris added, "I'm sure I can do this once (or even a few times) without getting emotionally involved."

Darren was hurting at these words but he merely said "I couldn't ask that of you, Chris."

"But you didn't, Darren. I'm offering. I mean, this problem could be solved pretty easily. You could run out of the room screaming pretty quick."

"Chris, I … I've already been close to naked with you. And what I haven't seen I've imagined - with great pleasure. If you and I were to experiment, which … I don't even know if that is a good idea … I doubt very much that I would run screaming anywhere."

"But the reality is different Darren! Vastly different. I'm happy to show you how but I expect we won't get very far at all." Chris stood up and moved around the table … "We can do it now," he said.

"What? Now?" Darren stood up as well. Fuck. He hadn't expected this. He didn't really want to be intimate with Chris without saying I love you. He wanted a relationship; he wanted Chris' heart. But what if this was a step towards achieving that goal? For Chris to see how serious Darren was he may just have to show him.

Chris was smirking at him now. "I knew it! You don't want to get it on with me. You are totally straight."

"No," Darren replied, as he made his decision and started taking his shoes off, "I'm totally not."


	13. Chapter 13

I think if Kurt and Blaine are getting it on then Chris and Darren should too ...

* * *

><p>"Okay," Chris says standing completely still and watching Darren fold his socks neatly inside his runners.<p>

"You've changed your mind?" Darren asks after he stands up.

Chris hesitates. "No. I still want to do this … to help you. To help us at work."

To say Darren is feeling pretty happy is an understatement. He knows Chris has to be feeling some attraction to him to have talked himself into this 'experiment'. And maybe the attraction goes deeper than the physical. But there is an awkward standoff now. It is three in the afternoon and they are standing in the middle of the room staring at each other.

"Perhaps, the bedroom?" Darren asks and this provokes Chris to action.

"No," he says. "Come with me." He leads Darren through to another section of the house Darren has never seen before, where a sliding door opens onto a deck.

Chris offers Darren a chair and heads to the railing.

"Please just give me a couple of minutes," he says.

Darren is concerned but waits patiently and watches Chris' back as he stares out at the foliage beyond. He keeps his thoughts firmly in the present moment, trying not to think about what may or may not happen shortly.

Finally Chris turns around and he has a sweet smile on his face. He meets Darren's eyes and inclines his head inviting him closer.  
>When Darren approaches Chris keeps giving him the come hither until Darren is standing well inside the zone of personal space.<br>Chris' eyes focus in on Darren's mouth just a second before he kisses him.

And then Darren is falling in love all over again because Chris is kissing him and it's not like Kurt and Blaine at all. Chris' lips are open much wider and his tongue is everywhere and he's nudging Darren into a spot against the railing. Then Chris is on his neck making Darren moan and he's pushing his t shirt out of the way and Darren really is in heaven. Chris slows down a little and he kisses his way up Darren's neck with smaller kisses and swirls of his tongue until he reaches Darren's ear and sucks the lobe into his mouth as his hands restrain Darren's hips which are begging to thrust against his own. Barely a minute has passed and Darren is already panting when Chris releases his ear lobe and speaks softly against Darren's ear.  
>"I have a plan."<p>

They stand like that for a minute lost in the closeness of each other until Chris steps back a little and meets Darren's eyes again.  
>"We need to make some ground rules though," he says.<br>"Okay," Darren says though what he means is anything you want.  
>Chris takes hold of Darren's hands gazing at him sweetly but intently.<br>"We have to communicate with each other," he says. "You have to be honest about what you are feeling. I know you are really open-minded, and you are an actor but I need you to promise that you won't do anything you don't really really want to do. It has to not just be tolerable or acceptable to you; any action you take has to be because you are 100% enthusiastic to do it."  
>"Good. You're right. Not a problem." Darren answers quickly.<br>Chris takes a deep breath. "And this experiment has to be finite, Darren. You can't have a regular booty call under the guise of being confused. You understand."  
>Darren swallows. "Of course Chris. I would never use you like that. You're telling me this is just a one-off, right?"<br>A frown mars Chris' beautiful face temporarily.  
>"Um, well, I wouldn't rule out a second or even third time, if it comes to that. For you to know definitely. One way or another. You've never done anything serious with another man before have you?"<br>"No," Darren promises quickly. "Just kisses. And once a guy kind of groped me for a minute over my clothes, years ago."  
>"Right. Well I think we should start small. But still, it might give you a reality check. After all, you can't be gay unless you can …" Chris leans in to Darren's ear once more and whispers: "suck cock".<br>Darren feels a jolt all the way through his body. And he tells Chris earnestly:  
>"I am 100% enthusiastic about sucking your cock today." A beautiful peal of laughter bursts from Chris and he hugs Darren simply and naturally before taking his hand and leading him back inside.<p>

This time Darren watches as it is Chris who removes his shoes. But he doesn't stop there. He goes right ahead and peels off his jeans and briefs too dumping them on top of his shoes. Darren thinks he shouldn't stare because he cares about Chris and doesn't want to objectify him but seriously he can't resist and although Chris' dick isn't as big as the inhuman super-cock that featured in Darren's dream there is still an impressive amount to play with and Chris isn't even hard yet.

Chris sits on the lounge.  
>"Take your shirt off too," Darren suggests.<br>Chris seems a little reluctant at first but eventually does so telling Darren he has to take his top off for fair play. Which Darren really doesn't mind at all.  
>Darren gets on his knees.<br>He starts slowly running his hands over Chris' torso when Chris interrupts:  
>"Do you want a cushion - under your knees?"<br>Darren tilts his head considering.  
>"I guess it kind of depends how long I'm going to be on them," he muses.<br>Chris' response is a grin.  
>"Depends how good you are I guess."<br>Darren smiles as well but then turns serious.  
>"Thank you for letting me do this," he says.<br>Chris smirks.  
>"You haven't done anything yet. Second thoughts?"<br>In answer Darren pushes Chris' legs apart and puts his face right in beside Chris' genitals. He nuzzles in not actually doing anything sexual to Chris but taking deep breaths and savouring his scent. He expresses his pleasure with some mmm mmm sounds. Then he looks up and says: "I'm so happy to be here, right now, with you".

As they look in each other's eyes Chris' penis gets harder and harder going from hanging down in a normal fashion to standing straight up in front of Darren's face. Darren grins again and puts his mouth straight over the top beginning to suck and moan right away as if he's having the most delicious ice cream ever invented.

Chris says "fuck" and "I knew you'd make lots of noise". Darren grabs Chris' penis with his hand and pops off for a second to say "that's me, can't shut up" before he gives a big broad-tongued lick all along the length he is holding, opens his mouth wide again and groans in pleasure as he sinks his head down as far as he can tasting as much as he can, sucking and sucking and sucking.

Chris is stiff in more ways than one. He holds himself back, not touching Darren although he laughs at him and mutters: "I'm going to get you a 'Can't Shut Up' t-shirt".  
>Darren's hands start to get involved, carressing Chris' testicles and stroking his thighs. They rub across his stomach and chest to arms and shoulders. He teases Chris' nipples until they are hard then he brings one hand back to the place where he has been using his mouth for several minutes. He lets his mouth hover now over the head of Chris' cock tickling with his tongue while he presses his thumb firmly on the underside, fingertips lightly on the other, and strokes up to meet his mouth. Chris is starting to lose control but he stretches his arms out to each side of him grabbing at the fabric of the lounge chair his head turned to the side biting his lip, eyes closed and beginning to pant a little.<br>Darren knows what Chris needs and he puts his mouth back on fully and wraps his hand around forming a rhythm and once again moaning into the task. He notices Chris is trying not to thrust his hips forward so he slips his other hand around behind Chris' back and presses him forward at the base of his spine. In another minute Chris' whole body tenses lifting him off the seat and his hands nearly tear the cover off the chair as his come spurts hotly into Darren's mouth.  
>"It's like a combination of tamarind and persimmon," Darren says thoughtfully giving one last lick. "It's fucking delicious."<p>

Chris groans, his chest still heaving and finally looks at Darren.  
>There is a little sweat around his hairline and his eyes are hot with lust. Slowly he leans towards his 'straight' costar and kisses him the way he did earlier, letting his tongue explore everywhere and even though he's just come there is passion and urgency behind his movements. Pretty soon Darren is kissing Chris all over his neck, chest, jaw and back to his mouth until they have to break apart for air.<p>

"So did I pass the test?" Darren asks earnestly but with the hint of a smile. "The reality is definitely to my taste".  
>"Sure," Chris replies and his voice sounds rough and hoarse.<br>"You proved you could be gay - if you want to."  
>Now they stare at each other for a while, the thought hanging between them.<p>

Darren knows the more important test is what he says right now … and how Chris reacts.

"I want to experience everything with you," he begins and it feels more appropriate than ever for him to be on his knees.

"I'm scared of changing in other people's eyes, I'll admit that, but I feel compelled to try to be with you. You haven't exactly given me any reason to think I have a chance, I know we don't have a relationship yet but …" tears start to fall as the intensity of the moment and looking into Chris' beautiful eyes get to him … "I think I've been in love with you for months."

Chris stops his words with a kiss. But it is only brief.

"Thank you," he says. Then, "God, Darren I don't know where we go from here. I mean, that blow job was really fucking good."

Darren grins hopefully but Chris goes on:

"You might have been thinking about this for months but I am still kind of reeling here. You're in love with me? Before today I didn't think that was even possible."

Chris gives a heavy sigh.

"There's also ... I kind of have a way I've taught myself of blocking out thoughts about guys who are straight. I haven't allowed myself to think ... I don't really know how I feel about you, at all. I mean, I like you, of course. And, obviously you're fucking hot. But … a relationship? As well as working together?

"I think, what I need is time," Chris tells him and Darren gets to his feet putting his shirt back on, not looking at Chris.  
>"Take as much time as you need," he says quietly.<p>

Chris reaches for his hand.  
>"Hey," he clears his throat and gives a self-deprecating laugh.<br>"I'm not totally selfish you know, if you want I can return the favour …" he gestures towards Darren's still swollen crotch but Darren shakes his head.  
>"Thanks. I'll be okay." He heads towards the door, only turning back to say,<br>"See you at work."

His last glimpse is of Chris sitting naked on the couch looking very confused as his costar and friend departs.

* * *

><p>Reviews?<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you okay?" was the first thing Chris said to Darren when they saw each other again at work.

Darren's smile was warm and open. "Totally," he said.

There was confusion in Chris' eyes and he kept glancing at Darren as they strolled from wardrobe to the set which currently featured the Hummel lounge room pieces.

They were quickly directed to cuddle up on the couch for a scene in which Finn and Burt were to have a loud argument. Kurt and Blaine didn't even have any lines but were an important presence, witnesses to the heated discussion.

Darren sat down and opened his arms for Chris to arrange himself into them as he was directed. There was a brief discussion with the director about how they were to react to Burt and Finn in this scene but as it turned out his preference was for Kurt and Blaine to largely remain focused on each other. That suited Darren fine.

Chris sat delicately and cautiously leaned into Darren's embrace. He rested a hand on Darren's chest and his head on Darren's shoulder. One of his legs was curled across Darren's lap and Darren placed a hand on Chris' knee rubbing gently back and forth as his other arm wrapped around Chris' shoulder.  
>They were silent for a minute as the crew bustled around and the director spoke with Mike and Corey.<p>

Then Chris looked up and met Darren's eyes, tapping his hand against Darren's chest where it had been resting. "I can feel your heart beating. It's fast," he said.  
>Darren smirked. "I get excited when I get close to you. But don't worry you won't have to deal with an 'erroneous erection' again. I had a long enjoyable shower just before during which I relived in vivid detail our recent 'experiment'. I'll be out of action for a while."<p>

Chris blushed, cleared his throat and moved restlessly against his costar on the couch.  
>"I … Fuck, I don't know what to say to that," he muttered eventually laughing a little. Darren laughed lightly too and gave Chris a little peck on the lips before reminding himself that this was work and not to use the scene as an opportunity to try to seduce the beautiful man he was in love with.<p>

They got started with a first take which Darren thought both Corey and Mike performed really well. He stayed relaxed and enjoyed Chris nuzzling in against him as he drew little circles on Chris' leg with his thumb.

As the crew were rearranging slightly for a second take Chris spoke quietly again:

"You took off pretty fast. I thought you might have started regretting what we did."  
>"Never," was Darren's simple reply.<p>

Again they were silent for a full take of the scene, glancing up at Corey's entrance and again when he and Mike started shouting but mainly looking at each other sweetly and lovingly. Darren didn't even bother to switch into Blaine mode. This was too easy and fun.

When their two fellow actors went back to their starting marks Chris stretched and shifted position. They were seated more side by side now but Darren's hand was in one of Chris' and this time it was his knee being stroked and caressed.

The next take was cut short when Mike flubbed one of his lines and Darren took the short interval to gather his thoughts.  
>Chris had raised the issue of his rapid departure after the blow jobconfession the other day. Perhaps Darren needed to explain some more.

He gently caught Chris' chin and brought his attention round until they were looking in each other's eyes once more.  
>"I'm sorry. If I worried you," he began.<br>"And ACTION," called an Assistant Director.  
>Darren leaned forward to whisper in Chris' ear knowing the movement would look appropriate for Blaine as well.<br>"I should have stayed. I bet you could teach me a few things."  
>He felt Chris shiver in his arms and started pressing kisses gently to his neck.<br>"CUT! Pulling focus again Chris!" someone shouted and Darren leaned back to voice an apology.  
>"My fault sorry!"<p>

Chris looked a little self-conscious as he rubbed his neck and eyed Darren up and down before leaning in obediently to his assigned spot - all over Darren.  
>With his head on Darren's chest Chris murmured, "I haven't reached a decision yet. To be honest I'm very mixed up."<br>"Mmm?" Darren replied as shooting began once again.

They ran through the whole scene again and once the script ran out Corey asked for a toilet break because of "too much coffee".

Chris sat up to speak to Darren although he kept hold of Darren's hand ignoring the movements of crew members around them.  
>"It would be easy to fall into something just on the physical side," Chris said quietly. "But I have to take seriously what you told me. About being in love."<br>To Darren's ear there was a slight question behind the words as Chris spoke them. Like he couldn't quite believe it was true. So he didn't hesitate to answer:  
>"I am. With you."<br>Chris smiled shyly on hearing it again.  
>"You've thrown me a curve ball that's for sure. My minds been going round in circles. I finally persuaded myself to switch off because you'd probably freaked out and decided you were straight after all."<br>Again Darren detected a question although it was phrased as a statement.  
>"Chris, I'm serious," Darren said, squeezing his co-star's hand. "When I left so quickly it was because I wished a little bit that you were ready to return all of my feelings, although I knew - I know - it's going to take some time. I just laid my heart bare to you and you were like 'Um, maybe' which is totally cool. Really. I just … at that moment I was a bit overwhelmed. I had to let go of the fantasy that you'd been secretly in love with me all along as well. But I understand. Like you said, you've had your ways of keeping straight guys in the friend zone. Now I'm asking you to change that and consider my application for not just the Gay category but also the one and only Boyfriend role … if that position is vacant …".<br>This time Darren was asking the question and his heart leapt at Chris' cheeky grin.

"Yeah it's vacant. And I'm thinking about offering you a call-back audition too."  
>Darren groaned and nearly kissed Chris thinking of all the things they could start doing to each other if they tried another 'experiment'.<p>

Luckily Corey returned before he lost control and more takes proceeded.

Optimism was singing through Darren's body and heart as he cuddled Chris and they played games with each other's fingers trying to remain appropriately in the background of the scene.  
>Finally the shoot was finished.<p>

"Big night tonight," Henry commented as they were leaving together. Darren looked up in shock. Did everyone know?  
>"Yeah, Tumblr will be rioting," Chris replied casually and Darren glanced at him with eyes wide. Chris laughed and shoved him playfully.<br>"You forgot didn't you? Our bathtub episode is airing tonight. We've got all that press tomorrow."  
>"Right, of course. Klex. How could I forget," Darren replied. Real life had totally usurped the fictional developments and Darren couldn't be happier.<p>

Chris was planning to get some food next but Darren stopped him before he approached the group of other cast members and asked Chris to get out his phone.  
>Chris did so and when he gave Darren a querying look Darren explained:<br>"Call up your calendar app. I want to schedule some dates."

* * *

><p>Thanks to my friend Anne for helping talk through the direction of the story after the last chapter.<p>

Reviews anyone?


	15. Chapter 15

End of last chapter Recap:

Chris was planning to get some food next but Darren stopped him before he approached the group of other cast members and asked Chris to get out his phone.  
>Chris did so and when he gave Darren a querying look Darren explained:<br>"Call up your calendar app. I want to schedule some dates."

Ch 15

Chris was hesitating but Darren pressed him: "We have to spend more time together so you can know me better, so you can decide what you want."

"But we're not going out in public, right?"

"Of course," Darren replied. "Just low-key, except … you've got to be available on the 15th. Tell me you don't have anything on, or you can shift it ..."

Chris' finger stroked across the screen of his phone. "What time?"

"Late."

"Ok. I'm free. What's going on?"

Darren's grin was wicked.

"Guerilla gig. I'm going to Tweet and Facebook it 24 hours ahead but I have the band lined up and Charlene's coming. It's another side to me that I want you to see.

You're going to love Charlene too."

Chris glanced up from his phone to meet Darren's eyes.

"Did you actually plan a concert for my benefit?"

If possible Darren's grin got wider.

Chris shook his head in amazement.

"Ok that's locked in. But you know we're both busy a lot this next week. I don't know if we …"

"Any gaps you got," was Darren's reply.

* * *

><p>Between dance rehearsals and then shooting later that night the whole cast were active on twitter and monitoring Tumblr as the ground-breaking episode aired first on the east coast and then across the country. Darren was always amazed at how quickly the fans would create photo-sets and GIFs.<p>

The episode had just concluded when the cast began nominating the best GIFs they could find, or rather, had been sent to them.

Kevin found one particular image hilarious and sent it round to the whole cast. It was a close up of Darren's face and his eyes were indisputably lust-filled as he stared at Chris. Some fan had added a catchphrase that flashed on and off in capital letters:

CAN'T FAKE THE FEELING!

Obviously that fan was a Chriss Squared shipper.

Ironically Darren thought some of his best acting was done when Kevin and others on the cast teased him good naturedly about it. He'd have been happy to shout his feelings to the roof-tops but he didn't think Chris would appreciate that - not just yet at least.

Darren let most of it wash over him. He was most curious to see Jim Cantiello's Gleecap which would not be up for 24 hours.

He wasn't even planning to tweet until Chuck posted something and he wanted to acknowledge it.

He concentrated on doing a good job with the dance moves and stealing little glances at Chris. They had a date coming up and then Chris would be at the gig where

Darren had a surprise for him. His plan to be honest about his feelings while wooing Chris had definitely been a good one.

He had more steps to enact but everything was falling into place.

* * *

><p>The first day of interviews seemed to go on forever.<p>

Interest in the episode was high and it was reviewed well although, as was expected, there was plenty of condemnation from right-wing groups.

Many positive comments focused on the integration of the love scene into the storyline, that it was not gratuitous and the gay couple were being treated the same as other characters.

Darren was happy his work was doing so much good but he was exhausted.

He showered quickly before heading over to Chris' place, grabbing take out on the way.

When Chris let him in Darren nearly grabbed him straight away.

Chris was wearing track pants with a loose t-shirt and Darren had never seen anything sexier.

He liked the fact that Chris was still relaxing after work even though Darren had come over. But then he would have been delighted if Chris had dressed up for him too.

Everything Chris did was awesome. God, Darren thought, I've got it bad. But he couldn't help grinning anyway.

Chris stood back and looked him up and down, his brow furrowed over Darren's maniacal grin but he just laughed musically and led the way to the dining table where he

already had some plates and cutlery set out.

"So, first date," Darren said and then looked suddenly distressed. "Damn I should have brought roses."

"Really Darren it's ok," Chris answered. "You brought food - way more impressive. Sit down."

He sat himself and opened some of the cartons sniffing appreciatively and serving it out onto plates for each of them.

"So, tell me your list of pros and cons for starting a relationship with me," Darren asked earnestly as they began their meal.

Chris contemplated before responding coyly, "Maybe that would be giving too much away."

"Oooh flirty Chris, I'm making progress. Ok let me tell you all the pros then."

Chris laughed and wiped his chin with a paper towel before replying. "Really there's no need. Your charms are many. I'm just still wrapping my head around three

impossible things happening all at once."

"I want to ask you about the impossible things," said Darren, "But tell me about my charms first."

"Oh Darren," said Chris. "We'd be here all night," and he winked.

Darren felt adrenaline flood his gut. Chris was definitely flirting with him. He wanted to sweep all the stuff off the table and drag Chris onto it to give him another blow job.

Instead he chewed slowly and watched Chris suck the filling out of a spring roll with eyebrow arched.

Was this for real? Was everything starting to work out just as he'd hoped? Or had Chris allowed himself to be tempted down the 'easy path' of letting the physical

overwhelm the emotional?

Was Chris hiding behind the physical because he knew it had a good chance of distracting Darren? Come to think of it Darren was doing a lot of the flirting himself.

He was getting distracted by Chris' hotness when he really needed to show Chris that he was serious about wanting a relationship.

This was supposed to be about them connecting on all levels. Darren was ready to open up his heart and soul to Chris and his most fervent desire - even more than the

desire to consummate the feelings he had for Chris - was for Chris to be open with his own heart and soul and share them fully with Darren. That's when he would know

his feelings were returned.

"What are the three impossible things?" he asked and as he suspected Chris' manner became a little more serious, more shuttered.

"It doesn't matter. Just, you know, you saying you're gay and that."

"And what?" Darren persisted.

"And being interested in me of course," Chris said a little tensely.

"Being in love with you?"

Chris flushed. "That's the third thing."

Darren let silence linger and ate some more food. He knew Chris would give in soon. Which he did.

"Ok look. One is you being gay. Two is you being attracted to me and three is … this love declaration," he shook his head clearly disbelieving. "I can't exactly have a

relationship with somebody who is acting like he just stepped out of a fantasy. Relationships have to be real."

Darren was a little taken aback.

"I get that I said I was straight and now I'm not so that one makes sense but what's with number two and three? Once you accept number one then two is natural and

three is obvious."

They had both stopped eating and Darren spread his arms wide as if asking the rest of the furniture to enlighten him about his confusion.

For the first time Chris started to look angry.

"It's not obvious ok! Since I got famous I'm the guy everybody wants. But who wanted me before? I'm telling you now I wasn't turning away queues of people then. You

sit there with your bedroom eyes and your sexy lips and your muscles and your tan. What did you tell me? Girls have always thrown themselves at you? Well now people

of both sexes are throwing themselves at me but how many of them would look twice if I didn't have a Golden Globe? They don't really know me. They don't really like

me."

Chris heaved a big breath while Darren tried to process Chris' words.

"Sorry. Look, I try to fight the automatic instinct to doubt you. I know you're sincere when you say you're attracted to me. It is kind of hard to argue with an erection,"

Chris continued. "But I guess I still have insecurity over my appearance and my voice and well, everything. And then you take it to the next level. You say you're in love

with me. And that seems even crazier. I mean, I've had a boyfriend or two but I can't say there was a deep bond of love between us. I know what infatuation feels like.

And I've seen people in long term marriages like my parents. I just don't know how you get from A to B I guess. Can it develop out of friendship? Do people just get

confused because they're horny? How can you tell the difference? And what if it goes away? What if, after a while, I decided I was ready to love you for the rest of my life

and it turned out you were ready to move on? What would I do then?"

"Oh Chris," Darren said. And then he stood up and pushed his chair back deliberately, walking slowly around the table and pulling Chris into his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

Darren held Chris in his arms.

He wasn't crying but he did sort of snuffle into Darren's shoulder.

"Let's talk more on the couch," Darren suggested.

"Um, I'd like to but I'm actually still hungry," Chris answered making Darren laugh.

He quickly loaded Chris' plate from the remaining cartons and pulled him over to the couch where he sat cross-legged watching as Chris ate slowly, not looking at Darren.

"You're perfect. You're gorgeous. And I'm not going anywhere," Darren said quietly.

Chris glanced up and smiled mumbling a thank you as he finished chewing. Then his eyes moved down to focus on Darren's lips before he looked away, flushed.

Darren gently removed Chris' plate to the table and then took Chris' hand.

"Sorry, my fingers are greasy," Chris said with a nervous laugh. "You'll get messy and sticky."

"I don't mind," Darren answered lacing their fingers together. "Messy and sticky could be fun."

But Chris pulled away and stood up saying he needed a drink and would Darren like one too?

Waiting patiently on the couch Darren saw Chris head to the kitchen when he remembered something.

Grabbing his keys he opened the front door and ran to his car returning with the item in less than a minute.

When he stepped inside Chris was frozen half-way to the couch with two drinks in his hands looking pale and distraught.

"I thought, for a second I thought you'd …"

"No!" Darren answered emphatically.

He took the non-Diet Coke drink from Chris and sat again, taking a sip before flashing Chris an enormous grin. "You got me apple juice!"

"Yeah," said Chris sitting back down.

Silence reigned for another minute and they both drank some more before both began sentences with: "I'm sorry …".

Laughing, the tension broken, Chris leaned back against the couch shaking his head. "I suck at this," he said.

Darren set his glass down and showed Chris what he'd gone to the car to retrieve.

"Remember this?" he asked.

"My jacket," Chris identified.

"Yeah," Darren said. "Well I'm bringing it back. Because it started as a joke and an attempt to win your friendship, but for a while now I've been clinging to it as a symbol

of you, something I could hold onto and possess because I didn't have you. But I'm returning it because it's not enough any more. I want the real thing. Including the

insecurities and the weird bits: your sleepwalking, sleep-shopping, overachieving, overworking, whatever; I want you to accept that stuff about me too. I want a real

relationship and I know it takes work. Fights and making up. Negotiating awkward, tricky stuff. And sex. I want lots of sex …"

He had succeeded in making Chris laugh again. And he took the jacket, which was awesome.

But then Chris said: "Let's just … just talk about something else for a while. Ease up on the accelerator Top Gun."

"Ok," Darren said.

Chris started tidying the take out cartons and plates away. Then he led Darren out to the deck again.

It was beautiful at night. A light breeze stirred the trees softly and a few bright stars were visible.

While Darren's neck was craned upwards Chris spoke quietly, "You want me to accept your weirdness too? You are definitely weird Darren Criss. But I don't see any flaws,

not even any weaknesses. So, tell me something that will surprise me. Something I'll never read about you on the internet."

He was leaning against the rail, studying Darren who frowned as he racked his brain for something that would help him bridge the gap between he and Chris.

Instead of moving towards Chris, Darren sat on the chair he'd occupied in daylight on another occasion.

"When I went to Italy," he began. "It was totally cool. The first couple of weeks was awesome - the food, the architecture, everything. But after that, this weird thing

happened where I got headaches and kept cancelling out of the classes and activities. I was irritable and I didn't know why. I loved everything about being there but I

started to hate it too. I'd been studying the language before I went but it was still a struggle a lot of the time. I'm used to being someone who is good at talking and just,

you know, communicating. I felt anxious about going out and I started to think about quitting and heading back home but I felt embarrassed. I didn't know what I would

say to people. I wasn't supposed to get homesick. But then one of the other exchange students brought me notes from a talk I'd skipped. It was about culture shock. I

thought that only happened in like, third world countries, or something. I mean, I was in a city that had a fucking McDonald's and everything. But I talked to that student,

(slept with her too actually), and I started going to my classes properly and just, kind of, persisted. And I'm so glad I did because it was the best decision I ever made. The

language got easier and easier and I fell in love with Italy again even deeper. I've always planned to go back and live there one day. But that time, where I felt out of

place, it was so confronting. My self-image took a battering. And even though the feelings passed, I've never told anyone else about it."

Chris held his place by the rail and smiled softly as he said, "Thank you."

They breathed in the night air together and listened to the distant hum of traffic.

"Tit for tat," Darren said as he stood up and stretched moving over to the rail beside Chris. "Tell me something surprising about you."

Chris reached out, finding Darren's hand in the dark.

"Where to begin, I wonder," he said producing a very Kurt-like facial expression. Darren chuckled and waited.

"Would you believe I've had straight sex?" Chris asked brushing his thumb over Darren's wrist and leaning against him just a little.

Darren produced a mock gasp and then shrugged, "You're a bit OCD so I guess you wanted to make sure. Am I right?"

"Yeah," Chris sighed.

Darren squeezed Chris' hand. "How was it?"

"Good," came Chris' prompt reply. "And bad."

Darren squeezed again.

"Tell me … something you've thought about doing with me."

Chris looked at him then, for a long minute.

"Come inside," he said.


	17. Chapter 17

**Last Chapter Recap:**

**"Tell me … something you've thought about doing with me."  
>Chris looked at him then, for a long minute.<br>"Come inside," he said.**

**Ch17**

They both moved towards the door and then each stood back to allow the other through first.

Darren laughed.

"You know, I remember last time we were outside then we came back in. Good Times," Darren said.

"Hey this is a first date remember," Chris answered. "I'm not some floozy."

Darren roared with laughter.

When they stepped into the lounge room Chris hesitated and Darren hoped Chris was going to keep moving and take him into his bedroom.

But instead he lowered the lights and brought Darren back to the couch.

Darren plopped down where he'd been sitting before but Chris wanted him to shift around so he was leaning against the arm of the chair.

Then he changed his mind and had Darren lean against the back rest, then he wanted him to shift again placing a cushion behind him and arranging his limbs like he was

working with a mannequin.

Finally Chris knelt up on the couch and told Darren,

"Let's make out like teenagers," before lowering his body to press against his co-star's.

"Comfortable?" Darren queried, laughing as Chris adjusted his own position.

"Well, I am now," Chris said.

Then the laughter stopped and the kissing began.

Darren's hands moved along Chris' back, gently pressing while his lips moved slowly against Chris'.

He was thinking about moving to kiss Chris' neck when the kiss became more insistent from Chris' side and soon their tongues were meeting, tangling and -

HOLY SHIT Chris' hand was suddenly on his belt!

Pulling his lips away, briefly, Darren murmured "floozy" and kissed him again, hard.

Chris had worked the belt out a minute later and was starting on the button. Darren stroked Chris' back and allowed him to go for it.

But when Chris got distracted and his kisses drifted down to Darren's jaw and then his neck, Darren commented,

"Have we already done the thing you'd been thinking about or is it still coming?"

Chris stilled briefly.

"It's a bit silly …" he said into Darren's shoulder.

"But this is me you're talking to!" Darren insisted.

Chris took his time placing a few more kisses along the tempting column of Darren's neck before finally conceding: "Ok. I'll tell you."

But after a further minute Darren spoke up:

"Why I am sitting here in suspense?"

"Sorry I was just imagining again. And enjoying this spot here …".

Darren was really enjoying that spot too. "God Chris! I'm so hard right now."

Chris groaned and renewed his efforts to open Darren's pants, getting the zip half undone when Darren stopped him.

"The curiosity is killing me. You've got to tell me what your fantasy was."

"Darren!" Chris wailed. "You just said you're hard and now you're stopping me!"

"Sorry … I … I have to know what you want me to do."

Chris sat back shaking his head.

"Nothing ok. You don't have to do anything. I just want to see what your dick looks like."

"You want to see my dick?"

"Is that weird?"

"No, but you don't want to … do anything … with it … for instance."

"Maybe. Not yet."

There was a pause before Chris finally said:

"Ok, look, after we filmed the bathtub scene and I felt you - there - I started ... wondering how it would actually look. I might have spent a little too much time thinking

about it. So when you asked me something I'd been thinking about that was the first thing that popped into my mind. I just thought it would be rude (not to mention

awkward, embarrassing, weird) to jump straight into THAT without a little of … this. Satisfied?"

"Not yet. But I hope to be soon!"

"Ha ha. Well all you asked for was me to tell you something I'd been thinking about. You never asked me to show you. I should take my hands off you now."

"Oh, no you don't!"

"Well then, may I please get a look at what's inside your pants and was allegedly hard before we had this ridiculous conversation."

"Ok you can look at it."

"Oh. Thank you. Now?"

"Yes but you'll have to get off me first."

It was true. The making out had led to them getting quite tangled up and although Chris had made progress on getting Darren's jeans undone now that he knew what

was going on Darren was more than happy to make it easy for Chris.

Eyes hot on Chris' Darren leaned back into the couch and finished undoing his jeans before finding the gap in his boxers and deftly bringing his cock through it for Chris'

inspection.

Before he looked Chris leaned in and kissed Darren again but then he moved and rested his head on Darren's chest looking down at his crotch.

Darren waited. And waited.

"Err Chris. I'm getting a bit paranoid here. You haven't said anything."

Chris breathed out heavily.

"I'm too turned on to speak."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Thank god. You're welcome to go ahead and … touch it, if you want."

"Thank you," Chris answered again. "I think I will."

When the first light touch of Chris' fingers landed on his skin Darren groaned.

The touch continued lazily without adding any more pressure and Chris' slow exploration began slowly driving Darren mad.

"Can you shift up?" Chris murmured and Darren did, moaning as he felt Chris' soft hand surround his balls.

Chris kissed him gently and moved his hand again to trace over Darren's slit where a drop of pre-cum had captured his attention.

"Fuck," Darren said wanting to beg Chris for more friction but grateful that any of this was happening at all.

Chris continued the painstaking exploration with only his fingertips and the lightest of touches and Darren tried to distract himself by thinking about this as an icebreaker

of sorts, helping Chris get comfortable with the intimacy Darren craved.

As often happened, a song popped into Darren's head and before he realised it he'd sung the line out loud:

_"Getting to know you, getting to know all about you."_

Chris looked up and met Darren's eyes for the first time since Darren's cock had been revealed.

His lips were twitching and he was obviously trying to resist but eventually gave in and sang back:

_"Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me."_

Darren grinned and put his arms around Chris' neck. There was a long pause until neither could hold out any longer and they jointly finished the song as loudly as possible

before laughing giddily at their joint dorkiness:

_"Haven't you noticed_  
><em>Suddenly I'm bright and breezy?<em>  
><em>Because of all<em>  
><em>The beautiful and new<em>  
><em>Things. I'm. Learning about you<em>  
><em>Day .. by ... day."<em>

Then at last Chris' whole hand grasped Darren's length and he moved in some ninja-like way that gave way more pleasure than Darren had been expecting so soon.

With his last sensible thought Darren brought Chris' face closer and sealed their lips together.

He'd wanted this, wanted this so long and now it was real.

Chris was touching him, taking pleasure in Darren's pleasure and wasn't that one way to know it was love?

Weren't they made for this moment of discovering each other, intimately vulnerable, scared and yet safe?

Was there ever a better feeling than having sex with someone you love?

"I love y - Oh god! Whatever that thing is you're doing you should definitely, fuck, damn, more, yes, fucking patent it!"

Chris gave a soft chuckle though he too sounded a little breathless. Darren loved the sound.

"Let's get naked. Let me touch you. Let's do fucking everything!"

"Still talking Darren? I must be losing my touch."

"If you kiss me …. mmmm … see I shut up then when you ….. nnnnggghh."

"I don't think we have time to get naked darli - Darren. If I'm any judge you are about to …"

"Ohhhhh FUCK! Chris, Chris, oh god, Chris I - fuck, I am soooooooooooo in love with you! Aaaaaahhhh. Oh too much now. Ok ok. Damn. Kiss me. Kiss me again."

For a while they lay together, Darren clinging and Chris allowing him to.

Then Chris rose with another kiss to the drowsy Darren and came back with a warm wash cloth.

He dropped it on the floor after a minute and settled back into Darren's arms.

"I fucking love this couch," Darren murmured.

And Chris laughed again.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you to people who have read and reviewed. I do appreciate your kind words. (or even constructive criticism). Oh and the little verse is from The King and I, of course.<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

**Ch 18**

"Sorry, I'm still exhausted from all the interviews today," Darren said. "I'm totally planning to get you off too".  
>"Yeah I was wondering about that," Chris murmured while relaxing against him. "You don't have to though. I kind of owed you one -"<br>"On no. That was an experiment. This is a date."  
>Chris chuckled. "First date. God I'm such a slut."<br>"Well being friends first helped, I would never have let you touch me if we'd just met."  
>"Sure you would."<br>"Yeah I would. You're hot."  
>For some reason this made Chris laugh, a lot. So much that Darren had to kiss him to get him to stop. He held Chris' face tenderly and Chris' laughter was soon gone. Their lips brushed and clung, tongues just meeting teasingly, Chris already moving against Darren, his need greatest.<br>Darren ran his hands over Chris' chest and shoulders although he was still clothed. He knew by now that Chris' ears were a sensual zone and so he breathed on and licked the one closest to him before sucking the lobe into his mouth and by the noises Chris was making he was having the desired effect. After a minute Chris went to move and straddle Darren but Darren moved at the same time and suddenly they landed on the floor tangled together.  
>"Oops. My bad, ouch!" Darren muttered. "Do you want to get back on the couch or head to the bedroom?"<br>"Mmmm can't decide," Chris answered latching himself onto Darren's lips hungrily.  
>Soon there was a near wrestling match to see who would climb on top of the other and Chris groaned when Darren's phone rang.<br>"Don't worry Babe, I'm not gonna answer it," Darren told him.  
>Through the sound of their mutual panting they heard a voice message alert come through a few seconds later and Darren started rubbing his hand over Chris' erection which was barely concealed by his loose sweat pants.<p>

Mentally Darren was trying to choose between all the ways he wanted to make love to Chris when his phone rang again. And so did Chris'.

They both paused until the ringing stopped then kissed again. But as soon as the phones stopped they rang again.  
>And they kept ringing. And when they weren't ringing they were beeping with text and voice messages.<br>"What the fuck?"  
>"I hope no-one's been in an accident." Chris said as he sat up finally.<p>

Darren watched as Chris read several text messages and frowned before crossing the room and powering up his laptop. Darren hovered behind him rubbing a hand on his back in circles, almost absently, guessing he didn't need to check his own messages as the calls were no coincidence.  
>His email open, Chris selected one from a publicist on Glee and clicked the single line of text which was a forwarded link.<p>

When the new site opened it turned out to be a video clip.

Images from their recent episode were playing but there was a voice over by a well-known gossip guru who was asking whether life was imitating art for Glee actors Chris Colfer and Darren Criss. Darren frowned.  
>Images from the episode vanished and in their place was a still that sent chills down Darren's spine. Someone had been watching them at the market the other day. And neither of them even knew it. Before his eyes, exposed for anyone to see, Darren's feelings were written clearly on his face. He was looking at Chris adoringly as they stood together browsing the toy stall. He remembered that moment, when the thought had run through his mind: This is the man I love. Seeing himself like that was shocking at first. It wasn't what he wanted. But he wasn't ashamed of his feelings either.<br>He could feel the tension Chris was carrying in his shoulders and wondered aloud how big an impact this was going to have at work.

"Some," Chris answered briefly. "To the media I don't think it matters if you're gay or straight as long as you stay in one category. Ryan will be pissed off if this gets wide-spread attention because it detracts from the message of the show and the impact of our big episode. We'll probably get followed around for a while too."

"Well that will make dating trickier," Darren commented laughingly. He leant down to kiss Chris' neck but Chris stood up abruptly and faced him with arms crossed and face grim.

"We can't. We can't date. Not now. We'd never be able to hide it and someone on the lot would leak."

"Woah," was Darren's reaction. "What? Sorry, I'm confused. You think I want to stop because of this?" He was looking at Chris completely puzzled. "I know the timing's not great but sooner or later we'll be telling people anyway. I mean, I'm not going to call a press conference but there's no way I'd let my personal life be dictated by those vultures." He stepped close to Chris and nuzzled his neck. "Don't worry. We can go to work early and stay late. Break the trailer sex ban if we have to. Now, about getting you off ..."

But Chris removed Darren's hands and stepped back.

"I can't do it Darren. I will not be responsible for ruining your career. We can't be anything to each other except friends."

Darren took in Chris' determined expression but he was still having trouble computing what was going on.

"Chris, we're already more than friends. Tonight we just … we're TOGETHER now."

"We are NOT together," Chris hissed. "You, you wormed your way in, you overrode my …" He took a deep breath. "Look. I'm sorry. I know you wanted … you thought … I mean, yes I was going to … well some stuff happened but ... Whatever this was, it is over. I'm … sorry."

Darren looked over at the couch, and the floor then back at Chris whose lips were still reddened from kissing.

"But why would you think we need to stop?" he asked moving forward again. "There's no reason to stop at all."

Chris stood his ground pushing Darren's hands away.

"You can't afford this to happen to your career at this point. Everything you've worked so hard for … I know there are a few examples now of gay actors starting to get decent roles but the vast majority … after Glee ends you'd be out in the cold ... Especially because they think you lied … I can't see you go through that. I know you thought that you loved me but that was pretty stupid. I mean, it was probably just a crush and now you have to get over it. Forget it and move on."

Now Darren was starting to feel fear.

"Damn it Chris. If I want to come out to the world it is my decision to make. And my career … I'd rather play music in restaurants for the rest of my life than lie about who I am and what I feel. Fuck this! You know I'm not just having a fucking crush. You said you trusted what I felt was real! You're trying to protect my career. But you know what they say – money can't buy happiness. Career is all very well but not if you have no one to share your success with. I do have other options you know. My music. And Starkid. I mean, yes I want to be an actor but I don't believe this one photo or even me coming out would end that forever. Half our fans never believed I was straight anyway. I don't want to hide what I feel for you."

Darren breathed heavily after his speech. He knew he was right. Living in the closet was just not an option.

Chris looked at him sadly though and Darren felt a pain starting in his gut.

"You always talk so big, you're filled with idealism and romance but you need a reality check. You think love conquers all. But I don't even know what love is! Relationships are a gamble at the best of times. This only just started and we have no way of knowing … it might not even have lasted a month? It's not worth putting yourself through that. It's not worth throwing everything away for me." Chris' expression showed he was astounded anybody would even consider doing such a thing.

"First of all," Darren said. "That's bullshit. You are worth it. And I'm telling you again it is my decision to make. All you have to decide is if you want to be with me and I think you do! You accepted a date with me. You just told me before that you want me, you've been thinking about what my dick looks like. Fuck when we were outside you told me you didn't see any flaws in me. And it is not just physical either. I know you fucking care! You were opening up to me. I know you care about me because you are trying to protect me from the difficulties of coming out and protect my career. Don't back out on me now, not over this. Being apart when some media storm is happening isn't going to help. We can get through it if we stick together and support each other. Don't lose sight of what we have."

Darren plea resounded in the room and Chris' response was quiet.

"What we have is nothing. We don't have a relationship and we never will. Not now.

The words stung but Darren wasn't done.

"You can try to break up with me but I can still tell them the truth: what they see in the photo is real - I am in love with you!"

"You want to try to explain to the public that you weren't lying about your sexuality, you just changed your mind? That will do wonders for community attitudes. The publicists will help you prepare something to emphasise that we are just friends."

"Friends? I won't spout their bullshit. That would do more damage than good. You might encourage it now but later come to resent it. And how would that help gay rights or my reputation when we eventually do go public with our relationship?"

"Darren! "You are just not hearing me! We don't have a relationship! You said I have to decide if I want to be with you and I am telling you the answer is no. I'm sorry. I never wanted to be in this position. I want you to leave me alone and do exactly what Ryan and the publicists tell you."

Darren stared at Chris desperately but Chris turned away.

"FUCK!" Darren shouted before grabbing his phone and keys and slamming out the door.


	19. Chapter 19

Darren's meeting with Ryan and the publicists the next day was a disaster.

Darren started out calmly explaining that he had never spoken about his personal life and didn't want to start now.

"Telling a journalist you won't comment on your personal life when they show you this photo is basically confirming what they're digging for," one of the PR guys said aggressively.

"I will not comment," Darren repeated.

In his heart he knew that he could not make a statement or answer interview questions saying he only cared about Chris as a friend.

Ryan spoke up:  
>"You won't have to say anything. Chris told me Lea and Dianna were out with you that day. We'll get them out there saying what good friends you all are. 'Darren's warm-hearted, he cares about everyone' …"<p>

The team of other staff and publicists started brainstorming.

"We'll swap this week's Behind the Scenes - he can do some macho stuff with Mark and Corey!"  
>"I've got the ball rolling on a planted fan video of a secret girlfriend. I've got half a dozen models on standby. Do you want blonde or redhead?"<p>

Darren had seen publicity machines before but he was aghast and protested vigourously.

"NO! I don't want my friends paraded out in the media vouching for my sexuality. And I won't make a fake video that looks like I have a girlfriend!"

The room was stunned into silence so Darren continued.

"Look, the more resources get put into responding to this the more importance we grant it. This will die down. A bigger scandal will come along."

"There are more interviews scheduled about the episode just screened. You're going to get asked about the photo," Ryan pointed out giving Darren a level stare.

"I won't lie."

Ryan's attention swung buck to his minions.

"Let me know if it gets worse. Everybody out. Except Darren."

The evacuation was achieved remarkably swiftly.

Darren held his breath until Ryan started speaking in a voice that was deceptively mild.

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you will keep your heterosexual dick far away from Chris Colfer. Do I? For the foreseeable future you're not even friends. You will not touch him. You will not approach him. If Chris sneezes I want someone else to say fucking Bless You. You got it?"

Clearly Ryan expected Darren to concur. He didn't expect Darren to say:

"The horse has fucking bolted Ryan! If that photo makes it look like I'm in love with him it's because I am. And you can't stop me touching him. Only he can do that. If he wants to."

"Gee Darren, it's so nice to know we have another member on the team," Ryan shouted. "Nearly makes me forget about all the money I'm fucking losing. We're already dropping back in the ratings because we're the gayest show on television and now my star is converting straight guys? The advertisers are gonna love that aren't they? Not to mention how this episode was supposed to help gay kids and now instead the guy who talks about courage has to be outed from his fucking closet! You do know you aren't the only one who will have problems if you tell the media what you just told me? Chris will be crucified as well. You want him to suffer? What about the people working on this show? Not just the actors but everybody behind the scenes. Instead of being cutting edge you want to turn us into a laughing stock and get our next season cancelled? Put them all out of work? I suggest you think very carefully about what you say in those interviews. I know your friends in the Warblers like getting a paycheck. Don't expect to be featured on any songs anytime soon. Now get lost before I write you into a fucking car accident."

* * *

><p>The first interview of the day started with the photo.<p>

"No comment," Darren said.

The reporter probed a second time but Darren kept his mouth closed until the guy moved on to discuss the actual episode.

The second interview went down almost exactly the same.

Darren could only be grateful that, as usual, he and Chris were assigned separately to try to fill as many requests as possible.

Darren didn't mind speaking about Glee or Blaine and Kurt's relationship or the socio-political package they were part of but now all their common (unimaginative) questions had another meaning. Was it awkward filming the love scene? Was Chris a good kisser?

In the third interview Darren slipped up and revealed that no, Zach Woodlee didn't choreograph how they moved and kissed while they sang the controversial song in the tub.  
>"You mean all that making out was improvised?" the reporter gasped, her eyes lighting up. "So you just followed your natural instincts, hmmm?"<p>

And on it went.

Near the end of the day Darren's voice was getting scratchy but he gamely sat in front of another camera crew and smiled brightly ready to give his response to the statements made by various church groups since the episode aired.

Darren had lost track of which program or channel he was speaking to as 'Jennifer' flipped her hair and smiled flirtatiously at him.

"You and Chris must love filming scenes like this one, considering how close you are," she giggled.

"Ah sure," Darren replied. "Chris is great to work with - he always finds the humour in any situation."

That sounded okay he though,t wondering what she would come out with next.

"Would you like to take this opportunity to dispel the rumours about you too being an item?" She hadn't even mentioned the photo.

"My private life has always been and will remain private. I don't discuss it with reporters and never will."

Julia looked surprised and for the first time he noticed the ambition in her eyes and the tight grip she had of her pen and clipboard.

She wanted a scoop and she thought she had one.

"Well in the past you stated that you are comfortable with your sexuality. Do you still identify as straight?"

Fuck and damnation!

He was wearing his poker face when he met the reporter's questioning gaze once again.

"Julia? While I can't remember who exactly you're working for today I'm sure it is an organisation that usually has more respect for the people it likes to use to sell advertisements."

But Jennnifer wasn't backing down.

"Well, you have a way with words as always, Darren Criss, but isn't your character on Glee all about accepting and being open about your identity? Everybody knows how you feel since that photo was published. Are you ashamed of your feelings for your co-star Chris Colfer?"

A self-penned Starkid song started playing in Darren's head: _Somebody's going down, and it aint gonna be us__._

Darren's pulse was racing as he gave his careful answer to the bitch opposite.

"The photograph to which you are referring is unauthorised - meaning it was taken by a paparazzo who are commonly regarded as the lowest of the low. And you've opted join them. Great move Genevieve. Well done."

"Did Chris Colfer reject your advances?"

No! His heart screamed.

This time he gave no answer at all.

After 10 painfully silent seconds she cleared her throat.

"There are another seven minutes left of our allotted interview time Darren."

But Darren didn't blink. He just kept staring at the reporter.

"Are you just going to sit there in silence?" Jennifer asked.

Darren said nothing. He stared blandly at her as if studying a boring landscape picture in a cheap hotel.

"Would you care to speak about some of your important charity work for The Trevor Project, Mr Criss?" Jennifer offered, hoping to gain another opening.

Darren's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth.  
>Seven minutes?<br>He could speak about Trevor for seven minutes …  
>In Italian.<p>

Which he did.

Seven minutes later Jennifer left the room fuming.

When the next reporter entered Darren got in first:

"I will not discuss the content of a photo taken without my authorisation by paparazzi," he said.

"Oh no worries, dunno which photo you mean. I just wondered how you feel about being the straight spokesman for gay youth? How do your parents react to all the publicity surrounding this storyline? They're Catholic aren't they?"

Hell! His parents! He hadn't even spoken to them.

* * *

><p>When he left the studio later a pack shoved microphones in his face and screamed questions at him. Darren didn't bother with a No Comment. He just silently turned around and went back inside to arrange a body guard.<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

Darren was feeling … a little depressed. He'd come down from the high of standing up to the media and Ryan but now he missed Chris. He'd texted once or twice and when he got no response he rang but clearly Chris thought it best to ignore him as the call went to voicemail.

Darren was really worried that Chris might be serious about not wanting a relationship with him but he wasn't entirely convinced. There were fragments of hope but the more paparazzi followed him the more stressed he felt and the more he missed Chris.

Thankfully work kept him busy and meant he got to see Chris, even if he was keeping his distance. He was glad he'd completed all the interviews that went along with their first-time episode. Entertainment Tonight had reported the photo and surrounding speculation, concluding the article with shots of Darren staring daggers at Jennifer and the ET host saying "throughout the questioning of both his sexuality and his feelings for Chris Colfer, Darren Criss maintained his silence". The phrase was then picked up by others and used whenever Darren walked past a bunch of question-shouting paparrazi without answering them and a clip would appear somewhere of the incident with the same comment: Darren Criss is maintaining his silence; Darren Criss is still maintaining his silence.  
>At least that was accurate, Darren thought. He just wished Angelina Jolie would hurry up and adopt another baby so he would get some privacy back.<br>The other Glee actors were supportive although he knew some of them wondered why he didn't just say he and Chris were only friends.  
>Despite his best intentions he was becoming disheartened. His feelings hadn't changed and he knew they wouldn't but he was a bit lost as to what to do next. He couldn't keep chasing Chris if Chris kept saying no. If he pushed too hard it was bordering on harassment. Hard as it was, Darren had to wait and let Chris come to him. In that he had an advantage … the Glee script.<p>

Darren was very much looking forward to the scene they were scheduled to film the next day. He had an excuse to kiss Chris again but suddenly he remembered something Chris had said. "Fuck!" he shouted and ran to Chris' trailer hoping to catch him before he left the lot.  
>Chris looked wary as he answered the door of his trailer.<br>"Darren, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be here …" he started.  
>"I'll be quick," Darren replied.<br>"Look I know you said you didn't want to be with me. You're not under any obligation but I need to ask you a favour, as my friend."  
>Chris raised his eyebrow and stepped back.<br>Inside Chris' trailer he was invited to sit and did so wishing he had something to do with his hands as he broached this topic. But Chris spoke first.  
>"What favour do you need Darren?"<br>"Don't sleep with anyone else before the scene tomorrow."  
>Chris looked stunned and confused. "Sleep with?"<br>"It's my fault. I tend to be jealous. We have a kissing scene tomorrow and I can't stop thinking about what you said."  
>"What are you talking about?" Chris asked, genuinely gobsmacked.<br>"You told me, back when we had to do the scene in the costume room, when you were pissed off about me getting turned on. You said I should make sure to get laid before a making out scene 'like you do'. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. At first I thought you'd been seeing someone no-one in the cast knew about. Then you said you didn't have a boyfriend. But knowing that scene is coming up ... it occurred to me ... you might ... go looking for casual sex tonight." Darren knew he'd gotten through the most difficult part so he went right on. "I know you said you don't want to be with me but … please! Don't do it with anyone else. I'm in hell imagining another guy touching you, kissing you. I'm in love with you and I'm still hoping we can be together. I mean, I realise you may never change your mind. Maybe I'll have to accept seeing you with someone else eventually. Just, not yet. I'm not ready to let go. It would really really hurt me if you did it now. I think I'd be able to tell when you turn up for work tomorrow. Promise me you won't, please Chris."  
>This rambling speech was followed by an awkward silence during which Chris stared intently at Darren and drummed his fingers on the table. Then he swore.<br>"You're really that upset by the thought of me ... with another guy?"Chris queried disbelieving. Darren shrugged and opened his hands wide. "Yes I am."

"I shouldn't bloody tell you this," Chris said, his tone high and agitated. "But what I said that day was a bluff. I was angry and I didn't want you to know I jerked off before the scene and yes, before you ask, the one in the bathtub too. I thought it was obvious I would do that. Just to ensure I didn't embarass both of us. So …" Chris trailed off.

"I don't need to be jealous," Darren grinned broadly. "Thank you Chris. Thank you so much," Darren acknowledged still grinning and not just because Chris would be sleeping alone tonight. The precedent of Chris opening up and sharing personal information with him had continued despite Chris vowing he didn't want to be with Darren. This was a good sign.  
>"You know," Darren began, "since we'll both be doing the same thing tomorrow morning we could meet up and …"<br>"Shut up Darren," said Chris. "Quit while you're ahead."  
>Before Darren shut the door, Chris added: "This doesn't change anything."<p>

But maybe it did.

* * *

><p>Everyone was preparing for the scene since it involved most of the cast. Chris was ignoring him, chatting with the girls and pretending he didn't exist. Once hair and makeup were finished they headed to the lockers set and waited to be told about their positions.<br>The director started placing the couples, spacing them out along the bank of lockers. Finn and Rachel were first and the camera would pan along the line of pairs from left to right with Tina and Mike, Sam and Mercedes, and Puck and Quinn all appearing before Kurt and Blaine. Then Artie in his wheelchair with his new girlfriend on his lap and finally Will and Emma as well which should get a laugh when Emma realised there was bubble gum on the locker she had leant against. It would take her a while to realise though since she and Will, like all the couples, would be kissing. The whole point of the scene was to show Santana reacting to the public displays of affection as she stood beside Brittany and watched it all. Naya's reaction shot would come in right before Emma and the bubble gum. Darren liked the idea and thought the scene would work well and get a good reaction from fans. Since Finn had now worked through his issues and had sex with Rachel (provoked by his walking in on Kurt and Blaine in the bath) the remaining episodes of the season were progressing to focus on Santana dealing with her sexuality and coming out. As well as all the other myriad subplots with Sue's scheming and … Darren didn't even try to list them all to himself. He just worked script to script.

The director called him forward to lean against a locker and wait for the signal when Kurt (being taller) would lean in and kiss him.  
>Chris stepped up to stand opposite him and the director double checked the distance between them and MarkDianna to their right. Darren was hoping he and Chris would share a smile at least while they stood around waiting but Chris was avoiding looking at Darren again. Darren sighed and waited, trying not to shift around too much from his position. It took a bit of time until the director was satisfied with Artie's position and then Matt and Jayma stepped into place the two, professional as always taking hardly any time at all.  
>"Ok!" the director shouted stepping back. "Harry lean a little more to your left. Good. Cameras ready? ACTION!"<p>

Darren closed his eyes and felt Chris' lips over his a second later. Having no lines he'd not even tried to get into his Blaine head space. His hands grasped Chris' shirt and he couldn't help opening his mouth a little. To his surprise Chris' tongue was inside a second later and Darren's met it eagerly.

"CUT!"

Chris stepped back instantly and stood waiting looking at the floor. Darren didn't know what to think so he waited too.

"Ok some of you were too fast or slow," the director announced. "We're going for the domino effect so the timing is pretty crucial. Mark you were a little slow. In fact Chris beat you and he's supposed to move after. Kevin, you were slow too. Use your peripheral vision everyone. Ok. We'll try again. Marks. Ready. And … ACTION!"

Darren saw Corey lean in to Lea followed by Harry moving on Jenna and then he saw nothing because Chris was kissing him again. His tongue was back stroking between Darren's lips and Darren had to stifle a moan. He tried to bring their bodies closer together when -

"CUT!"

He was a little dazed and felt like smiling so much he had to think of sick puppies to calm down. Chris was totally kissing him for real. It was deep and passionate and Darren's blood was heating up rapidly. Again Chris kept his gaze on the floor while the director and cinematographer conferred. Then the director announced, "Good work. We'll need a few more though. Um, Chris still jumping the gun. That's all."

"Sorry!" Chris called in response.

Mark sipped some water and the makeup crew touched up a few people and then it was on again.

Darren was prepared for Chris to be more reserved but he just seemed to pick up right where they left off. Thrusting his tongue into Darren's mouth and making him see fireworks. Darren wanted to let him know as much as possible that his kiss was welcome, responding with his own tongue and moaning as quietly as possible but again (and Darren was really beginning to hate this sound) "CUT!"

This time the director stepped straight up to them and asked Chris if he was having trouble seeing Mark and Dianna beside him.  
>"No," Chris answered blandly. "Why?"<br>"Well you were fast again. Right after Harry. It's a complex set up but actually we've got everything else working. Everyone else has the timing right."  
>"Oh!" Chris said. He looked a little stunned. "Sorry. Right. I'll, um, fix that. Wait, hold back, go slow. Got it."<br>The director nodded and stepped away. Darren reached towards Chris but he evaded and stared, this time, at a beam of the ceiling. Others were shuffling around getting drinks, costume and hair adjustments. Kevin was standing up stretching his legs.  
>Darren felt weightless - a balloon breaching the atmosphere and about to pop. It was over. Chris wouldn't kiss him like that again. Not now. People were talking around him but he couldn't really hear. He could only feel his lips where Chris had kissed him.<p>

Slowly they were called back and set into their marks again. "ACTION!"

Darren waited. Standing so close to Chris, smelling him, feeling his body heat he knew more than ever that he wanted him. Finally Chris leaned in again allowing their lips to meet and Darren was right, Chris was holding back this time. Darren really didn't want to be unprofessional but he was tempted to tease Chris' lips open just to see how he reacted. As he weighed whether or not to go for it he suddenly felt Chris move closer and again his tongue was thrusting inside Darren's mouth as they both groaned against each other.

"CUT!"

Darren heard the word but he couldn't think because Chris was still there his lips and tongue playing magically against Darren's own. Chris' hands were on Darren's hips tugging him forward and they were both getting a little hard … "I said CUT!"

Chris broke away muttering "shit, shit, hell!" and then he stood still staring at a locker past Darren's shoulder while everything was reset for another take. Darren was numb. He had sensory and emotional overload. On the one hand he was delighted by the turn of events but he also felt for Chris who was obviously struggling. Suddenly Chris turned on his heel and approached the cinematographer taking him aside for what appeared to be an intense discussion. After a minute or two the guy stepped away and sought out the director for another intense looking discussion. The actors were advised to take a ten minute break but Chris stayed to participate in whatever was being said.  
>Darren drank some water and tried to look unapproachable so none of their cast-mates could ask him about what Chris was doing. The wondering was killing him so he did some star-jumps to burn off some of the tension. Then finally they were asked to step up again for another take only the director was having everyone shuffle down and Chris took Darren's hand, lead him to the start of the line, slammed him into a locker and started kissing him. Darren reacted instantly wrapping his arms around Chris' neck and opening his mouth wide for Chris' tongue. They kissed and kissed and the director called ACTION and they kept kissing. Time passed, he knew, but everything was concentrated in the small space around them. Chris' hands, Chris' body, Chris' mouth. The others must have done their jobs because vaguely he heard Jayma freaking out about the bubble gum and another CUT and finally Chris wrenched his mouth away and turned to the director asking if the take was good. As soon as he got a nod from both the director and cinematographer Chris hurried off set leaving Darren looking and feeling a little bit hot and a little bit wrecked.<p>

* * *

><p>Darren ignored the looks he received from his cast-mates and quietly gathered his things. He suspected Chris would not want to talk to him but he couldn't walk away without trying. As he left the main group of actors he heard Mark's voice: "Darren Criss is maintaining his silence." He tensed but kept walking noting the stifled laughter of the others. He delayed another 15 minutes before approaching Chris' trailer and knocking. After a short pause Chris answered, face clean of makeup and in his own clothes. He looked positively delicious.<br>"If you didn't like me I would leave you alone but I know that you do. Which means this is all about the media which makes it pointless and stupid," Darren said. "I want a second date," he continued. "I have a bottle of wine and a movie in my trailer -"  
>But Chris interrupted him.<br>"Darren I'm sorry. I won't be meeting you."  
>Darren swore under his breath.<br>"Ok. I'm not going to stalk you. I just want you to know nothing's changed for me," he said carefully. "I still want the same thing. I want you. In a relationship. And, look, I think if you choose not to be with me it should be for the right reasons. Like if you really didn't like me, not because of the media, or because you're afraid. Think about it okay."  
>And although it was difficult, Darren made himself walk away.<p>

* * *

><p>When Chris entered Darren's trailer later the first thing he said was: "I'm not here for a date."<br>Darren sighed. Chris was looking especially good tonight in a white shirt and tan slacks.  
>"Then why?" Darren asked.<br>"That's what I want to know!" Chris nearly shouted. "Why? Why did you tell Ryan that you're in love with me? You could have kept quiet. It would have been better for you if you had."

Oh, Darren thought. Chris had obviously just heard. Would this make a difference?

"I told my parents too," Darren said.  
>Chris gasped. "You're not serious?"<br>"Yes I am. Mum said if it was anyone else she'd have been surprised but not you."  
>They stared at each other.<br>Darren tried to figure out what Chris was feeling but he just looked lost and sad.  
>Darren spoke up:<br>"I dreamed about you last night. It wasn't hard to interpret. We were both on an island. The sea was endless. All the privacy and time in the world. There were all these lush tropical fruits and plenty of shade for you. We swam and ate and talked. You told stories and I played guitar. We were so happy. You were laughing. We made love under a waterfall. It was beautiful."

Chris shook his head.

"Go Darren. Just … go."

"Um, Chris. This is my trailer," Darren said.

* * *

><p>Chris reached out his hand towards Darren, a loving smile on his face as Darren took it.<br>"Cut!" yelled the director. "Move the chair closer please and we'll go again. Darren complied, inching his choir-room chair towards Chris'. Some further rearrangements of the other actors were required in compensation and the recording of Corey's voice was reset. All the background shots when someone had a solo were planned and managed with precision. Santana's reaction to Finn serenading Rachel had required 15 takes, and now it was Darren and Chris' turn to deliver a Klaine moment for the scene.  
>Silence was called as the shot became ready and then ACTION.<p>

Darren turned his head from where Corey was standing to look at Chris who gave him that loving smile that Darren both loved and hated (because it wasn't real, it came from Kurt to Blaine) and then reached his hand out in time to meet Chris'.

"CUT! Amber you were looking the wrong way. Marks again please!"

Darren didn't let go of Chris' hand. "How are you? Are the paparazzi driving you mad? I'm sorry you have to cope with all this because of me."

Chris tugged gently trying to remove his hand without drawing attention to their actions. Darren knew he had to let go so they could reach towards each other all over again.  
>The next time cut was called Chris spoke first though he didn't meet Darren's eye: "I'm ok. There are less each time."<br>"Marks! … and Action!" was called again.  
>Once they had performed their little moment a break was called to load more film.<p>

Chris seemed determined to ignore him and walked off a little so Darren kept himself busy with some emails and a very important tweet.  
>The cast were all getting their make up touched up or sipping water because the lights were so hot. Lea was fiddling with her phone, as usual when she suddenly squealed and ran towards Darren.<br>"I just saw your tweet!" she said. "You're doing a gig tomorrow night and you just told your followers now! They're having a riot over it!"  
>"Ah yeah," Darren said, "That's right."<br>He wondered if Chris had seen the tweet, or could hear the conversation Lea had started. He glanced around to try and see how far away Chris was.  
>"This is great Darr!" Lea simpered. "I could come and sing that song you told me about that would suit Rachel so well. What was it? The Smartest Girl? No, the Hottest Girl right?"<br>From the corner of his eye Darren saw Chris stiffen and turn towards them a little. He knew he had to make the most of this so he gave Lea his full attention as he spoke.  
>"I'm sorry Lea. I'd like to have you do that song another time but this show is all planned out. Charlene's coming from New York and I have another very important guest locked in. There's no place for you and besides I just don't have time to rehearse you on it. Thanks for the offer though."<br>As Lea walked away Darren sought Chris out again. Their eyes met briefly and Darren could have sworn that Chris blushed underneath his make up before he turned back to a conversation with Kevin.  
>Darren's heart hammered. Had Chris remembered his promise to attend Darren's guerrilla gig? Would he bother keeping his promise? Did he even care that Darren had rejected Lea? And again, the big question: Would Chris admit how he felt for Darren?<p>

Next time Darren reached out to take Chris' hand for the cameras he saw that it was shaking, just a little bit.

After CUT was called Chris spoke urgently to the floor: "If you keep up the same silence with the media this will blow over quickly. The right people will respect you."

Darren knew Chris was panicked by the media attention. And Chris thought he was protecting Darren's career. For a moment Darren thought: What if Chris was right? They hadn't had much chance for things to develop between them. He was risking a lot and his agent was going crazy. On the other hand the story wasn't that big. All he was doing in the photo was looking at Chris. Not fucking him or doing drugs off his body. Darren kept coming back to his instincts. He was incredibly drawn to Chris. He wanted a chance to explore all the possibilities between them. He could see how compatible they were and he knew that Chris had responded to him. Darren would never base decisions in his personal life on the media or solely on ambition. Chris just needed to overcome his fear. And Darren had to remember that what Chris was afraid of was the same thing he was … fear of losing in love. He couldn't give Chris anymore reassurance than he already had.

"I love you," he said.

Chris' eyes flicked up to meet Darren's briefly revealing uncertainty before he hastily looked away again.

"You'll thank me in ten years' time when you have a wife and kids."

Darren froze. He hadn't quite realised that Chris was still hung up on Darren's sexuality. It sounded like Chris thought Darren would just get over it one day and then find it was too late, that Darren would come to regret the path he was taking if he experimented publicly with being gay and later wanted back in the straight mainstream.  
>He also realised this was about Chris' insecurity. He thought it would be easier to lose Darren now than if he let Darren in emotionally and then Darren dumped him, especially to date women again.<p>

"Chris. I'm gay," Darren said. "I think in the future I'll be wanting a husband not a wife," Darren said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: Ok. Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. Hopefully the length makes up for it somewhat. To those kind reviewers who nagged and praised me I can assure you I will not abandon this story. I don't have writer's block or anything. Just a lack of time due to family duties. I have it all planned out to the end. I'm guessing another six chapters though not entirely sure where I'll put the breaks. BTW I have a completed Dublin kiss one shot I never published b/c Chris said he was taken by surprise whereas in my story they rehearsed it (more kisses is always better than less). If anyone's interested I could post that if I have a delay of more than a week in this story again. Also, to Elaine and Becca thanks for your reviews - I couldn't reply personally as you don't have fanfic accounts but I appreciate them. I know I have missed replying to some people but I got an influx of reviews since my last chapter which has been awesome. I thought maybe somebody rec'd this fic somewhere and I'm curious if so, who? where? of course maybe it is just that more people are realising that CrissColfer is ON and searching for fics like that. Also, Becca I feel obliged to rec some writers to you who are far superior and can provide you with some CrissColfer fics of a standard I consider Literature. Look up Mittenconfetti and Cimmerians on LJ. Also pushplaytobegin and there is one story by shia_labeouf called the Meisner Technique. Also, of course, Letters and Sodas - mentioned by Elaine written by nasonexyouswine and available here on ff. Yes I am hypocritical asking for more cake on that story while cock-blocking my own. I think that one does the Darren chasing Chris thing better than mine as well. And yippee it complete today. so, I just want to say, I am writing this for practice to improve and when I finish I'm going to try to write original stories, not fanfiction. However I have several fully outlined fanfics I had to get out of my head a few klaine and one other Crisscolfer which I hoped to write for the BigBang but just don't have time to do. So, anybody want those outlines as a gift to write yourself?


	21. Chapter 21

Darren paced nervously in the dressing room of the theatre.

Charlene and the guys from the band watched him with sympathy but could do nothing. Darren had shared lunch with Charlene after picking her up from the airport, then after rehearsal they'd gone out again for dinner. He'd spoken and laughed and cried with her, drunk deeply of her wisdom and was about as put together as he could be under the circumstances. But the crowd of eager fans packed into the small theatre were waiting impatiently, it was five minutes past show time and Chris wasn't there.  
>Darren turned quickly and met Charlene's eye resolutely. Then he glanced around at his trusted group of musicians and spoke:<br>"Ok guys, the show must go on. We go with the basic playlist. Let's do this."

"Alright! Show time!" they shouted trying to help him get into the proper mood for entertaining his fans. "Woo hoo! Let's go!"  
>Glen, the bass player, started doing deep knee bends while Jack banged his sticks together arms high above his head, the others performing similar rituals. Darren swung his arms to loosen his shoulders and dropped his chin down to his chest a few times while humming to maintain the warmed up mouth and throat he'd worked on over the last half hour.<p>

They were all lined up in front of the door that led to the passage where the wings of the stage were contained and Darren was at the back, of course.  
>"Go! Go! Go!" Darren shouted and Jack flung the door open.<br>Suddenly there was a series of 'fuck's and 'shit's and a somewhat more polite 'what the hell?' as Jack failed to run forward and the line contracted into an uncomfortable clump.  
>"I'm sorry."<br>Darren jumped up from where he'd landed on his ass.  
>Chris? He could have sworn that was Chris' voice! Yes, there he was just on the other side of the doorway looking nervous and tense but oh so beautiful.<br>"Chris!"  
>"Hi Darren," Chris answered quietly.<p>

There was an awkward moment until Darren remembered to say, "Come in!" then one of the guys said "we'll just go check equipment and give the fans a thrill" and the band guys were filing out, Glen turning at the last minute to say, "We're doing the other playlist now, right?"  
>"Yeah," Darren said grinning madly and grabbing Charlene to make sure she didn't leave just yet.<p>

When the door was closed, with Chris gorgeously inside, Darren couldn't take his eyes off him and stepped toward him with every intention of kissing him extremely thoroughly. But Chris obviously saw what was on his mind and he crossed his arms over his chest, frowning.

"Look Darren," he said. "I came because I promised I would but … I can't, I mean I … fuck … maybe I should go …"

"No!" Darren nearly shouted.

"It's ok. I'm just glad you're here. You don't have to … it's just so great that you're here at all. And I want you to meet Charlene. Extraordinary singer, composer, confidante Charlene Kaye … meet Christopher Paul Colfer … the man I … Chris."

Charlene graciously held out her hand which Chris shook, murmuring a slightly awkward 'nice to meet you'.

Chris cleared his throat and spoke resolutely to Darren. "I don't want you to think I'm here because ... I mean, I'm sorry about … work the other day. I know I sent you mixed signals, kissing you like that. But nothing's changed. I just don't want … everything that guy said to me to be true. I don't want to wreck your whole future. I think if I can just show some self-control then, in time, you'll …"

Charlene winced and muttered an "excuse me" as she stepped through the door.

Darren sighed.

"Self-control? What about self-acceptance, self-love?" he said. "I know who I am now, Chris. I'm not looking to escape myself. Didn't you learn that lesson already? If you truly own all of who you are then nobody can use You against you."  
>Chris blanched. "I just came because I promised," he said again quietly.<p>

Darren's eyes lingered on Chris' face noticing the apparent lack of sleep and tension around Chris' mouth.  
>"Unfortunately we can't chat now because I've got a show to perform," Darren said then. "I'll show you where you can sit," he added gently.<p>

They stepped through the door into the wings where they could hear the dull roar of conversation and anticipation from the audience as the band guys pretended to tune their instruments when in fact everything had been left in order after the sound check.

Charlene had waited and gave Darren a quick smile as she stepped out onto the stage causing an excited wave of squealing through the largely female audience.

Darren guided Chris further along the narrow, darkened space until they came to the chair he'd placed earlier. It was as far towards the front of the stage as was possible allowing Chris a full perspective on the stage while remaining hidden from the audience by the heavy folds of the curtain. Bottles of both water and beer were on the floor next to the chair along with three cans of diet coke.  
>Chris looked touched and embarrassed when he saw these and thanked Darren profusely.<p>

"I hope you enjoy the show," Darren said beginning to jog on the spot and feeling his adrenaline spike.  
>Chris looked up from his seated position, the overflow from a stage light shining onto just half of his beautiful, pale face.<br>"Good luck," he whispered, his eyes flicking down from Darren's own to his lips and back again.  
>"Thank you," Darren answered, stilling and looking intently at Chris. "But all my luck is right here," and reaching down Darren laid his palm on Chris' chest right over his heart. Their eyes locked until Chris flushed and glanced towards the stage. Darren removed his hand and stepped out into the glare of the stage lights, not looking back.<p>

Grabbing his first instrument Darren stepped up to within range of the microphone and, over the cheering of the fans, sang: "Remember that time?" Simultaneously the band launched their complementary sounds, Darren struck the guitar strings fully and the audience screamed as one, recognizing **_Stutter_**. And so Darren gave himself to them, all his voice, all his skill, his passion and his energy released into a hot, pounding melody that lifted everyone on the stage with him to follow suit.

When the song ended there was barely a second's pause before he launched into **_Jealousy_ **sending the fans into another frenzy.

He was giving one of best performances and it continued on through _**Another Love Affair**_, _**Sami**_, **_The Muse_**, **_No Way _**and **_I Still Think._**

Finally, with sweat shining on his tanned skin and breathing heavily Darren paused to greet the audience.  
>"Hi, I'm Darren," he said and proceeded to gulp nearly a whole litre of water while the audience screamed and cheered creating a noise like thunder echoing in the hall.<br>"My apologies to those in the front row for the drenching," he continued as he mopped his face and neck with a white towel. There was a lot of screaming things like "we don't mind" and "it's hot" until Darren apologised again for his "gross sweating" and went on to introduce the band members.  
>He left Charlene until last and spent a couple of minutes praising her and encouraging anyone in the audience who hadn't already checked out her music to do so.<br>"So … Charlene's just going to entertain you with a couple of songs while I go pee right now," Darren said. "Listen up 'cos I'll be back soon," and he hurried off stage.

Darren exited the opposite side to where Chris was sitting and went back to the dressing room to do exactly as he'd told the audience. His bladder lighter he returned to the wings and stood for a minute watching Chris watch Charlene. He'd relaxed now and was clearly enjoying her performance. Darren had avoided looking at him during the first half of his show, concentrating on giving the audience something to remember and thrashing the guitar. He stood just a couple of metres away until Chris sensed he was being watched and stood from his chair, smiling tentatively at Darren as he came forward.  
>"You … you're doing a great job out there," Chris said lightly. "You have the audience in the palm of your hand."<p>

Darren shrugged and looked down.

"I'm glad I came Darren," Chris said. "Everyone should see a Darren-show live before they die."

He was trying to keep it light and Darren nodded his thanks.

"Would you like to join in when we do some more songs from the Potter Musicals?"

Chris shrank back. "Oh no!" Then he spoke again, trying to amend his response in case it had caused offence. "I'm looking forward to hearing you do Coolest Girl live. I … I'm glad Lea didn't come. That song … it was my favourite when I first saw the show online. I always related to Hermione's unpopularity in the books and then the words of the song really resonated with me. Just … not the girl bit of course. I love how you don't change the words. I sang it a lot to myself, but I'm sorry I couldn't do it in public. It's a bit … too special to me."  
>Darren allowed a smile onto his face when Chris trailed off. "I never knew that," he said.<p>

Again they were gazing at each other trying not to start the sort of conversation they'd stumbled into earlier.

"I just have another minute," Darren said when he heard Charlene start _**Skin and Bones**_. "I'm doing the second verse of this one."  
>They were facing each other with both looking sideways to the stage. They turned back towards each other then and Darren's eyes went to Chris' lips again.<br>"So what happened to starting with Disney?" Chris asked, smiling.

Darren grinned back at him. "Christopher! Have you been online stalking me?"

Leaving him with that thought, Darren stepped back out on stage, moving quickly to a microphone and joining in with Charlene's song.

Soon the song finished and then Darren and the whole audience were bopping along to**_ Dress and Tie_** before Charlene and the band exited for a break while Darren set himself up at the keyboard all the while chatting to the audience. He was making them laugh, his confidence soaring having Chris there, despite the enormity of unresolved tension between them.

"So I wasn't going to do any Disney tonight," he had to pause due to protests and screams from the audience again. "Wait, wait, I was about to say BUT, but, however I've had a special request. Now I usually do this one on guitar but, there's that but again! What? What? Oh shush. No! I will not show my butt to you! Let's keep it a little clean please! Seriously! I'm about to do Disney you can't defile those beautiful, innocent songs with objectification or you shouldn't, I should say. Stop it! You're making me blush. Okay I'm gonna stop talking now. Here goes."

After **_Part of Your World_** Darren spoke to them again.

"This next song is for anyone who's ever felt less than cool - be they girl, boy, llama, whatever. Let's sing **_The Coolest Girl_** together hey?"

The audience sang along enthusiastically as he knew they would, especially looking out and seeing so many pairs of pink sunglasses on display. He glanced over to the wings frequently and was thrilled to see Chris singing along enthusiastically.

When the song ended he made his standard request that he sing his slow piano version of**_ Teenage Dream_** by himself and relaxed into the song, once again allowing himself to glance across at Chris to let him know that he was Darren's teenage dream.

He kept it up during **_Don't You_**,**_Not Alone_** and then **_Status Quo_** as well and saw Chris was looking more pensive as the performance went on.

Finally he did **_Granger Danger_ **and _**Days of Summer**_ with a couple of chorus' of _**Get Back to Hogwarts**_ as the band returned and joined in, the whole audience singing so loudly the walls reverberated almost shaking the building.

That succeeded in relaxing Chris again, Darren had observed as he mopped some more sweat off himself and took a drink of water before switching guitars again. Chris had been doing dorky Kurt dancing in the wings and Darren thought he looked incredibly fuckable.

"So the show's nearly over," Darren announced to a loud roar of "NO" from his fans. "A couple more for you first though," he assured.  
>The he started singing <strong><em>Human<em> **and everyone was happy singing along with him.

As it concluded Darren glanced more often at Chris who was sitting again watching the show and sneaking looks at the enthusiastic fans. Darren was starting to get a little nervous. it wasn't doubt he felt, just … vulnerability. A couple of hours earlier he'd entered the building past another pack of paparrazzi.  
>"Darren! Darren!" they had shouted. "Are you still maintaining your silence?"<p>

He shook off the memory as _**Human** _ended and Darren watched the band rearranging themselves, Charlene taking the keyboard and Jack bringing a small pair of drums forward with a stool to sit closer to the middle of the stage. Glen helped rearrange the microphones and Darren searched the audience for a couple of obviously recording iphones he would have to remember the locations of.

"That song was written when I was 15," Darren said, letting the shouts of "we know!" wash over him.  
>"I'd like to play you something now that is a little more recent. Something brand new."<br>The audience cheered loudly of course but then quieted sensing the significance of the moment. Jack began on the drums then, patting out a soft, hollow rhythm and as he continued speaking Charlene and the others slowly joined in.  
>"Recently," Darren said, "I've had a renaissance creatively and personally. I've found a muse. I've got about 15 new songs ready to go for an album - and they're just the good ones. I hope to share more of those with you all really soon but I'm just going to play one of them tonight. It's … not a traditional love song. But there's nothing traditional about Chris Colfer. This is for him."<p>

A collective gasp went up from the audience and Darren braced himself. He grasped the microphone, felt the beat from the drumming then looked right at Chris as his voice rang out the first line:

_You show astounding grace ..._

Feeling better now he had started, Darren shifted his gaze to the audience and went on:

_… among these dislocated souls ... You're not of this world … where everything is bought and sold ... I have tried … but thankfully I'm flesh and soul ... You're just standing quiet - another lost forgotten art … Either way you miss ... For you are neither slave nor free … If you can stay with me and tell me 'bout the things that you most want to be … the quiet art of standing still._

Darren looked to Charlene who smiled encouragingly as Darren launched into the next verse:

_Hold on tight. We can withstand the coldest hearts._

Darren couldn't resist any longer and turned to check Chris' reaction.

_Just a world weary smile. You feel there's nothing left to give. I want to help you carry this._

Chris was standing. His body looked poised for flight but his eyes were locked onto Darren's and … were those tears? Darren turned back to the crowd and looked right at one of the closest iphones:

_If silence is consent, then I have nothing left to say._

_If you can stay with me … and talk about the things that you most want to be well ... it's not the past you get. It's the quiet art of standing still._

Darren breathed deeply through a few instrumental bars feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. Chris' face was very wet now but he was letting the tears fall.

_This must be a test. I pray … you can find the strength ... Like moments you regret … Nothing can be done they're gone ... Sleep come take me quick … to the quiet art of standing still._

Darren mind strayed to his parents and his brother: the unconditional love they gave him. Then like a compass to true North his thoughts went back to Chris.

_Try to touch the place … where everything was broken … by all that you resist. You cannot make a deal with god._

Again Darren sought out someone in the audience who was recording on an iphone, sharing his focus to a different section of the crowd.

_I want to help you carry this … If silence is consent ... There's nothing left i have to say. If you can stay with me … and tell me of the things that you most want …. well it hasn't passed you yet. It's the quiet art of standing still._

The music continued, growing slowly softer as Darren stepped back from the microphone, removed his guitar and turned to walk off stage.

His stomach dropped as he did so. The space Chris had been occupying was empty.

* * *

><p>Numbly Darren walked through the wings and down the passageway hearing the wild cheering of his fans only distantly.<p>

All he could think about was that Chris had left. He'd gone.

He pushed open the door of the dressing room … and gasped … as Chris threw his arms around him.

* * *

><p>AN: <strong><em>Quiet Art<em>** by Wendy Matthews from the album _**Lily**_

I've noticed that I get more reviews if I specifically ASK for them. So I'm asking:

"If you're good and do what you're told (REVIEW), you'll sleep in a proper bedroom... have lots to eat, money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. But if you are naughty and idle...you'll sleep in the kitchen amongst the black beetles...and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick. If you refuse this offer...you will be the most ungrateful, wicked girl...and the angels will weep for you!"

Please REVIEW ... and identify the quote!


	22. Chapter 22

**Last chapter recap**:

Numbly Darren walked through the wings and down the passageway hearing the wild cheering of his fans only distantly. All he could think about was that Chris had left. He'd gone.  
>He pushed open the door of the dressing room … and gasped … as Chris threw his arms around him.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ch 22<strong>

When Charlene's voice finally pierced the passionate haze surrounding Darren and Chris they reluctantly untangled their tongues and turned  
>their faces to look at her questioningly though Chris kept his legs wrapped around Darren whose hands were still inside Chris' shirt on his back where they'd been pressing him forward tightly.<br>"I said, your fans have been shouting for an encore for 10 minutes, Darren! What do you want to do?"  
>"Fuck!" Darren reacted, finally realising where he was again and wincing as he released Chris slowly. "I better go out there." He looked at Chris then, nervously, but Chris smiled, wiping some saliva from Darren's neck and saying: "I'm not going anywhere."<br>Darren groaned and nearly fell back into Chris' arms but steeled himself and strode off in the other direction.

He hurried back onstage grabbing a guitar and microphone before hushing the audience with a hand gesture and apologising.  
>"I really didn't mean to be gone so long, sorry. I was just checking Tumblr to see if anyone uploaded the video yet!"<p>

The audience laughed appreciatively and as soon as Charlene and the others indicated they were ready Darren launched into _**Animal**_. Chris was back in the wings smiling at him confidently and somewhat flirtatiously as well so when Darren got to the chorus he let his eyes challenge Chris as he sang:_ "What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for?"_  
>Darren clearly saw Chris' mouth pronounce "Fuck it!" before he walked out onto the stage creating the most deafening roar from an audience that Darren had ever heard, including the Glee Live tour.<p>

Sharing the microphone stand with Darren, Chris sang along to: _"Hush hush the world is quiet; Hush hush we both can't fight it_," continuing on to the end of the song with a heavy dose of eye-fucking.  
>They stood grinning at each other when it concluded until Darren took the microphone and said pointedly:<p>

"Chris, man, I'm a little disappointed. You didn't do the sexy faces!"  
>"You mean the baby penguin with gas pain faces?" Chris queried, having been handed another microphone by a member of Darren's efficient band.<br>"Yeah! I loved those faces," Darren answered looking out to the audience who seemed to be with him 100%.

"Those are Kurt faces, Darren," Chris reminded. "I think Ryan Murphy owns the copyright. And … I thought this was a Darren Criss show not a Glee concert."  
>"It's whatever kind of show you want it to be Chris," Darren reminded, though it was unlikely Chris had forgotten that the whole night was for his benefit.<br>"Well in that case," Chris answered, "I want to hear another one of these new songs you've talked up. Yes?" Chris said enlisting the audience's support.  
>Darren chuckled over the screaming fans and replied, "As it happens, I wrote a duet Chris and I have your part right here."<p>

Abandoning the microphone Darren stepped behind a speaker and picked up a folder.

"Woops!" said Chris. "What have I got myself into? You sure you want me to sing something I've never seen before?"

Darren stepped up close to Chris and deliberately let the microphone he was holding pick up his words as he showed Chris the music and lyrics.  
>"See I do the first part and you come in here. Then we have the bridge and you see the key change? The lyrics repeat a lot so … I think you'll do just fine."<p>

Chris studied the set of pages Darren was holding and glanced at the audience, laughing. "Well if I keep this page how are YOU going to remember the words?"

This quip earned heavy applause which Darren joined in himself.

"Darren?" Chris asked tentatively then, having studied the lyrics further. "Is this song about a murder?"  
>Darren laughed again. "No! It's allegorical."<br>Chris shook his head, "College graduates!"

After Darren demonstrated Chris' starting note and the key change on the keyboard, the audience loving every minute of it, they got started with Darren on guitar, and Chris nervously hanging onto the sheet music.

_"I was caught by your smile under a blushing moon, _  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>Words poured like wine over an open wound, <em>  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>With sky-borne blue-grey eyes, <em>  
><em>Sky-borne blue-grey eyes. <em>

_Pale light falls over a broken bed, _  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>Cold hands in mine, lips bruised and black, <em>  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>With sky-borne blue-grey eyes, <em>  
><em>Sky-borne blue grey eyes."<em>

Singing these words to Chris in front of an audience Darren's heart was nearly bursting. Being in the spotlight since Glee started had obviously helped Chris to handle the moment and he hardly looked embarrassed at all when Darren sang about his beautiful eyes. Chris was also ready, perfectly on time to take over and sing his part:

_Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me now, _  
><em>I have been patient my patience is gone. <em>  
><em>Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me now, <em>  
><em>All of my vision has blurred into one. <em>  
><em>Just Shut up, just shut up, just shut up and kiss me now.<em>

As Chris sang concentrating on his page of lyrics Darren quickly undid an instrument case he'd kept nearby and joined in with the band on violin. Chris' eyes widened and the audience cheered again as Darren played a solo instrumental then Darren put down the violin and took his turn to sing again:

_The cool of the night fell on us like a ghost, _  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>I wept as a child, wept for the life I'd lost, <em>  
><em>You were the only one left there. <em>  
><em>With sky-borne blue-grey eyes,<em>

This time Chris' voice interwove perfectly with Darren's

_Sky-borne blue-grey eyes (Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me), _  
><em>Sky-borne blue-grey eyes (Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me), <em>  
><em>Sky borne blue-grey eyes.<em>

Darren went back to playing his guitar and Chris threw down his page dramatically as they sang the last chorus directly to each other becoming louder and more aggressive with each line.

_Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me now, _  
><em>I have been patient my patience is gone. <em>  
><em>Shut up and kiss me now, kiss me now, kiss me now, <em>  
><em>All of my vision has blurred into one. <em>

Darren was thrashing his guitar and kept stepping closer until he was right in Chris' personal space, but Chris was an award-winning actor and he responded in kind as the song reached it's climax with the two staring heatedly at each other.

_Just Shut up, just shut up, just shut up and kiss me, _  
><em>Just Shut up, just shut up, just shut up and kiss me, <em>  
><em>Just Shut up, just shut up, just shut up and kiss me now!<em>

They were both breathing heavily and Darren kept eye contact as he removed his guitar and put it down. He leaned into the microphone and said teasingly:  
>"Well, since you asked so nicely!"<br>Then he puckered up his lips and slowly leaned towards Chris.  
>Who, with perfect dramatic timing, turned his head at the last moment and gave the audience a huge wink as the kiss landed on his cheek.<p>

They couldn't help laughing hard at each other, with each other and Darren couldn't believe he was so lucky to have Chris join him on stage being so playful after all of the misery he'd recently experienced. Chris took Darren's hand and joined in as Darren, Charlene and the band bowed several times before finally exiting the stage for good.

Back in the dressing room Darren was congratulated by his close friends in the band and Chris didn't let go of his hand.

They were each handed beers and drank still without letting go, and finally Darren declared he needed a shower, badly. Chris studied him briefly and then spoke, not bothering to lower his voice:  
>"Why don't you come back to my place and have one?"<br>Darren looked around at the circle of grinning musicians. Normally they would wind-down for longer after a show but clearly nobody was going to question his need to be alone with Chris.  
>He met Chris' eyes again. "Okay," he said.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: The song Animal is the same one off Glee of course. Shut Up and Kiss Me is by Paul McDermott (an Australian who is mainly known as a comedian). You can see a performance on You Tube .com/watch?v=_FxUlGFfG60

Thank you to the My Fair Lady fans and others who reviewed the last chapter! I hope to have the next up soon.

BTW I have had over 150 alerts on this story (which is a huge thrill) but reviews stand at 74 so this is a REVIEW REQUEST for those who are reading but not reviewing ... who are you? where are you from? Do you mind having a few songs in the story? You can review anonymously if you like. Thanks for reading! Please review.


	23. Chapter 23

**ch23**

During the car ride back to Chris' place little was said. There were just two hands gripping tightly in anticipation.  
>Chris thought some photographers had followed them from the theatre although they would not have been certain Chris and Darren were both in the car due to the tinted windows and luckily he could drive straight into his garage and from there go into the house.<br>Darren brought his travel bag inside with his change of clothes even though he hoped he wouldn't need them.  
>"I'd better take that shower, 'cos I'm totally gross right now," Darren told Chris. When he took a step towards where he knew the main bathroom was located from his previous visits Chris halted him and beckoned him towards the main bedroom.<br>Darren was insanely curious what the room would look like but Chris didn't turn on the light, instead leading him straight across to another door obviously containing the ensuite.  
>"Holy Fuck!" Darren shouted when he saw the bathroom. "Is this some kind of kinky sexual device?"<br>"Will you be disappointed if it tell you it is just a very expensive, luxurious, modern shower?" Chris answered.  
>"This is fucking awesome," Darren said stripping off his clothes unselfconsciously. "It looks like something out of Star Trek!"<br>"Yeah! That's why I bought it!" Chris responded enthusiastically. "It sprays water from the sides and below as well as above and, here, I'll show you what the buttons do."  
>Chris reached around from outside the high-tech shower door and suddenly a fine, warm mist was surrounding Darren.<br>"Is this water scented as well?" he shouted  
>"Oh yeah," said Chris "I have it on sandalwood as a default but you can choose." He then pushed another button and Darren yelped as the mist turned to heavy spray that seemed to constantly change direction.<br>"Fuck Chris, is there a bar of soap around here anywhere?" Darren shouted again as he was drenched from all angles.  
>"Oh, no, that's another button, here."<br>"Help! I'm in a fucking car wash!" Darren yelled next.  
>Chris laughed and let it run for another minute before asking Darren:<br>"Are you ready for the rinse cycle?"  
>"I want to read the manual!" Darren declared but gave Chris the nod and was gratifyingly clean after another drenching which gradually decreased in warmth and pressure until Darren found he was experiencing a light spray of cold water which transformed seamlessly to a blast of air which was somehow just the right temperature.<br>"Oh my god! I have got to play with this sometime and check out every setting," Darren said as he stepped from the cubicle and into a fluffy towel Chris was holding out to him.  
>Chris watched as Darren dried his hair first then wrapped the towel tightly around his waist before muttering: "I need my fucking glasses!" He plucked his contacts out and rummaged in his bag before turning back to see Chris, wearing his newest pair of glasses.<br>Chris was leaning against the wall observing Darren and wiggled his fingers in a lttle "hi" without saying anything.  
>Darren swallowed.<br>"Chris. Thank you for supporting me tonight," he began but then Chris straightened and started undoing his shirt. Soon he was throwing the shirt in a hamper and starting on his jeans.  
>Darren felt a flush radiate through his body and knew he was developing an obvious bulge in the front of the towel. Chris' jeans and socks were soon disposed of until he stood next to the bed in just his underwear.<br>"Darren," he said.  
>Darren wondered how it was possible to be so weighed down by want that he could barely move to step toward that which he so desired.<br>But despite the couple of paces seeming to span miles with Chris' eyes drilling into him, Darren found himself walking forward until he was close enough to touch. And he did, reaching his hand to press it again over Chris' heart.  
>"Darren," Chris said again. And Darren reached his arms up a little to rest them on Chris shoulders, clasping his hands behind Chris' neck and leaning in to an embrace that might superficially be called a hug but with their semi-nakedness, became so much more.<br>Chris' chest against his own was warm and firm. Darren breathed into the moment as Chris' hands stroked down his back. He leaned back a little and looked into Chris' eyes as their lips came together.  
>It was like a first kiss, despite their earlier kisses at the theatre – kisses? Or had it really just been one kiss that went on and on until Charlene interrupted?<br>This time Chris was careful, brushing their lips together softly and progressing it only a little at a time, savouring each new level of intimacy.  
>Then Chris was no longer kissing his lips but turning Darren around and kissing his neck as his hands slipped down and took away the towel, kicking it out of the way. Darren loved feeling Chris' tongue and lips suckling on his neck as his hands caressed up and down Darren's thighs, front and back.<br>Chris didn't hesitate to grasp Darren's cock and stroke it a couple of times until his hands continued to wander all over Darren's body as he switched and began kissing the other side of Darren's neck.  
>Darren was immersed in the pleasure of Chris' ministrations, one arm curling up to caress Chris where his head was bent down lavishing attention on Darren's sensitive neck. Apart from that he was passive, letting Chris seduce him slowly, his heart and cock swelling with each touch of tongue, lips and hands.<br>From where he stood, behind Darren, Chris eventually stepped back a little to remove his own underwear. Then he quickly closed the distance again resuming his caresses across Darren's stomach and chest, Down, briefly, to his cock, around his muscular thighs and especially, again and again to Darren's ass, stroking his palms over the rounded cheeks, massaging, pressing, squeezing until finally he grasped Darren's hips and rubbed his own erection up and down along the crease of Darren's ass.  
>Chris' arms wrapped fully around Darren's chest then as he lifted his head from Darren's neck and groaned into his ear: "Darren, please!"<br>"Yes, Chris," Darren answered, of course, wondering why Chris had hesitated. He wasn't hestitating any longer, turning Darren in his arms to claim his lips passionately.  
>"Yes," Darren said when he came up for air, laying his hands on either side of Chris' face and kissing first his forehead, then his nose, then his chin tenderly.<br>And Chris, eyes hooded with lust, reached into the bedside drawer and lifted out a bottle from which he quickly pumped the organic lubricant into his hand.  
>Chris' slick hand took Darren's cock again and caressed it slowly then let his hand wander past to Darren's testicles and beyond. He teased the muscle stroking around and past, back and forth, his slick fingers playing there making Darren shiver and grind against Chris' body clutching his arms and spreading his legs wide.<br>"Yes," Darren said and felt then the first breach of his most private space.  
>Yes, Darren groaned as the slick intrusion slowly became welcome and Chris moved steadily inside him.<br>"Yes!" When the acceptance became pleasure and his cock trembled dripping against Chris' stomach.  
>"Ok love. Steady. I've got you," Chris murmured. Gently removing his finger and laying Darren out at last onto the bed. He returned to the bottle pumping more lubricant then nestled alongside Darren who rolled towards him blindly needing the strong, sure hand again.<br>"Chris," Darren moaned when it returned, twice as thick and hard and pressing inside driving his need higher and higher.  
>He reached for Chris and he was there kissing him again deeply as he stroked and massaged inside Darren the hand now a lifeline. When it withdrew returning with three fingers Darren nearly wept, breathing deeply for a moment before accepting the new width gasping at the feeling, filling him, every sense focussed on the place where Chris' hand was changing everything.<p>

"Darren," Chris said again, a little brokenly, after they had been panting together like that for long minutes. "Darren I ..."

"Yes," he said, and meant it with every part of him. "Please. Now. Make me yours."


	24. Chapter 24

Ch24

He thought he knew what to expect. He thought he was prepared.

But when Chris pushed in and then fell apart Darren was too overwhelmed by the newness of the sensation to know what to do.

Chris was inside him. Inside!

He was also weeping softly and kissing Darren's face again and again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he murmured as his lips traced Darren's eyelids, cheekbones and jaw.

Darren gathered his scattered thoughts which had been focused in various parts of his bod,y especially his ass and his dick.

He brought his hands up to Chris' head and gently lifted it until he could look clearly at Chris who sniffled and tried not to meet Darren's eyes.

"Chris. Come on. Why? Why are you sorry?" Darren asked.

Instead of an answer Chris started thrusting causing Darren to moan and throw his head back.

The rhythm took him over and what little coordination he could muster he used to kiss Chris' mouth again.

"Darren!"  
>"Chris!"<br>"Darren!"  
>"Chris!"<br>"Ah!"  
>"Yes!"<br>"Oh!"  
>"Please!"<p>

Time stopped while Chris moved inside of him and Darren alternately clutched Chris' arms or his ass.

"I love you!"

Darren felt a thrill of pleasure throughout his body that was not his impending orgasm. Chris said it! He said it!

"I love- ooohhhhh!" A primal groan emerged from Darren's throat so loudly he thought the room would shake.

Coming with Chris' cock inside him took the meaning of climax to a whole new level.

With every cell tingling and his body arched, his ass clamped down on the thick, hard presence and tilted the earth on it's axis.

Chris shuddered and pulsed inside him before launching a final few furious thrusts, arching and wailing his pleasure into Darren's shoulder.

Slowly, slowly reality returned. Darren put his legs down again and Chris gingerly withdrew.

They lay there then, breathing together, and Darren understood that this was like being born. From safety he had emerged into a world of frightening sensation. He would have to learn to walk and talk again - a new language of mastering his own and another male body, detaching himself from the world he knew and taking in the sounds, colours and smells of male love.  
>But Darren was not a newborn infant and could not depend on Chris as a nurturing mother to keep the world at bay while he lay cocooned in sated solace. With love and sex and other such adult pursuits comes responsibility.<br>Darren would shoulder his education, his equal partnership, and he would love Chris, as a man.

"Sweetheart?"  
>"Mmmm?"<br>"I need to tell you something."  
>"What is it?"<br>"No matter what happens in our future, I love you for this. And I will never go back to having a girlfriend again."  
>Chris' eyes searched Darren's before he smirked.<br>"That good huh?"  
>"No. Well, yes, but what I mean is ... It's not about the pleasure. It's about the intimacy. I loved it. Being vulnerable to you. Being fucked. Feeling you become physically part of me ..."<br>Chris held his gaze and then he smiled. Softly.  
>"You're still a talker. And, by the way, just wait until you top."<br>Darren laughed, then groaned.  
>"Ah, Chris. Sorry. We might need to change these sheets."<p>

* * *

><p>In the morning Chris woke Darren by pulling back the curtains and dropping a heavy book onto his chest.<br>"Fuck! What the? Chris?"  
>"I have to go Darren. My call for taping today is earlier than yours. I'm guessing you want to hang around and call a taxi later. I'll see you at work. That's the manual for the shower - have fun but try not to get stuck in any other dimensions okay?"<br>He kissed Darren briefly, then not so briefly, then took off.  
>Darren groaned then sat up, suddenly alert. Alone, in Chris' house, he could wreak some seriously fun havoc!<p>

* * *

><p>Usually Darren liked to chat to taxi drivers but he sat in the back seat and stared at his phone instead. He didn't want to turn it on. He knew he would have a lot of messages of support as well as the crap but he just didn't want to look at them. He didn't want to see the videso on You Tube that were recorded when he sang those lines deliberately into the cameras held by his fans. He had communicated with the important people individually before the concert and he didn't want to know how many news agencies had covered his coming out. He didn't want it to matter to anyone but himself and those closest to him, people who were actually part of his life not random celebrities stopped and probed for their opinion about his actions, not professional gossips or celebrity watchers, not Glee fans, or even Starkids. He knew he would have plenty to deal with soon enough. He could put off the world of Facebook, Myspace, Tumblr and Twitter just a little longer.<p>

* * *

><p>He had the taxi take him past the crowd of media outside the studio and inside where he could alight in peace. He went straight to his trailer to retrieve one of his guitars and then went to hang around the room they used for dance rehearsal because that's where he was first expected today according to the schedule. He probably had a dozen messages summoning him to Ryan's office or various other places but given his tense mood Darren wasn't ready to talk to the money men just yet. He was early for the dance rehearsal though, the first of the "New Directions" actors to arrive. He sat and began fooling around with his guitar.<p>

Dianna was the next to arrive 20 minutes later and she said nothing, just sat next to him and rested her hand on his ankle as he continued to strum the guitar.  
>He met her gaze for a second and nodded in acknowledgement of her wordless support. He graced her with a small smile and went back to the song he was composing.<p>

Slowly the others began arriving alone or in pairs, most of them following suit with Dianna or giving him a brief couple of words before continuing conversations they'd been having as they walked up.

"Surprised the shit out of me!" Chord said, laughing and patting Darren's shoulder. Then he burped loudly and started discussing the lunch they'd just had with Kevin.

"Rockin' songs last night man!" Cory stated and, observing the atmosphere of the group, plonked down and fished out a script to scan.

"I thought you were hot for ME!" said Heather when she arrived with Naya and they all laughed a little.

Darren kept playing and softly singing the lyrics that were crystallising as the song progressed from an idea to a melody, to more.

"Let us hear it?" Mark encouraged, so Darren projected a little more as he sang:

_I dreamed of you at nighttime_  
><em>And I watched you in your sleep<em>  
><em>I met you in high places<em>  
><em>I touched your head and touched your feet<em>

Darren had been thinking about Chris all morning, of course.  
>Despite their fond parting this morning Darren felt nerves ploughing his gut to shreds. Chris could have had second thoughts. He'd been exposed by now to some of the public reaction, and no doubt the PR people too.<br>Darren tried to remind himself that Chris had finally shared his feelings. He had said the all-important words. But that just meant that now Darren had a lot more to lose and honestly, they hadn't really gotten around to talking properly, they had made love most of the night.

Darren strummed and hummed a few bars.

Chris had shared the stage with him last night, Darren told himself. They'd sung together as themselves not Kurt and Blaine. But Chris had made the decision in an emotional moment. He was an extremely private person. He might regret taking things public and Darren didn't want Chris to feel trapped by the impulse he'd followed onto that stage.

Despite the love and the chemistry between he and Chris there were a hundred other things that could apply pressure and break them up in the weeks and months ahead: the media glare, working together, the slight age difference … Was Darren panicking? Probably.

_And we may never meet again_  
><em>So shed your skin and let's get started<em>  
><em>And you will throw -oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me<em>  
><em>Yeah, you will throw- oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me<em>

Darren sang out loud, appreciating the way his cast mates kept encouraging him: tapping and nodding along, thumbs up, big grin from Trouty Mouth, a blown kiss. The others had stopped their conversations to listen to his song and Cory had gratefully surrendered his script. But Darren was still anxious. He just wanted to see Chris again and meet his eye so he would know where they stood. The sooner the better.

_I will squeeze the life out of you_  
><em>You will make me laugh and make me cry<em>  
><em>And we will never forget it<em>  
><em>You will make me call your name<em>  
><em>And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky!<em>

Darren sang the note loud and long figuring out what he wanted to do with that section at last as he watched Lea and Amber walk closer and join them.

_And you will throw- oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me_  
><em>Yeah, you will throw- oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me<em>

"DARREN!" Lea screamed tackling him in a big hug which he struggled out of instantly, cursing and checking she hadn't damaged his guitar.

"Fuckin' hell Lea," Darren cursed again abandoning the instrument and brushing down his clothes.

"What?" Lea asked as the others scowled and tsked and shook their heads at her. "What?

"Lea! That boy is taken!" Kevin said on behalf of all of them. "And you really need to start checking out other people's tags on Tumblr, not just your own, girl!"

Then Darren heard His voice. Chris was giving Lea his own memorable reprimand:

"Lea! Are you flirting with my man?"

Lea looked between the two of them aghast but Darren couldn't stop grinning as Chris walked, no strutted towards him, finally reaching him, lifting his chin with a finger and laying one on him with plenty of tongue.

A long minute later Darren nuzzled into Chris' neck blushing as their castmates cheered and clapped. All except Lea who was belatedly scrolling through Tumblr on her phone.

"Do you want to finish the song Darren?" Chris asked and Darren gave a nod, quickly retrieving his guitar and singing directly to Chris:

_So if you disappear out of view_  
><em>You know I will never say goodbye<em>

Then he glanced around and the others joined in singing and harmonising the lines they'd just learned:

_Throw oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me_  
><em>Yeah, you will throw oh oh oh oh oh your arms around me<em>  
><em>Oh...yeah...<em>  
><em>Ohhh yeah...<em>  
><em>You will throw your arms around me...<em>  
><em>Yeah, you will throw your arms around me...<em>.

Chris didn't throw his arms around Darren when he finished. He couldn't because Zach walked straight up to Darren and clasped his hand. "Hey. Good to see you friend. Ready to work?"

"Yeah," Darren replied, "but my ass isn't."

Ribald laughter rippled around the group and Chris shook his head as several of the males tried to get him to fist-bump.

"You are not being given any slack Darren, sorry, you'll have to get used to it," said Zach. "Chris can kiss it better later!"

Suddenly Chris was giving him the hottest of looks and Darren couldn't wait until dance rehearsal was finished.

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>: The song "Throw Your Arms Around Me" is by Hunters and Collectors. You Tube it: .com/watch?v=S4XahjfsyJs

I'm sorry if anyone is offended by my portrayal of Lea. I should be a huge fan of hers actually because I'm a vegan and she gives us good publicity but I got annoyed with all the photos of her standing up close to Darren - she does it with all the guys, even Chris, leaning in so it looks as if they are a couple! Crisscolfer shippers just want a photo of Darren and Chris! Hence this characterisation.

Anyway, reviews anyone? The story isn't over yet. I have some more to say before the end. But reviews would help me go on. I can't go on. I'll go on ...

Now that quote might be a little tougher ...


	25. Chapter 25

Ch25

Chris gripped Darren's hand tightly as they headed across the lot to their trailers.

Both knew they only had half an hour until Darren was required in hair and make-up for filming and they wanted the time to count.

Darren was more concerned than Chris because he knew how many people he'd been avoiding.

When the door finally closed with the two of them sheltered from the world at large Chris didn't hesitate, pushing Darren down onto the bed, straddling him and then lunging for his mouth. It wasn't long before Darren was whining and trying to push his crotch up towards Chris' as hard and fast as possible.

"Fuck!" Chris said another minute later. "This is insane. We don't have time to do it properly. You deserve so much better than this. God, I'm sorry."

He collapsed onto the bed beside Darren adjusting his pants slightly to ease the pressure.

"I'm not feeling short-changed," Darren assured him. "As long as I still get to go home with you later a quickie isn't going to lower my self-esteem. And plus, we need a shower after dance rehearsal anyway."

Lying side by side on their backs they looked at each other then jointly started pulling off their loose rehearsal pants and kicking off shoes.

Shortly, the lower-halves taken care of, they stripped off t-shirts and rejoined their lips, both moaning as their bodies met and aligned.

"I really, really want to 'kiss it better' Darren," Chris mumbled as Darren rolled on top and feasted on Chris' neck.

"Mmmm be my guest," Darren replied.

"It's just that it's a really good lead in to actual sex and we really - god! fuck! that's so good! - um, shouldn't do that again, if you're still sore. Not in a rush. But later, I promise."

Darren nipped again at Chris' chest having received a pretty stimulating reaction the last time and was rewarded with another ecstatic noise.

"Fuck, you really like that! I am sooo putting that to good use."

Darren started making his way down Chris' body placing tiny bites at strategic intervals until Chris was writhing and panting.

Then Darren tortured him by biting and sucking each of chris' thighs alternately without touching his swollen cock in between.

"Time limit Darren," Chris reminded in a choked-sounding voice. "You can't fucking tease me like - OH Yes! Marry me! Fuck!"

Darren paused from the ball-sucking he'd been doing to chuckle at Chris' rather loud reaction.

"You're going to alert the whole of Fox studios to what we're doing in here. Let's put your mouth to better use, hey?"

Darren crawled back over Chris for another passionate kiss and then turned himself around crawling forward again so that this time, when his mouth applied itself to Chris' cock, Darren's own hung over Chris' face. Chris didn't waste the invitation and soon the two were moaning and sucking and thrusting a little haphazardly as sensation overwhelmed polished performance.

Chris gripped Darren's legs tightly and sucked fiercely. Darren rocked down desperately and tried not to use his teeth. They moaned and shuddered simultaneously, a delicious feedback loop that spiralled them both towards an exhausting climax.

"I love you," they spoke together when their bodies were at last separated.

"Darren." Chris said and waited until his boyfriend had turned back around and faced him again.

"You're incredible. But if you want to get your hair done before filming we had better take separate showers."

Darren smiled and pecked Chris' lips.

"See you later."

* * *

><p>When Darren returned he found a note from Chris saying he was in his own trailer awaiting the end of Darren's scene.<p>

Darren hurried through his third shower of the day and was out the door again barely 10 minutes after he'd arrived.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Darren hesitated. Why was he nervous all over again? The things Chris did to him.

"You look good."

Chris smirked.

"I look the same as I did before."

"You looked good then too."

"Come over here dork!"

Darren sat across from Chris at the table and Chris closed his laptop, pushing it aside.

"A lot of people want to interview us. And I assume you've had even more requests. I'll support whatever you want to do."

Darren looked down at his hands.

"Don't you think we should talk to each other first before talking to the media?"

"You're right. We haven't really had the chance. And to be honest, it's easier for me to jump your bones than to deal with the way I acted …"

"The main thing is that we're together now. Right?"

"Definitely. But I know I hurt you, made it harder. And I'm sorry."

"I … thank you. … Do you think you could tell me why? You say now that you love me too but you were so adamant before. So quick to back off when you saw that picture."

"Darren, I … You … Shit. I don't know!

I guess I just realized I was scared. So scared.

And there's no point to being in a relationship unless you are ready to be brave. It's about opening yourself up and trusting another person.

But I was a coward. I didn't want the responsibility for you coming out.

I didn't want that free-falling, anything could happen, love experience. I've got - had - my life under control.

But you were impossible to resist.

I guess the part of me that wants to be loved, that wanted everything you said to be true, was stronger than the fear."

"Why wouldn't it all be true"? Darren asked just a little scolding. "You said you believed me."

"I knew you were sincere but I tried to convince myself you were mistaken … or deluded. Anything. God, I know I'm not making sense. Let me go back a bit. Since I first had an inkling

that you could be … since we filmed the bath scene … n,o even before that. You kept showing interest in me. Not romantic then but genuine curiosity to listen and hear and understand

how I view the world. I've been around good looking straight guys before and always been professional. I thought I was above developing a crush. But it was always much more of a

struggle with you, to resist the overtures of friendship, resist your open and generous nature. And I took what that studio executive told me to heart. I didn't want to risk impacting on

your career.

But you were so persistent and then we did that scene. I reinterpreted all your persistence. I wondered if you'd been lying. And when I realised it was still evolving for you. You were

barely aware that you were drawn to me sexually … god I started fantasising about you. So much. I was thinking: if Darren comes out this could happen, if Darren comes out we could do

that. And I got so mad at myself for allowing those thoughts in. I knew I had to respect you and just be your friend and give you the time to work things out for yourself - you still could

have decided you were straight after all. So I made more effort towards our friendship but there was more and more evidence that you were feeling attracted to me. That you were

struggling. Until, you weren't. Just like that you stopped struggling and suddenly you were saying all this stuff like reading off a script for a romance. I kept waiting for someone to yell

CUT and for you to say it was all some stupid joke. But you were … perfect and for a brief moment I allowed myself the fantasy … we could date like two normal people. But then we saw

the photo and I … I knew I couldn't have it all. I knew it was too good to be true. So I denied what I wanted and I didn't support you but you showed me you were brave enough all on

your own and I suddenly knew … even if I don't deserve you, even if I can't have you forever, you inspire me and I want that. I want to be with you and soak up all of your joy and

openness, your silliness and your bravery. I want as much as I can get of you. And my wanting is stronger than my fear."

Getting out from the table and around to Chris was challenging because his hurry made him clumsy but eventually, finally Darren got Chris into his arms and kissed him. Kissed him and

kissed him again. After a minute they rested their foreheads together and rubbed noses, laughing at themselves and wiping away stray tears from each other's eyes.

Darren felt a sense of peace and contentment … except for one thing he needed to confess.

"Chris. I'm not that brave. I haven't even switched my phone on since last night. It just seemed too overwhelming to deal with."

"Oh love, I get it. I really do. I'll help you. It's the least I can do after how I treated you. Sit right there, don't move."

Chris got some blank paper and asked for Darren's phone which he had to go back to his trailer to fetch.

Finally Chris took the phone and worked through first the text messages and then the voice calls.

"232 messages, shit."

Soon there was a list of the people who had called to offer support, various updates from his manager about the reactions in the media. And a queue of respected journalists begging to

interview him. Not to mention Darren's lawyers, booking agent, Glee publicists, and even Darren's accountant, who'd been in touch with most of the others and was advising on the

financial inducements being offered for an interview.

"Shit. Now I know why I avoided turning it on," Darren muttered.

"Darren, this is about you, not them," Chris said. "You can steer the ship in whatever direction you like. There will always be stuff you can't control but most of these people work FOR

you. They should have your best interests at heart however ultimately all you need is your own judgement about how much you want to be talking to the media. You can give out some

instructions and then sit back and relax."

"Well if I had my way it would be not at all," said Darren. "I said everything I had to say when I sang that song for you."

"Okay. So you tell your publicist no. No to every request. Or, wait! I've got a better idea. There's no reason you can't have it your own way, Darren. You just need a butt-kicking ninja like

me backing you up."

* * *

><p>Ryan Murphy greeted Chris and Darren mildly and offered them seats.<p>

Then he put a question to each of them.

"Darren, why should I keep you on Glee when you won't cooperate with any PR plans we make, you won't answer your phone, you lied to everyone about your sexuality and you're

turning a serious storyline into a musical farce about your love life? And Chris, tell me upfront, are you going to resign if I sack Darren?"

"Woah," says Darren feeling like he got punched in the gut.

Chris stood up again and began counting points off on his fingers.

"First, Darren didn't lie, he WILL answer his phone from now on, Glee is already a musical farce even if it does deal with serious issues sometimes and PR has no place in our private lives!

Will I quit if you fire Darren? Probably. But I don't think you will fire him. He could sue you for discrimination on the basis of sexual identity. And even without your extra PR spin Darren

coming out will generate interest in the show. Plus there's the small fact that when he sings on the show he makes money for you. So if you want to scare us try again Ryan."

"Hmmm," Ryan muses. "But Darren doesn't want to record his new love songs with Sony. Who are rather irate about it I must say. In the time since he romantically announced he had

written 15 songs for Chris Colfer they've already got cover art, a producer and a launch campaign in the works. They were looking forward to benefiting from Darren's talents. They were

furious to hear of his decision."

"Fuck! I only told my agent 20 minutes ago!" Darren said.

Chris spoke again:

"Darren has agreed to play his new songs on Ellen and a selection of other shows, although he will NOT give interviews. And Sony already has Darren under contract for a solo album

which he will deliver shortly from his existing repertoire allowing them to benefit as desired from the public interest in us at the moment."

Ryan arched an eyebrow seeming surprisingly satisfied.

"Now," Chris said. "About your threat not to feature Darren on any Glee songs! We all know that's ridiculous and now Darren is wise to your bluff. I think I'll be coming to all your

meetings from now on."

* * *

><p>Once the confrontation with Ryan was over the two decided to go home. Well, back to Chris' place. With Darren having roommates it just made sense for them to hang out at Chris'.<p>

They collected food on the way and ignored the media waiting outside Chris' place but when they walked inside from the garage Chris froze.

"What the hell? This place looks like … wait … Darren! YOU did this?"

Darren smirked. He'd forgotten all about it himself. But having Chris discover all the things he'd relocated and arranged was going to be fun.

Chris was cursing as he went from room to room.

"How the hell did you move the recliner into the kitchen by yourself?"

"Are they my good sheets you used to make a cubby house?"

"Every single one of the pictures hanging on my walls is in a new place. Every single one!"

"A scarecrow Darren? You made my floor lamp into a scarecrow?"

"What the fuck? If you think I'm leaving a poster of you on the back of my toilet door you had better think again!"

"Damn it Darren is there anything you've left untouched?"

"You haven't been into the bedroom yet," Darren said.

Chris' eyes widened and he hurried off banging the bedroom door open loudly and then starting to laugh.

He came back and met Darren outside the room with a fond look and a sweet kiss.

"Oh you silly romantic fool."

"Well I still feel bad I didn't bring flowers on our first date," Darren replied.

"How much did you spend on all these?" Chris enquired as he pulled Darren inside and moved around smelling the various arrangements that filled the room.

"It doesn't matter. I just wanted to see you happy."

"I'm happy. Now, you want to eat dinner in the cubby? Then I'm going to sit back and watch you put everything away where it belongs again. And hmmm what punishment can I think of

… oh I know. You can do it all naked. Yep I'm going to enjoy watching that."

Laying in bed later Darren said:

"You were brilliant today. I can't thank you enough for helping me."

Chris asked: "Did I tell you I love your music yet? I can't believe you wrote those beautiful songs for me."

Darren looked smug.

"Well I thought you must have liked it when you stuck your tongue down my throat and your cock in my ass. Then your cock in my throat and your tongue in my ass."

"Darren!"

The subject of this exclamation chuckled then spoke again. "Seriously though I have a lot of new music to get out there for the fans and playing it on talk shows instead of giving

interviews suits me perfectly. I don't want to talk about my private life. I've always had that policy and why should I change now? But I do need to affirm the message I've conveyed. And,

I wouldn't mind singing to you again."

"You want me to come with you on tv and support you?" Chris was trying to look neutral but a coy smile was escaping.

"Yes. If you're willing."

"I'll do anything you want, Darren. Now that I've got you I'm going to be the best boyfriend in the world."

"You already are for dealing with all those messages, and Ryan and laughing about the house stuff."

"Only you could get away with that Darren. Only you."

Several minutes and several kisses later Chris leaned back.

"I still want to know how you got the shower water to smell like chocolate mint cookies," he said. "And if you won't tell me I will tickle it out of you!"

"I swear it is one of the pre-set options," Darren answered putting on a superior tone. "You just have to read the manual thoroughly Colfer. It's all in the manual."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The story isn't over yet. A few more chapters to go. <strong>

**I'll make really nice virtual pumpkin cookies for anyone who reviews.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

When Ellen came into his dressing room where Chris waited with him, Darren stood nervously.

She walked straight up and hugged him and Darren relaxed against her shoulder, accepting her support.

Chris looked on smiling as they drew apart and Darren began speaking.

"Thank you for letting me come on the show," he said.

"Are you kidding? Thank you for doing it. There is so much interest. And I know it is hard, no matter how confident a person you are, when it

is not a role and the interest is focused on you personally it can be very very overwhelming."

"Yeah. But I'm so lucky I have Chris and his support makes it all worthwhile."

"Oh! You guys are the cutest together. Hi Chris. Come here, give me a hug."

Chris stepped forward and after a few seconds Darren wrapped his arms around the two of them turning it into a group hug.

Laughing they all stepped apart and Ellen sat down focusing her attention on Darren.

"So, I know you're just singing. I need to know how you want me to introduce you. Do I just say Darren Criss or do I say 'newly out Darren

Criss' or what?"

"Um I don't really mind, whatever you like," Darren answered.

"Well, how much of a statement are you wanting to make?"

At Darren's shrug Ellen paused.

"The reception of your concert has been somewhat mixed, you know. Even in the gay media. Some people are saying it was too ambiguous

because you didn't ascribe a label to yourself. They're waiting for you to say if you are bisexual or gay or what."

"I don't really care what people think about my personal life unless they are actually in it. Not even the gay media. I'm not bothering to read or

keep track of what the commentators are saying. I didn't write the songs for them. I didn't say or not say anything with any agenda other

than to express myself through music.

"Hmm okay. But you know, you're going to keep getting the questions, and the pressure to some extent until you do clarify. I'm prepared to

bump one of my other guests and give you a full interview today if you want."

"Look Ellen, I do appreciate it, but I am not doing any interviews. I'm sorry."

"No problem. Not at all."

She went to leave the room but re-closed the door and sat back down again, taking Darren's hand and looking him in the eye.

"Are you really ready for this then? Is it a case of not knowing yet yourself? Is that why you don't want to answer the questions? Because I

don't want to do anything that will make it harder for you. That is the last thing I want. Was the declaration forced on you - by Ryan or anyone

else?"

Darren was quick to reassure her.

"No, it's fine. I'm ready. It's not about being confused or in crisis. I know who I am. I'm gay. And I'm comfortable with that. Really, don't worry.

I just hope you like my music."

"Okay. Great," Ellen responded. "I'm sure I'll love it and so will the audience. See you in a bit. Break a leg!"

Chris leaned over and brought his lips to Darren's after she had gone, lingering and sweet.

"I love you," he said.

Darren held his hand as they walked out onto the shadowed set.

"I hope YOU like the song," he whispered.

Ellen's audience was cheering and clapping loudly following one of her jokes and Ellen had to shush them several times before they would

settle.

"Now I've got a treat for you, and a coup. We're going to have some music and it's coming from one of my favourite gay actors and singers,

please welcome Glee's Darren Criss everyone!"

As expected the audience went wild again when the grand piano was revealed with Darren sitting at it, wearing his glasses, and Chris could be

seen seated close by within his line of sight.

Ellen strolled across and shushed the audience again.

"Well this is a surprise, Golden Globe winner Chris Colfer is here as well! From Glee too. Are you going to be singing today Chris?"

"No," Chris answered into the microphone that Ellen held out to him. "I'm just here to support my boyfriend."

Another round of sustained cheering from the audience was allowed to go on for nearly a full minute. Then Ellen announced: "Well I want to

hear one of Darren's new songs! Let's all try to control ourselves, especially you in that row there! Yes, you might want to stop jumping up

and down about now. Uh huh. Thank you. That's better. Okay. Everybody cool?"

She turned and nodded to Darren who began playing the intro as all the other lights were lowered except the one over the piano. He pushed

his glasses up quickly as the intro finished and then he began to sing as he played.

"_I guess you've heard. I guess you know. In time I'd have told you but I guess I'm too slow. It's overly romantic, but I know that it's real. I_

_hope you don't mind if I say what I feel._

_It's like I'm in somebody else's dream. This could not be happening to me._"

Darren's eyes met Chris' as he sang the lyrics to him.

"_But you were there, and you were everything I'd never seen. You woke me up from this long and empty sleep. I was alone, I opened my eyes_

_and you were there._

_Don't be alarmed, no don't be concerned. I don't want to change things, leave them just as they were. I mean, nothing's really different, it's_

_me who feels strange. I'm always lost for words when someone mentions your name._

_I know that I'll get over this for sure. I'm not the type who dreams there could be more …_"

The audience was unaware but Chris, hearing these words, rolled his eyes affectionately at Darren.

"_But you were there, and you were everything I'd never seen. You woke me up from this long and empty sleep. I was alone, I opened my eyes_

_and you were there._

_Can I take your smile home with me? Or the magic in your hair … ?_"

Darren held the long note as he looked fondly at Chris before moving into the instrumental part of the song followed shortly by the last verse

and chorus.

"_The rain has stopped. The storm has passed. Look at all the colours now the sun's here at last. I suppose that you'll be leaving, but I want_

_you to know. Part of you stays with me even after you go._

_Like an actor playing someone else's scene, this could not be happening to me. But you were there. And you were everything I'd never seen._

_You woke me up from this long and empty sleep. I was alone, I opened my eyes …"_

_There was a key change and Darren's voice rang out strongly …_

_"And NOW I'm not alone, Now I'm not alone, I opened my eyes and you were there!_"

…

Chris had to wipe tears away as he approached Darren for their agreed peck on the lips and very long, heartfelt embrace.

It seemed he wasn't the only one as Ellen was also brushing tears from her face and a monitor showed similar reactions on several members of

the audience.

The clapping went on for a long time.

"Darren. Thank you. That was just beautiful," Ellen said, hugging him next.

"Thank you," Darren replied, gratified.

"Now I know you're not here for an interview," she continued. "But I just want to reiterate that if you want to talk, if you choose to talk, we

have a very gay-friendly show here," she paused for the laugh, "and I think I can guarantee you a very supportive and embracing audience as

well. Am I right? Yes! So please just know I'd love to interview you Darren, not to mention I'd be a little offended if you decided to give anyone

else an interview!"

Darren couldn't help but laugh as Ellen joked with the audience.

"I'm sure I'll be back to talk about Glee story-lines again eventually," he said.

Ellen took this deflection as a sign of his confidence and comfort with her comments and kept up her banter, standing beside Darren with a big

microphone and glancing with a grin to Chris who was holding his hand on the other side.

"Darren, Darren," she said patting his back in an exaggerated manner. "What happened to our relationship? We used to talk so much!"

Chris was laughing beside him and Darren was grinning.

"You know, I'm no Barbara Walters - and thank goodness because I am a MUCH better dancer than her - but I remember the day when we

talked about you being a straight actor playing a gay role."

She was looking at Darren with an arched eyebrow and an open microphone, having sweetly and supportively boxed him into a corner.

Chris squeezed his hand as Darren hesitated.

Prepared, it seemed, for his continued silence, Ellen went on speaking:

"And you know, this industry can be incredibly tough for young actors to get a start, especially if they are gay, and I want to say that I

personally have no hard feelings towards you or anyone that needs to take some time to be confident with being out as an actor and chooses

to wait and, you know, hang in the closet a little while, so to speak. I am behind you 100%."

More clapping from the audience met this endorsement but Darren felt increasingly awkward. There was an assumption here, that he'd

deliberately lied and he just couldn't let that …

"Ellen," he said.

She looked at him again, surprised that she'd succeeded in baiting him into speaking.

"Yes?"

"Just because I identify as gay now doesn't mean that has always been the case. I want to make it clear to you and my fans that I haven't lied

in the past. Things just … well it's like in the song. I woke up."

Again, Chris squeezed his hand supportively and Darren took another breath.

"I'm not doing interviews because my personal life is not public property however if I thought it would help anyone, you know, I would. But I

just, you know, I think that my … experience … is really atypical, it is not what most people go through, you know, with me being older when I

… and so I don't think there is any point. And I am just concerned that the attention on me might detract from ... my fear is that …" Darren

felt his eyes start to water … "that this could threaten or undo some of the really really good and important work that, you know, Glee has

succeeded in … I've been so lucky to have the opportunity to work on, like the Trevor Project and … it is just devastating to think that

something that makes me so happy, could damage the efforts towards acceptance …"

He couldn't hold the tears any longer. They flowed. Rivers of them. And he clung to Chris who had taken him in his arms. He clung and cried, all

the tension of the whole thing wracking him in sobs. He tried to calm himself when he heard Ellen repeating his name, tilting his head to look at

her as she spoke to him earnestly.

"Darren, I have to tell you, being who you are and loving who you love, openly and without shame, that is doing a world of good for

acceptance. Just remember that. Hold onto that. Okay. We're going to a break now. Bye."

She put an arm over his shoulder again and together with Chris, led him backstage, away from the glare of the lights and cameras.

* * *

><p>Back home, Darren snuggled into Chris' arms again. Only this time they were naked.<p>

"Really, love. It will be okay," Chris was saying as he soothed a hand up and down Darren's back.

"But, when I think of the young kids who identify with our show," Darren said, "who have been rejected at home, bullied at school, while I had

every opportunity to come out safely, if I'd known. The support was always there, I had positive role models, everything. I lived in San

Francisco for God's sake. It's just … not fair. That anyone should have to run away from home or be denigrated by their own families. They are

so vulnerable. And there's not enough being done, not enough services to go around. Society is moving too damn slowly. Kids are dying out

there!"

"I know," Chris said again. "I know." He tried not to think of it too often. But it didn't go away. And with the work they did, it was front and

centre most of the time. Even he was one of the lucky ones. There was so much prejudice and fear and it was all fed by ignorance and

confusion. Like Darren, Chris worried that people would see a 25 year old guy making a choice, perhaps for attention and fame, not a 25 year

old guy understanding who he was for the first time.

When Darren fell asleep Chris lay awake. He didn't know if Darren speaking out or not speaking out would make any difference. He knew only

that being together made them both happy. They owed it to the unlucky ones to hold onto that happiness.

* * *

><p>AN: "You Were There" by Southern Sons. You Tube: .comwatch?v=Qk0DycgVn6Y


	27. Chapter 27

**AN**: Sorry for the delay with this chapter. I've had some childcare issues and I also wanted to have a second opinion before publishing. I consulted FF user IWantYouToBe and I am very grateful for her time and expertise. I hope this chapter satisfies - there is just one installment left now.

* * *

><p>Ch 27<p>

Chris and Darren. Darren and Chris.

They spend as much time together as possible, except:

"You know I really need to get some stuff done," Chris said one morning.

"We did laundry two days ago!" Darren protested.

"No, I mean like stuff I should work on by myself. Without distraction. Oh, damn, please don't take offence, seriously. I love every minute you are here with me. I just have to be disciplined with myself and not allow myself the pleasure of your company again until I meet a couple of deadlines."

"Chris, I'm not offended. I understand. There are things I've been neglecting too. The honeymoon can't last forever, and we did go at it like seven times in the last 24 hours."

"Exactly. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Abstinence makes the heart … ow! That pillow is more solid than it looks!"

"Get out of here crazy man. I'll call you when I've crossed a few things off my list."

…

"Okay I've got everything. Call me, alright."

"Wait! What about my kiss goodbye?"

"People who evict their boyfriends from the safety of the love nest don't get goodbye kisses."

"What about something to tide us both over? Incentive to work hard and call you quickly?"

"No … oh fuck it, I can't resist you."

…

"That wasn't just a kiss."

"It was you that moaned and grabbed my …"

"Yeah, I know. God, now I just want to sleep and have cuddles with you. But if I do then we'll have wake-up sex, and then we'll have to eat and I'm never gonna get anything done."

"I'm out of here then."  
>"Darren? … Darren? Huh. He's really gone."<p>

"Not gone, I just got a Diet Coke to wake you up. Now I'm gone."

"Darren! I love you."

"I know."

* * *

><p>Amber and Jenna had descended on Chris' trailer while Darren was taping a scene with Harry and Matt. It was obvious they wanted to gossip and for Chris to share all about his new, wonderful, time-consuming relationship with Darren.<br>"I'm not going to tell you intimate details!" Chris protested when their questions became more pointed. "You have to work with him too … but I will just say," at this the women giggle uncontrollably, "I … he … I mean, Wow. Just ... I am happy, really happy."

And that is when Darren walked in, to more giggling. He halted looking behind him, confused, until realisation dawned and unconsciously his body language shifted to swaggering.

"Ladies, Lover," he greeted. "You wouldn't happen to be discussing me would you?"  
>Chris looked embarrassed and shy - which was the first time in a while and Darren found it adorable.<br>"What have you told them Chris?" he teased. "Anything I need to worry about?"  
>When nobody answered, but more giggles were stifled, he drilled a look into the women and demanded:<p>

"Which one of you asked about the size of my cock? Don't think I don't know all about girl-talk! Your minds are just as filthy as ours and you are busted!"  
>Amber took the initiative, telling Darren, "Chris is keeping quiet which obviously means it's not that impressive ...". She broke off with a squeal however when Darren started undoing his jeans and offering to prove her wrong. She grabbed Jenna's hand and hastened out the door leaving Chris to finish undressing Darren and thank him for showing up just in time.<p>

"Oh God," Darren groaned a short time later. "You're really grateful aren't you, fuck. You hate girl-talk this much?"  
>"No," Chris grunted in response, his mouth and hands continuing to work on readying Darren. "It's just when they show so much interest in your body I get … mmmm ... possessive. I needed to feel you and taste you again." He paused then, just to tease. "You don't mind, do you?"<br>"Not at … ahhhhALL," Darren answers. "I LOVE possessive Chris. So, um, how would you react if I suggested they come and watch?"  
>Chris stills and then lubes his cock quickly before plunging straight into Darren's tight heat and panting over and over, "No fucking way, no fucking way."<p>

* * *

><p>They are hanging out on set: not secluded in a trailer (because then it would be too tempting to fuck AGAIN), but watching a performance by Chord and Amber on the auditorium stage and waiting for their turn, when Darren's phone vibrates noticeably in his pocket. Chris takes the opportunity to reach across Darren and cop a feel, pulling the phone out and handing it to his boyfriend who smirks and looks around before giving Chris an open-mouthed kiss that has him squirming and sighing when it ends.<br>He sits back smugly and checks his voice mail, a frown appearing on his face moments later.  
>When Chris notices he rises silently and leads the way out of the tiered row of seats.<p>

When they emerge through the large fire door both blink like bats and reach for each other in their disorientation. Chris slips his sunnies on as Darren leans against him, head sheltered inside Chris' arms.  
>"What is it?" Chris asks bluntly.<br>Darren's answer is brief. Only one word is needed: "Ellen."  
>Chris swears and Darren tilts his head up to study his boyfriend's grim face.<br>"What did she want?" Chris asks.  
>"Me. On the show again."<br>"What?"  
>Darren was forced to step back as Chris needed to pace out his annoyance.<br>"You trusted her last time and look what happened! I can't believe she is asking!"  
>Darren sighed.<br>"I know you're still mad at her but … she did apologise. She said she has a surprise that will make both of us very happy. She was practically insisting and … I'm thinking of agreeing."  
>Chris exploded:<br>"Darren! Have you forgotten how all the other shows you went on to play music pushed the boundaries further and further because you broke down for Ellen? She made it so much harder for you. I just, hate that."  
>Darren grabs him, tight.<br>"I love it that you want to protect me," he whispers and Chris' lips curve up just a little.  
>"But I still think it was for the best," Darren continues and Chris slumps, tired of this debate.<br>"I needed to address the accusation that I lied. Responding to what she said was my choice after all. And since I said it on her show already I was able to keep my mouth shut when those others tried provoking me."  
>"But …"<br>"Her heart is in the right place. I honestly think she didn't realise her teasing would get me to break down. I … don't want to be at odds with her."  
>"I can't stop you, can I?"<br>"No. But I'd love a shoulder if I'm wrong."  
>"You already have it. You have all of me."<p>

...

Chris stayed in the dressing room this time watching on a monitor while Darren perched nervously on the chair beside Ellen.

"Darren I asked you to come back on the show, not to try to harass you into giving me an interview but because the few words you did say last time, well let's just say, they made an impact, alright. A lot of people called in to scold me for making you cry and I really need to apologise again for pushing you to talk after you'd made it clear you weren't prepared to participate in an interview. I know I apologised privately to you but I also want to do that publicly as well."

Darren nodded. _Was this the reason Ellen had begged him to come_ _on?_

_"_But that's not the only reason you're here," Ellen continued and Darren gave a small smile.

Ellen stood up and grabbed a heavy bag that she proceeded to empty into Darren's lap. It was letters that spilled out, many of them falling on the floor all around him.

"Darren, we have had so many letters. We checked them really carefully to take out any hate mail, and I'm pleased to say that there wasn't much of that. But all of these letters here are from people who want to tell you something. They want to share their story with you. I'm going to read some of them now and I just want you to listen:

"My name is Pamela. I am 57 years old. I didn't know I was a lesbian until 10 years ago when I was 47. I just thought my husband was bad in bed. (There is laughter from the audience at this.) But one day I met a woman and everything suddenly made sense. Don't doubt the importance of how you've spoken out. When heterosexuality is the norm and just assumed it can lead to many years of what I like to call mistaken identity. But you are not alone. I just wanted you to know."

Darren feels a warmth in his chest and sits perfectly still as Ellen picks up another letter.

"I was exactly the same age as you when I came out. My mother actually asked me when I was 15 if I was gay and I said no. Then ten years later I finally understood that having lots of girlfriends that I never wanted to kiss was a clue and preferring to go out to gay night clubs, even though I never did anything, was another one. I felt more comfortable there. I always thought I was very open-minded 'cos I just loved seeing gay couples around me. And now I have a boyfriend and we are one of the gay couples and I couldn't be happier."

He is smiling now, as Ellen reads more letters:

"I didn't know I was gay until age 30. You are not the only one who didn't realise it straight away as soon as they hit puberty. I was engaged to be married to a wonderful girl and when it came to our wedding rehearsal I realised I wanted to say all my vows to my best man instead of my fiance. Neither of them took it very well. But now I am free to be true to myself and find true love which I am still hoping for one day."

"I never expected to fall in love with someone the same sex as me but it happened. I read a quote that you once said: 'we fall in love with a person not a gender' and that is exactly how I view things too. I've been in love four times. When one of those happened to be the same sex as me I embraced it despite the horrified reactions of family and friends. I'm not interested in labels and suspect you aren't either. I fully believe love is love no matter where you find it. Finding it with Chris doesn't make you a bad person, or a liar. In fact, I respect you even more now."

"You don't have to have the typical experience to be a role model and help people. I'm 16 and when I heard you were with Chris Colfer I was very surprised. But I don't judge you for anything. I can understand you might have just discovered it when you met him. Since I've been watching him on Glee I realised that my brother is probably gay. I want to help him come out (he is currently 20) but I will wait until he is ready to tell me himself. I love your music and I hope you and Chris live happily ever after."

There were more plenty more letters, but Ellen just read one more:

"Coming out at age 35 was very challenging for me. My family and friends all had me pigeonholed. They thought they knew who I was. But how could they know if I didn't even realise? There were a lot of arguments and a lot of tears and my dad kept saying, "but you dated Robbie for 5 years". I couldn't really explain to them how it only felt right now, to be with another woman. But yesterday I spoke to my mum and she saw you on Ellen. She said your song helped her understand that I just hadn't woken up yet. She cried and apologised for making it harder for me when I told them. So, thank you Darren."

"There are lots more letters like these, Darren," Ellen said as he looked at the pile of letters around him in wonder and happiness.

"All of these are from people who were past their teenage years before identifying themselves as gay or lesbian. And believe it or not, you have already helped these people and you're still helping the kids out there who need to know they can be honest about who they are just like you. So I brought you back on the show to say thank you. Thank you from all of these letter-writers and the other people out there who admire your song-writing or your acting and have listened to your various interviews and speeches in the past. Because saying you've discovered who you are now, does NOT and will NEVER detract from the positive messages you've helped to spread. You've helped to spread acceptance, all along, and we are lucky to have you whether you're gay, straight, purple dinosaur, whatever. Okay?"

"Thank you," was all Darren could whisper as the show finished and he packed the letters up to take with him and show Chris who hugged him in the dressing room for a long, long time.

* * *

><p>Darren doesn't need to guess what's going on inside Chris' head now, because he tells him.<p>

"I think you're getting camper Darren, how is this possible?"

"I want you so much right now, Darren. Oh god, why is this scene taking so long?"

"Did you realise you have incredibly sexy feet, Dare?"

"Fuck off Darren, I'm still mad about the joke you played this morning. No! Don't actually leave, moron, I just want you to grovel some more before we have make up sex!"

Yes, Darren loved knowing what Chris was thinking, and he smirked to himself as he remembered ...

"Darren, is there, like, some reason you haven't fucked me yet?"  
>"I … oh, haven't I?"<br>"You think I'd have overlooked something like that? Oh my god, you idiot!"  
>Laughter shook the two of them for several minutes.<br>"So, come on, Darren. What's the reason?"  
>"Nothing. There's no reason. It's no big deal at all. I just don't want to rush things. You know, I'm still mastering the bottom … role and I … uh … don't want to run before I can walk."<br>"Darren. That is horseshit! You have bottomed in every single position I know and a few I would never have even thought of! Are you, like, revolted by the idea of putting your dick in my - "  
>"No!" Darren shouted. "Chris. It's nothing like that. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just really nervous because I feel more pressure about it."<p>

Chris gives him a quizzical look and Darren gets out of his chair to kneel beside Chris' holding his hands.

"Are you afraid of hurting me?" Chris asks quietly.  
>"Mmm no. It's more about, you know, performance. I want to make it really really good for you. But I don't know if I can. You set a pretty high bar, Mr Colfer."<br>"Oh sweetheart!"  
>"You know maybe we could just stick with the current arrangement. I am perfectly happy being the one who gets fucked. There's no need for us to …"<p>

He breaks off laughing when Chris looks seriously alarmed.

"You bastard, you were playing me, weren't you!" Chris shrieked.  
>"Oh Chris! Your face was so funny! Don't worry. I fully realise that someone who shows off how flexible they are as often as you do must enjoy the … dare I say, submissive role."<br>"Yeah and I own it, so why haven't you taken advantage of me yet?"  
>"Just seeing how long you could last, Colfer. Also," and Darren's voice dropped low and husky as he leaned in, speaking directly into Chris' ear, "I wanted to wait until we had a few days off because you're going to need a lot of rest after I've fucked you."<p>

When Darren leaned back he saw that Chris still had his eyes closed, there was colour high on his cheeks and his lips were very dark red.

"Any plans for the long weekend Chris?" Darren asked nonchalantly.

Chris opened his eyes and stared hungrily at Darren's lips. He resisted their temptation however, opting instead to stand and walk away swinging his ass as he did so and peering over his shoulder at Darren to say: "I think I'll just go practise some yoga."

Darren groaned when he realised he'd succeeded in frustrating himself just as much as Chris.

* * *

><p>They go away for the weekend to a beautiful luxurious and private holiday house in a perfect setting of which they take very little notice. Instead they seclude themselves in the master suite and Darren kisses Chris until he nearly comes fully clothed.<p>

"Please Darren. God, I'm desperate, just hurry up and do it, already."  
>"Now, now, Chris. You want to remember our second first time don't you?"<p>

Chris groans. He could, he supposes, take charge and just rip Darren's clothes off, but he knows Darren has a plan and he feels safe, if desperate, in Darren's beautiful calloused hands.

"It's not like I'm a virgin, come on, I NEED to feel you," Chris pants unashamed.  
>Darren chuckles and allows Chris to grind up on him a little.<br>Soon however he sits up and begins taking off Chris' shoes and then his socks slowly and with the utmost devotion. Chris is treated to a foot massage that has him squirming in an entirely different way and then Darren starts on Chris' shirt.  
>"Yes, finally some action!" Chris grins trying to assist but his hands are gently pushed aside and he lies back down with narrowed eyes watching Darren proceed to handle each button slowly and carefully.<br>When Darren lifts the halves of the shirt apart and smooths his hands over Chris' chest Chris yawns dramatically leading Darren to arch an eyebrow and smirk.  
>"Oh it's like that is it? You don't appreciate a loving, gentlemanly approach? I suppose you would have preferred me to bend you over the dining table and screw you senseless the minute we got in the door."<br>"Uh that's definitely got to happen in the next couple of days, I'm telling you now, but no. I'm just as happy for you to take your time and make this special. I'm sorry for making fun of you. I'll cut it out now."  
>"Good. Because my plan calls for at least 45 mins of upper-body adoration, and you are going to get every minute of it."<br>"What! Fuck. This is cruel and unusual punish … ahhhhh."  
>Darren has started in on one of Chris' nipples and he suddenly doesn't mind after all.<p>

Chris is laying face down, still wearing pants when he comes the first time. Darren had been kissing and biting his back while he rubbed his crotch teasingly on Chris' fully-clothed ass and suddenly the feeling was washing over him, Darren's breath in his ear and weight behind him tipping him past the balance point and into a rocking, moaning, spasming mess.  
>Darren flipped him over faster than he thought possible and plunged his tongue deep into<br>Chris' mouth kissing him blindly and passionately and Chris clings to him letting the melting of their mouths together push away his threatening tears.  
>"I'm sorry," he is about to say when Darren draws back but then he sees Darren's grin.<br>"Second stage complete," Darren says. "I'm counting on your youth to get us through this plan, by the way."  
>"You wanted me to … but … Darren! Exactly how many stages are there in this plan of yours?"<br>"Um, six, I think. I kind of lost track for a minute when you came your brains out. Fuck that was so hot."  
>"Oh god," Chris groans. "You are going to kill me, I know it."<br>"Now Chris, where would the fun be in that?" Darren asks.

He allows Chris a quick shower and then directs him to lay on the bed again … and watch. Chris knows Darren is trying to be sexy but he can't help giggling when Darren turns on music to perform a strip show and he loves Darren even more when he laughs along with him and turns the whole thing into a dorky, naked comedy of dance moves that have Chris' sides aching with laughter. They are laughing and kissing on the bed when Darren first teases a finger beside Chris' hole. Chris shivers violently with pleasure and Darren murmurs "Stage 4" into his neck.

A whole hour later, with every inch of Chris' legs worshipped, Darren still refuses to progress past using one finger inside. He has been teasing Chris' prostate with it over and over, removing his hand completely for ten minutes at a time as he worked his way around Chris' sensitive knees and up his thighs. Chris is trying not to beg but the pressure in his cock is maddening when suddenly Darren's mouth is there sucking just the head and two fingers are pushing into him, his prostate is singing for joy and Chris comes again, gushing out and down Darren's throat as he thrusts his fingers into him again and again.

Chris naps while Darren prepares a tray of food that he places carefully on the nightstand.

When he wakes Darren asks him to sit beside the bed to eat, which he does, nearly choking when Darren lays back and starts stroking himself and telling Chris how much he wants to be inside him soon.  
>"Darren, you … I … oh god, you're doing this on purpose so you can go a long time, aren't you?"<br>There is a wicked grin and a glint in Darren's eyes as he nods. He keeps talking as he works a dildo into his own ass saying, "I know exactly how good it can be now Chris … and I love it ... and I want you to feel everything you possibly can for as long as we possibly can."

In a few minutes Darren is crying out and spurting onto his own stomach and chest while Chris watches and marvels at Darren's male beauty. Dark eyes open and meet blue as Darren begins slowly rubbing - spreading and massaging the semen into his upper body, teasing his own nipples and clearly enjoying the after-effects with the toy still inside him.

Chris has forgotten to eat, is incapable of movement, only knows that Darren is crazy, insatiable and _his_, please god, his alone, for as long as he can hang onto him.

While Darren showers Chris makes an effort to eat, understanding now that he'll need all the energy he can get.

He brushes his teeth and watches Darren change the sheets and lie down, and Chris realizes that this time it appears he is to be in charge.

"But … aren't you going to … aren't we done with all the stages now? Can't I just … have it?"  
>"No. Not yet. But we're nearly there. I want you to lead and we can do anything - except anal … and no coming. Oh, don't pout. I love you. And I am at your mercy."<br>"For how long?"  
>"Let's say, an hour and a half."<p>

Darren carefully sets an alarm on his phone while Chris figures out how he's going to pace himself.

When Darren lies down again, naked, Chris simply stares at him for a while.

He hugs him and kisses him.

And then, surprising himself, he begins to weep his gratitude for having Darren in his life, Darren's sensitivity, his playfulness, his boldness, his courage, his music, his beautiful hands …

"And your lips, your mouth, oh my god, I don't know how I lived without kissing you every day. I adore your mouth, have I told you enough? I don't really tell you enough, do I?"

"Hush," Darren says, embracing him, because this is what it was all about, in the end: bringing Chris home to his feelings, not just his body, and having him accept, truly and deeply, before Darren makes love to him, finally, the way he wants, that Darren IS here, safe and constant and real, so very real.

They curl up together, Darren's arms wrapping around Chris who makes himself as small as possible. He wants to climb inside Darren's chest and stay there forever. He wants love, so badly. And he wants a man. Darren. He wants Darren's dark good looks and his disorienting shortness. Chris wants Darren to be his protector, his champion, his mate. He wants so much to fly and feel the freedom of it, but he needs a connection to earth, a push start into the air. Much as he has gained, since leaving behind the despair of his childhood, Chris still feels as if he has been falling, tumbling, straight down from a height and expecting at any moment to crash. But here Darren is, ready and true, capturing his lips and his heart, telling him over and over again that he will be there, be everything he needs, the magnetic pole, the wind beneath his wings, the fact in so much fiction.

Chris' body shudders with emotion and then with ecstasy as Darren carefully and gently urges his legs apart bringing first one ankle and then the other onto his shoulders. He soothes the precious lubricant around, over and into Chris' hole and opens him, finally, all the way. Then holding Chris' hand over his heart, he fills him. Fills him up with everything he's ever wanted and kisses him with every part of his body. Together they lie still, except for breathing. Together they wait until Chris is shuddering and rocking his hips and only then does Darren take a grip on the sheets and move, groaning desperately and wildly, pulling back as far as he dares (and more than he wants) before sliding back in where he belongs. "More, more" they tell each other. "Harder, Now", "fuck, yes" and "always".

They laugh, again, when the alarm rings, and Chris takes the opportunity to show Darren his riding skills, fucking himself on Darren's cock without inhibition, grinning at all the pleasure and sensation that is open to him now. His whole body explodes into a tingling, rolling, gathering joy and come spills out almost as an afterthought. But Darren is still with him and his face contorts from urgency to surprise as he falls, breathtakingly, over the edge giving Chris the most beautiful sensation of heat all over inside him and trickling, leaking out as they slide together down, down to rest at last.

"I love you."

"So much."

* * *

><p>Just a few months later Darren answered his phone to hear Chris saying:<p>

"I can't believe you left me!"

Darren laughed.

"You say that every time. How much have you got done?"

"Some. But I want you to come home and do things to me before I work on anything else."

Darren was distracted: "Things …mmm ... wait, you said_ home_?"

"Oh. Wow. Yeah ... So, will you?" Chris asked.

"Will I what?"

Darren held his breath.

"Come home."

He wasn't prepared for the overwhelming feeling of rightness the words had, but he tried to mask the emotion until he could express it to Chris in person.

"Where are we gonna put my piano?" he asked.

Chris' reply was breathless so that Darren knew he was feeling it too.

"Anywhere."


	28. Chapter 28

**AN**: The last chapter. My thanks to the wonderful IWantYouToBe for the beta job and to anyone still reading this for being patient. It wasn't exactly a cliffhanger last chapter but I did say there was one more to go and I've taken AGES due to real life stuff. However my whole purpose was to learn to write regularly and finish a project instead of letting the ideas stay trapped in my head and I've actually done that! I can't believe it. Plus I've learned so much along the way. It is a real boost to my self esteem to get to this point and the alerts, faves, reviews etc kept me going. I intend to take this story down from here after a month or so and put a revised version onto the RPF website It Could Happen. Thanks everyone! EH

* * *

><p>Chris knew something was wrong.<p>

Darren was already tucked up in bed, his arm clutching the blanket around his waist. Chris kept glancing over at him as he got undressed and slipped a pair of boxers and a tank on.  
>He knew Darren wasn't asleep yet but he was staying strictly to his own side of the bed and facing away from the centre. But that wasn't the main problem. The main problem was that Darren was wearing an old Michigan U. t-shirt and Darren never wore a shirt to bed. Chris slipped under the covers and curled himself up behind Darren. He stroked one hand down Darren's arm and Darren shrugged it away. "I'm really tired Chris, okay," he said in an unmistakably tetchy voice. Chris hesitated and cleared his throat before speaking. "I was just wanting to cuddle up," he said timidly and cursed his voice for betraying his emotion.<br>Darren sighed and rolled onto his back stretching his arm out to allow Chris to snuggle in on his chest before curling it over him.  
>Despite the extra body contact Chris remained concerned. Darren was tense … and he wasn't talking.<br>Two years. They'd been together two years and Chris had thought things were perfect. But obviously now Darren wasn't happy and Chris did not have the guts to start a conversation that he feared would end in heartbreak.  
>He lay still with his ear over Darren's heart and let the silence go on. Eventually Darren's breathing evened out and his muscles relaxed, but Chris lay awake for a long time.<p>

* * *

><p>Chris let himself into Ashley's place with his spare key and called out hello as he headed towards the kitchen.<br>"Oooh, bakery gifts, you're too good to me," Ashley said eagerly when she emerged from her home-office.  
>Chris smiled slightly and took a seat as Ash plated the treats and tended to her coffee machine which had been readied in anticipation of Chris' visit.<br>"So what's new boo?" she asked as she turned around and Chris suddenly felt the tears that were already trickling down his cheeks.  
>Ashley's eyes widened and she came around the counter and grabbed him in a smothering hug.<br>Chris laughed in surprise at finding himself squashed deep into Ash's cleavage and then he gasped and started sobbing for real.  
>"I love him. I can't stop loving him. I don't know what I'm gonna do," he said over several heaving breaths.<br>"I'll kill the bastard," Ash stated vehemently. "I'll slice his balls off and punch his face until he can never smile again. Then I'll pull out his entrails and nail them to my wall. I'll …".  
>Chris laughed again despite himself.<p>

"Don't. I couldn't be best-friends with you if you were in jail. Plus, he hasn't done anything wrong. I don't think. Oh god, what if he's in love with someone else? Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick …"  
>Quickly Ashley followed Chris to the bathroom where he started retching into the toilet bowl. She wet a hand-towel and handed it to him, watching while his stomach slowly calmed down and he slumped against the wall crying again.<br>Sighing, she gingerly sat herself down on the floor-mat and eyed Chris with concern.  
>"I hope this is all worth the effort it is going to take me to stand back up again," she told him.<br>Chris looked at her properly and tried to smile through his tears but he couldn't get the smile to stay on his face - it only reminded him of what Ashley had said about Darren's smile, his gorgeous smile … and the sobs came back again.  
>He took the tissues Ashley handed him and mopped his face, scrunching one after another and tossing them haphazardly towards the wastebasket. Once he finally blew his nose Ashley stretched her arm up to the sink above her and grasped the water glass which she handed to him wordlessly.<br>"I'm sorry Ash," Chris said, drinking deeply.  
>She gave him a death glare and pointed at him, shaking her head.<br>"Okay I'm not sorry, I'm so glad I came and threw up at your place instead of my own," Chris muttered chuckling again - Ashley could always make him laugh.  
>He leaned his head back and studied the ceiling, trying to figure out how to explain the unexplainable to his best friend who was waiting silently.<br>"You know you have cobwebs up there?" he asked.  
>"Fuck that, Christopher, get on with it. How many stab wounds will I have to inflict on Everett before I dump his body in front of a semi on the highway?"<br>"I don't know," Chris answered quietly, overlooking Ashley's forbidden use of Darren's middle name. "I don't even know."  
>Ashley quirked an eyebrow and kept waiting.<br>"I don't have any … he just isn't my Darren anymore. Not for the last several weeks. He's moody, and avoiding me. We haven't talked properly, and don't even think of asking about our sex life, woman. I just … I think he's fallen out of love with me. And he's not sure how to tell me. That's my theory at least."  
>"Well then he's even more of an asshole than I thought," Ashley replied blandly.<br>Chris shook his head. "I don't get why you never got along."  
>"I don't trust him. But nobody is good enough for my boo. Thing is, he made you giddy. You fly high, you crash hard. I never wanted to see that day come."<br>"But you always told me not to sit on the sidelines of love."  
>"Alright, I just hate him because I love you and if you were an option for me I'd marry you in a second."<br>Chris closed his eyes.  
>"I wish that weren't true."<br>"Me too. But you know it is, so let's move on. You've got to man up and stop being a coward. It's a really bad color on you. Just, talk to him. There's no other advice I can give. If Darren wants out of the relationship it will be hard. It will suck. But you WILL survive. You'll get through with lots of alcohol and ice-cream and several more cats."

"That's it?" Chris asked. "Fuck this for a deep and meaningful conversation. You really suck at this job, you know."

"Okay wait ... things will get better and you'll meet someone else and live happily ever after with him."

Chris rolled his eyes.

"Look, until it happens you can't start the healing process. And until you talk to him you don't know for sure that he wants to break up. So unless there's something specific for me to bitch about, I'm not going to threaten Darren's gorgeous little body anymore."

"Darn because I was so enjoying the graphic descriptions," Chris deadpanned.

Ashley paused. "If it is all a misunderstanding I promise I'll smile prettily at your wedding."

Having made that concession, Ashley hoisted herself back up off the floor with a deep groan and reached out a hand to her best friend.

They left the pile of tissues and glass of water behind and returned down the hall to the kitchen where Chris suppressed a fresh wave of tears and picked up his satchel.

Ashley looked at the twin plates of sweet treats Chris had brought from the bakery.

"Fuck this shit," she said dumping them in the trash. "I'm going on a diet."

Chris opened his mouth to speak then closed it and headed to the front door.

When Ashley followed he stopped to hug her on the landing.

"I love you," he said.  
>"I know," she replied.<p>

* * *

><p>There was a plane ticket sitting in the printer. A return to San Francisco. Chris found Darren in the kitchen struggling with a tin opener that was squeaking its way around a can of tuna.<br>Chris just stood there until Darren noticed him.  
>"Oh hey, um hi Chris." He looked, embarrassed, tired, sad and so beautiful it hurt.<br>"I love you," Chris said, and Darren looked up again, startled.  
>"I love you, Darren. I don't know what I did but I love you so much, oh fuck it, I wasn't going to cry."<br>Darren's eyes were filling too and he stumbled forward to clutch onto Chris tightly then take his face in his hands and brush away the tears with his thumbs.  
>"I know, Chris, okay? I know you love me. And I'm not … I just need to give myself some time. I'll … I'll get over it."<br>"Why should you? You never promised to stay forever." Chris had thought about this before approaching Darren. "If you want to be with someone else just go. I don't want you here out of pity or obligation or …"  
>"What the fuck are you talking about?" Darren shouted, causing Chris to step back in shock.<br>"I …" Chris began.  
>"Are you insane? What the fuck are you talking about?" Darren repeated looking alarmingly furious.<br>"I … you, you're unhappy …"  
>"Right."<br>"You don't want to have sex with me anymore …"  
>"You idiot. What makes you think that?"<br>"Well you haven't, you, it's been like a month …"  
>"Yeah so?"<br>"Well, you're going to San Francisco."  
>"And?"<br>"You said you'll get over it!" Chris shouted back.  
>"I'm fucking trying," Darren screamed, hitting down on the counter with his hand.<br>"Well, that's what I said, Darren. Why should you get over it? If you have feelings for someone else, you don't owe me anything …" Chris dissolved into sobs while Darren stood, hands on hips shaking his head.

"You have no fucking idea do you?" he asked.  
>"What?" Chris screamed back at him. "What am I doing wrong?"<br>"You're not holding onto me!" The words came bursting out of Darren, not angry but swollen with hurt.  
>"You're just happy to coast along but then when you imagine some shit about me looking at some other person, you are totally ready to wave goodbye. Talking about not owing you anything and no obligations. People are supposed to feel obligations; normal people make promises and commitments. And I thought, but you … fuck, after two years I'm still nothing but your boyfriend. And, and it's <strong>y<strong>**our** house we live in. And, you know, I'll handle it, I'll get over it. But don't expect me to be happy right now and not feel hurt."

Chris was very still.  
>"Darren. What the hell is going on? What are you talking about? I think we have been talking at cross-purposes and I want to fucking sort this out."<br>"We haven't been talking at cross-purposes Chris. We haven't been talking at all. At least not about the things that matter," Darren said defeatedly.

"Can we sit down?" Chris suggested. Darren nodded and followed him into the living room and onto the couch. Chris' body was tingling with adrenaline. He knew they had to get to the bottom of this no matter what.

"Tell me why you said 'nothing but your boyfriend'. What is this about?"  
>Chris didn't want to let go of Darren's hand but he had slipped it free and started hugging his knees, refusing to meet Chris' eye although they faced each other on the couch.<br>"I've been upset about the way you acted at the agency party."  
>"That party?" Chris' mind raced back over the event which occurred nearly a month ago trying to figure out what mistake he could have made then to push Darren to this point.<br>"Everyone you introduced me to all night ... it was boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend … it just really got to me."  
>Chris shook his head, not getting it.<br>"And then your accountant was there offering to help me with investments and you, you just dismissed it."  
>"Wait, I remember that conversation. I told him you put all your money into your theatre company. Starkid's doing great, Darren, I'm proud of what you've done with them … I don't understand … what did you want me to say?"<p>

Darren seemed to be rocking back and forth as he rubbed the flowing tears from his cheeks on the knees of the pants he was wearing.

"I just thought that after two years you would start viewing me as your partner, Chris, I thought we should be looking to the future and thinking of making some joint decisions on stuff like money issues instead of … going forward instead of idling in neutral. You were talking to him about the real estate market and insurance without turning around to ask for my input, as if it doesn't matter. So I have to accept that you're not interested in solidifying our relationship any further, never mind marrying me, and probably never will be."

Chris leapt to his feet. "Holy fuck! Oh my god, Darren. Oh my god, I seriously thought you wanted to break up with me." He dived onto the couch to fling his arms around Darren. "You want to get married! You want to get married. Oh my god, you really want to marry me!"

Darren shoved him off. "You don't have to make fun of me. Shit, Chris. If I have to accept that you're not interested in a proper commitment then please have some sensitivity not to rub it in, okay?"

"But Darren, of course I'm interested in a proper commitment. I'm totally fucking ready to marry your gorgeous delicious ass. Oh my god!"

"Stop jumping up and down Chris, fuck! Why are you acting like this solves all our problems. I don't want you to just say you want it to humor me! A minute ago you were telling me to go be with someone else if they took my fancy. Clearly you are not thinking like someone who wants to be married."

"It was breaking my heart to say that, Darren, don't make me a bad guy for no reason. I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me."

"Well I might have been happier if you'd done anything to show you were taking our relationship seriously. I mean, actions speak louder than words, but you never offered to put the house into both our names. You never thought of putting our money together into one account. We haven't needed to talk about money because we both have plenty but you know, real couples do things like that."

Darren took a deep breath after saying all this. He still seemed to need to curl into himself protectively instead of reaching out for Chris who, despite Darren's clear agitation, was overwhelmed with relief and happiness.

"Darren, I love you. Okay. I ... I'm sorry, I should have thought about what label you wanted to be called and yes we could bring our finances together, I'm sorry it didn't occur to me how symbolic that would be. I just, I thought we were waiting for the full equality thing. I thought we'd talk about the future when Obama gets the bill through the Senate. Why didn't you raise it with me? You aren't usually so shy."

"I nearly did. I wanted to … every time I planned to I would find some evidence that you weren't on the same page as me. I kept hoping you would show me some sign of encouragement and the longer you didn't the more afraid I got to start the conversation myself."

"Darren," Chris began, "Do you remember when we babysat your nephew, not the last time but a few times before, when we got him off to sleep …"

Darren's eyes went dark: "And then we fucked so loudly we woke him up ... but we laughed about it together …"

"Yeah," Chris replied, softly. "I thought we had an understanding after that. Being with you then was so intense. That night felt like a promise to me. I thought it meant we were in this for the long haul and … and … that we'll have a baby too one day. I want to rock your babies to sleep at night Darren. Don't you know that?"

Darren took a breath and it seemed like one he'd been holding for a long time.  
>"Really? Really? You've thought about our kids too? You want to have kids with me?"<p>

Chris nodded, mute.

"I knew that night was special, I guess I just really needed to hear you say it," Darren said.

"And you were willing to stay with me, without having the commitment you needed?" Chris was amazed.

"I can't imagine my life without you."

Then they were kissing, frantically, lips pressing hot and open, tongues accidentally tasting the tears that had fallen in the course of their momentous conversation.  
>"I love you …"<br>"You really want …?" they murmured between kisses and soon they were stripping each other's clothes off and dragging each other down to the closest surface: the floor.

Darren's roll to be on top brought them up against the couch where they stayed, kissing deeply as they looked into each other's eyes. Then Darren gave Chris the most wicked, heart-stopping grin as he hooked one of Chris' legs up and teased his entrance with a knuckle.  
>"I am never fucking letting you go Colfer, you understand?"<br>"Yes, I realize that. Now please, I can't wait any longer. Go and get the fucking lube and come back in a hurry!" Chris demanded.  
>Darren chuckled and stood up, taking his time to let his eyes feast on the sight of Chris naked and desperate on the floor.<br>"You know after the month we've just had you're in for a major fuckfest don't you?"  
>"Promises, promises. Just wait until you put a ring on my finger then there'll be some sex you can brag about."<br>Darren groaned. "Hold that thought."

He took off for the bedroom, returning a minute later with the expected lube plus a small, square box.  
>Chris was distracted at first, by Darren's gloriously naked body but then his jaw dropped and he jumped up and stared as Darren opened the lid.<p>

"Oh my god, Darren! How long have you had this?"  
>"It doesn't matter."<br>Chris started crying as Darren pushed the ring onto his finger.  
>"I'm so sorry I didn't make you feel how much I love you. I'm sorry you didn't know I was ready and I wanted this. I wanted it so much," he sobbed.<br>"Okay love, it's okay," Darren soothed, kissing his wet cheeks.

"We got there in the end."

* * *

><p>EPILOGUE<p>

TEXT MESSAGE

From: Chris Colfer  
>To: Ashley Fink<p>

Get that pretty smile ready.

From: Ashley Fink  
>To: Chris Colfer<p>

I'm so glad.

FIN.


End file.
